We were together for 3 years. We were mean to each other. We have been married for 8 months. We had an argument and thats when it all came out. About how we were unhappy. We talked about divorce but then decided to work it out. Change ourselves for the better. A week later my husband and I talked and he said that he feels that things wont get better, its not the same. He says that he loves me, but the love isnt there anymore and he doesnt see me the same. We cried. A week has passed and have agreed to divorce. He will continue living here with me and my daughter. She is not his. She is 9. He will pay the bills until he moves out this November. Giving me enough time to save to be on my own. We still sleep in the same bed. We have agreed to not get intimate. Its just like we are friends now. We are both nicer to each other. It hurts me because I dont want a divorce. Why does it hurt him if thats what he wants? I wish he would have a change of heart. Is that possible?
2007-07-26 02:51:03 · 26 answers · asked by DDee 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Prayer changes things.
2007-07-26 02:53:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 4⤋
Tell him you love him and that you're going to try to make it work. Start touching him and showing him affection again. Tell him that if the love isn't there anymore, it means it was there before, and if it was there before it can be there again. Tell him you have changed your mind and that you no longer agree to a divorce. Tell him you want to stay married to him forever, and if you have to go through some rough times for that to happen that you are more than willing to do whatever it takes. Tell him you are going to change and become a better person as a result of all this and that he'll be missing out big time if he doesn't stick around. Say it all lovingly and assertively, and then follow through on all that you have said. Every day, do something positive for your husband and for your marriage. Fight for what you want and don't give up!
2007-07-26 03:06:12 · answer #2 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it's possible.
Based on the very limited information you've given me, I think that your husband may have unrealistic ideas about what a marital relationship is like.
After three years, the "love" may decline. This means that some people feel that "love" means sexual passion and a feeling of total oneness.
But true love evolves into something else. It starts with sexual passion and total infatuation with the other person, a feeling that the other person is perfect.
If it is true love, it grows into friendship and the sexual connection can remain very, very strong.
You two may be finding that instead of feeling like one, you feel like two--two distinct individuals.
Two distinct individuals can and very often do love each other and live together in marriage.
If my hunch is correct, if you're at this kind of crisis in your marriage, then much will depend on the maturity level of you and your husband.
If you're both mature, you'll try to see if you can work it out.
I would strongly suggest marital counseling.
If you like to read, here are two good books:
The Road Not Taken by M. Scott Peck. This is about the mature acceptance of the difficulty of life and love.
Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus. This is about the very different psychologies of men vs. women.
2007-07-26 03:01:57 · answer #3 · answered by Austin W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first year of marriage is ALWAYS the hardest and I think you two should try to work it out. It does sound like you both are still in love with each other and that is the most important thing. I would try to suggest to him going to counciling and see if that might work out. Sometimes couples need additional help, and there is nothing wrong with it. If you are both really hurting because you think you are going to divorce, then it sounds like there is still hope. I would talk to him, let him know you don't want to get divorced and that you want to try and work things out. Ask him just to try it for a few months, if he still doesn't feel things are going to be better, then you can readdress it then. good luck to you
2007-07-26 02:55:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The situation is understably hard on you and him, and especially harder on any child.
You commented "I wish he would have a change of heart."
You have to realize, that it's not about the "other" person, it's about yourself. Can you have a change of heart? We cannot change people, but we can change ourselves.
Believe it or not, until the papers are signed, you still have a chance to save the marriage! But, it won't be up to him, since you have showed to have the initiative to ask for help. Btw, commendations for asking for help! :)
While this whole scenerio takes place, "show", don't "tell" him how special he is and how much you respect and love him. Do not use "words" to make him feel what you feel about him. Not the anger, the love. If you continue to show him how special he is, his walls of hurt will indeed melt down, and he will realize what a mistake the thought of ever leaving you is. But this will be your part. If you make him feel guilty, bad, pressured, etc. you will only drive him farther.
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2007-07-26 03:00:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love someone you are not mean to them. One of you has isues that you are not communicating. EXAMPLE........ you are on yahoo asking for advice. Go talk to him. TALK not YELL. Have you thought about bringing in a third party to help you both see what is going on or maybe go to counsling? I divorced after 2 years BUT that is because he was jealous of my 5 yr old son and he wasnt very nice to him so I HAD to get out.
Tell him you dont want a divorce, TALk to him. REALLY talk to him and even if he doesnt say a word back he is listening and thinking. Just make your self happy and then you cna have happy relationships. Good Luck. marriage is hard BUT you have to work it everyday. I am in a Married like relationship now and I am so happy. we talk we play we fuss BUT we love and always treat the person you love the way you would your mom, dad or child.
2007-07-26 02:59:40 · answer #6 · answered by infamisstrish72 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok you two need to get it together. Go see a counsellor, think about your kid and what this break-up will do to her. Sometimes I wonder why people get married in the first place if they aren't going to try and work hard at their marriage.
I can tell you something...me and my hubby have been married almost a year and it's been rocky. They say the first year of marriage is the worst because your trying to get used to living together and all that jazz. But me and my hubby have stuck it out and things are great now...we're on the same page. We went to counselling and I'm sure glad we did before we called it quits when it was fixable.
2007-07-26 02:58:55 · answer #7 · answered by Steven's Mommy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may love you, but... Not in that way anymore. He may want to love you, but he probably knows he doesn't have a full heart for you. Sometimes this happens. He may come back to you again, or you could just be very close. I'm sorry, But we really don't have a way to help you unless someone acts like a goon and says for you to yell at him. That isn't helping. I'm sure things will work out just fine for you two. If you think about how much it hurts, it'll hurt even worse. Keep your wits up and keep moving forward and hoping. It'll all work out. I'm sure.
2007-07-26 02:57:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anything is possible, but dont put alot of hope into that. You need to prepare for what he is saying he wants to happen. If this arrangement is beneficial to both of you, which financially it may be for you. Its got to be very hard to sleep in the same bed with him knowing this is only temporary. Do your best to get thru this arrangement, if he wants it to be over then your hands are tied, Be strong as you can. I wish you and your daughter well.
2007-07-26 03:04:40 · answer #9 · answered by rainydaze 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
has he filed for divorce yet? if he hasnt he may be having a change of heart. give it some time and see what happens as long as he doesn persue a relationship with someone else see how things go and tellhim how u really feel. after all u have been together along time and u might just be together for life.
2007-07-26 03:03:16 · answer #10 · answered by THE UK WILDCAT FAMILY 10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might be.
Just be gentle with each other.
You might feel confined, because of roles.
It sounds like he is trying to work with you, so that you are not economically stuck.
My first wife and I after we decided to divorce, it got a lot better as friends, sort of but we still divorced.
It was a lot less pressure on both of us, we just kind of moved into a relaxed, sort of friendship for years. She later met someone else, moved out, we divorced.
GOOD LUCK. Sounds like you both care for each other.
The key is do more for each other than you do for yourself, and it'll work if both ofd you do that.
2007-07-26 03:01:58 · answer #11 · answered by A Military Veteran 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋