how to i explain transgenderism to my father?

Question

i'm transgendered but i don't know how to explain it to my father who is suppourtive but thinks its a sickness what should i do

Answer 1

Explain to him that it's only a sickness insomuch as being left-handed or ambidextrous is a sickness.

Explain to him that we've all been fed a falsehood when we were told that "healthy" sexuality involves a man and a woman making love in the missionary position.

The truth is that sexuality is much more complex than people want to believe: There is biological gender, psychological gender, social presentation of gender, sex roles, how our gender is perceived by others, sexual/affectional orientation, sex drive, commitment to monogamy/non-monogamy, patterns of sexual expression, etc.

There are a rainbow of "healthy" forms of sexuality, and so long as it doesn't threaten or inflict harm on another individual, it is simply arrogance that states one indicates sickness while another indicates health.

- {♂♂} - {♂♀} - {♀♀} -

Answer 2

Dont go:

Dad I want to be a girl, deal with it or f off...

By that I mean dont say it in a way that can cause an argument (even if he is being a .... about it)

Just it seem that you are seeking advice,

Dad, I want to talk to you about something, but its hard, I would go to mum but i feel its you i need to talk to

[wait for a response, maybe on the lines of what is it]

All my life ive realized i was different, and I'm sure deep down you know what I'm talking about

[pause hopefully he would guess if not continue]

My whole life I've known i want to be a girl (here explain how hard its been to get sympathy so if he takes it badly he wont be.. you know OTT shouting etc)

and Ive come to you for advice, we have always been close which is why I'm telling you this OR we have never been close because of how i am, but you're my dad and i need you i cant cope

you can fill in the rest

also explain how you was born the way you are and that you have not chosen to be, a common yet strange miss conception of a lot of homophobic people

Make your dad feel like your confiding in him and not that your suddenly telling him.

etc etc I dont know because I'm not TG and dont know any TG people but that's how i would do it.

Answer 3

Allow him to understand that it is nothing he has ever done wrong. Don't load up too much on to him at once. You've had a few years to get to grips with this, he hasn't.

Ask him how much he would like to learn about Transsexuals and explain to him how you feel that you fit in and that as you go through this journey, things will change. If he can see what others have experienced, it will frighten him, but it will also allow him to see how much it means.

Well done on getting him on board with you. This is a real tough road to travel on at times. It will take all you negotiating powers to keep him with you, but do take care.

Perhaps you could encourage him to join a forum for parents. There are plenty in Yahoo!

Answer 4

You got a bunch of good answers.

My only addition is: be supportive of him too. This must be hard for him.

It might take him a long time to get over the idea that transgenderism is a sickness. You can support him by not trying to rush him and being patient with him.

Answer 5

I'm going to assume you're MtF transsexual. Or at least answer this in that sense as that being one myself, I can give a first hand answer.

I actually told my father about two weeks ago. His response was basically that he thinks I'm making a mistake (I told him as that I'm starting HRT and I wanted to see if he'd go with me to the doctor). His issue with it wasn't a moral one so much as that he thinks that it's going to make my life extremely difficult. Of course it IS going to. But what it comes down to is that the pain of living as the wrong gender is worse then the complications caused by living as the correct one. I explained it in terms of doing what I needed to in order to be happy. He was a little shocked when I explained that over 1/2 of individuals with Harry Benjamin Syndrome commit suicide by the age of thirty. Especially seeing how I turn 29 in a month.

For me, I had to convey how painful it was to feel out of place. He still doesn't entirely understand, but he knows I'm doing what I feel I need to do.

Answer 6

Try this:

Every person is born with three things.
Their body (Your physical gender)
Their Soul
Their Sexuality

Most times all three match up and everything is just fine...but...sometimes they don't.
Sometimes the body we're born into doesn't match our soul. This is when medical intervention can help.
Sometimes our sexuality doesn't match, this just makes us gay/lesbian.

Sometimes all three are mix matched and that's when it gets hard to translate.



This was how a trans friend of mine described it to me. I liked it and have used it ever since.
Hope this helps.

Answer 7

It is nice that he is supportive
Tell him it is not a sickness but an inborn trait
The you in your mind does not match the you on your body and you are just correcting the birth defects

Answer 8

Tell him it's like someone with a broken back, who can't walk anymore. Their mind is that of a walking person, their body doesn't match that.

You have the same disconnect, and your mind cannot be changed, so your body must.

Answer 9

well... its nothing as u already done...

just tell him the overall no need to tell him the depth that make ur papa feel sick...

just focus on ur papa face, if anything went wrong, slow down and turn to other topic

wish u all the best

Answer 10

Explain to him that you feel your body is sick and not your mind (I'm asssuming that your transsexual) and maybe you can meet some happy post-op or transitioning people to introduce him to.