Is it my problem or his ?

Question

When I want to have sex it seems like my husband doesnt most of the time. Then when it is his idea its like it only last for maybe 5 min. Im tiered of gettin all worked up for well nothin. Last night I let him know in little ways that it was bothering me and he cuddled with me witch is not a normal thing. So what do I do I want sex! Like good SEX! Is it me? What can I do to change this? Please nice answers only. I have read some pretty mean ones in the past.

Answer 1

Well, there could be a few factors to play here I'm thinking. First thing...how old is your husband...if he's pushing past 30 men's sex drive aren't what they used to be (though remedied with natural test boosters). Next thing, has your husband become unhealthy over the years e.g. - is he overweight or obese now? Again, unhealthy weight is going to lead to a poor sex drive among other things.

Next thing is has he been traveling lot, working a ton, stress out, or have you been fighting. Being stressed out is going to kill the sex drive. I know it does for me.

Hmm...if he's lasting only 5 minutes...he wouldn't have P.E. would he? I doubt it if you have been married with him, he probably just keeps going for quickies...sounds pretty selfish or hurried...again could be due to lots of stress.

You also might what to check his semen production. If not much is coming out when he goes and it's been a while...he's taking care of his own needs one way or the other know what I mean. I know when it's been a while I shoot out loads of semen.

Answer 2

The problem is not his. It's not yours either. :) It's both. Any healthy marriage will always take two. So, work on it together! In "fun".

Don't make it a "problem". In general, men resent the fact that they need "fixing". It makes them feel as if they are "broken", which only ads pressure to his "problem".

Have you openly asked what is "good sex" to him? I'm confident that he likes "good sex" too, but there seems to be "hinderances". Again, don't make his apparent lack of sexual desire a "problem". Men are problem solvers and will retract from social interaction to "deal" with the problem. So, instead, be creative! Have "fun" things that will "draw" him out of the shell or cave he is in.

Definately get books on creative sex, and find common likes to work that in the bedroom. You are husband and wife, and anything goes.

Also, do you do activities together that "he" enjoys? In a marriage, everything is connected to each other. The bedroom, living room, bathroom, and kitchen are all connected together. I guarantee you, that a problem in the bedroom is in most cases connected to a different area. And vice versa. You need to carefully, non-pressuringly, find the area of need you are not meeting, and then with love, meet that need. When a man has his other need met, his heart will open up for his primary need, sex. When a man is "shut down" so much, usually it's because there are deep, unmet needs in the relationship.

Hope that helps! :)

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Answer 3

Maybe things have been about sex for too long. Try dropping the point and getting closer to him. Start out with a nice evening of cuddling then give him a massage or something where you touch him but no sex. I bet that things will improve once the pressure is off of him. Men feel alot of pressure to please us and sometimes we don't understand. Try to take some of it off by not bringing it up all the time. Things will get better.

Answer 4

I was told by a great counselor that sex should be the "icing on the cake" in any relationship! I was also told by an elderly man once that the reason he loved his wife so much, was because every day she told him what a "Wonderful Lover" he was... Men like the little extra's that we need to give them. Remember, their ego's are different than ours are. Flirt with him, wear sexy clothing around the house. Put your fanny in his view when picking up something off the floor. Grab his butt as he walks out the door in the morning. Call him up & invite him for a "sex" date. What I'm trying to say is, once we women figure out that men will "feed" off of us, we will have them in a palm of our hand! Unfortunately, we tend to want them to "want us" just because & to "read" our minds... Doesn't work like that for guys! If you're saying, "hey it's not worth the effort." - then file for divorce. If you love him, want him, desire him - go get him...

Answer 5

Light candles, make a romantic setting, maybe start out with a dinner, strawberries and redi-whip for desert, feed him the strawberries, maybe place one in your mouth and let him bite the other end of it- you will begin to trigger off the mood in him- in addition you might want to wear something sexy underneath your clothing- this way you don't have to say a thing, the mood automatically will come to him with just a few little gestures and pampering.

Answer 6

Hey Misty! if his sex is only 5 min....... how about getting yourself some toys, so you can play before, during and after being with your husband.. maybe he'll be willing to use the toys on you, sorry to hear that.. I was with my ex, his sex was okay, but not okay at times too, so I would use my toys before and after him, he wouldn't use them on me, as he stated, what would he get out of it, the answer, to please me, the woman is his life, but now he's an ex and now I have a Very Good Young Lover in my bed.... toys can be fun. but don't forget the KY Jelly.... show your husband what you like, touch yourself, explore your body with him watching, it may give him ideas.... it may turn him on, more so, to have you show him what you like... FOREPLAY is best for me, but you know what the BEST PART of sex for me is? KISSING.......... I love to kiss...... don't be shy about telling him what you need, what you like, and what your willing to do to make you both feel very good..... don't let the spark go out of your marriage.... toys, KY Jelly, Kissing, Foreplay!

Answer 7

Maybe you can consider sex therapy?

I'm sure this is a frustrating situation for you... let your husband know you care for him and that you'd like to improve your sex life... possibly, he doesn't have a lot of "control" over his own body and needs to learn how to please YOU as well as himself.

tell him you are frustrated, hon.... and then consider getting some sort of therapy. believe me, you might feel embarrassed, but the truth is, sex and marriage therapists hear these problems all of the time, and it's their JOB to help.

take care. hugs

Answer 8

Let him know in some not so "little ways". TALK to him. Shoot girl.....buy yourself some porn and a few toys...that might wake him up. He seems to think you are "ok" with the 5 minute "rendezvous". Let him know this just is not enough for you. He does seem to care so talk to him.

Answer 9

Best answer. masturbate him earlier in the day, then a few hours later have the sex.

If you are doing it infrequently, biology in his simian brain thinks. this is the only woman I am gonna get a chance to impregnate, finish quick before she gets away.

But if it happens 2, 3 times in a day, then it is more of "oh, okay we got time, make it last, it's cool."

No lie. Read "The Naked Ape"

Answer 10

You have to speak to him outside of the bedroom. It can be very difficult to approach this. I recommend writing down what you feel. This way you can edit what you say. This conversation needs to be honest and also respectful.

No one wants to be told that their partner is unsatisfied, so remember how you would like to be told. Also, be fore speaking to him, try to come up with solutions to the problem. (Perhaps if you aren't satisfied, he helps you finish in other ways...)