I have been married for four years. My husband and I have been through a lot of bs together, but most of it was brought on by him. Things are starting to look a little better, but with everything that we've gone through, I just can't deal with him anymore. I'm not in love with him anymore. I've tried a few times to tell him that I couldn't do this anymore, and he won't let me leave. He says "I can't believe you think things aren't any better when I can see our future looking brighter." I'm just numb. I feel trapped. I don't feel like his wife, I feel like his mother. I don't want to do this anymore, but I can't make myself say goodbye.
2007-07-26 02:11:53 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You'll stay in that mess until you get up and go, that simple. Stop asking permission. If you're sure about how you see things, and counseling doesn't help, leave when he's not there to interfere.
Sorry for the pain and loss for you both.
2007-07-26 02:15:21 · answer #1 · answered by Zeera 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you just have to break it to him. Yes, it's very hard. Yes, it will hurt. And yes, you WILL cry! But, things always seem like they get worse before they start to get better. If you've reached a no turning back point don't sit and make yourself suffer any longer. Yes you will still always care about him, even if not love or in love because you spent 4 years of your life with that person. And you can never get that time back. But look at it as a lesson learned. Find a positive meaning behind all of this and make it out to be something great instead of something tragic. Things will get better, but not if you continue to subject yourself to pain and hurt. I hope you find it in your heart to do what is right FOR YOU! Good luck
2007-07-26 09:17:00 · answer #2 · answered by ♡LiL♥Kitten♡ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You haven't really decided to leave if you are using your husband as an excuse for "not letting you go". The only way you can move yourself out of this situation is to have a plan and follow the plan. Otherwise if things are really looking better, maybe you need to deal with some counseling to see if your marriage can work out.
2007-07-26 09:21:50 · answer #3 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't go! Give it time for your feelings to change now that things are getting better. It's only natural for it to take awhile for feelings to catch up to changes that are happening, so it's important to let that process happen. In the meantime, the most important thing for you to do, the essential task you must accomplish, is to stop acting like your husband's mother. That is what is making you miserable and stopping you from being happy. Be an adult with a fellow adult who expects only adult behavior from her husband. Don't do for him, lecture him, or whatever else you're doing that feels like mothering -- just stop cold turkey. Once you relieve yourself of that burden, you too will be able to see the future looking brighter.
2007-07-26 09:22:25 · answer #4 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One of the radio advice counselors, either Dr. Laura or Dr. Joy, often counsels people in your position to ask themselves the following question:
AM I BETTER OFF BEING MARRIED TO THIS PERSON, OR ENDING IT? Or words to that effect.
When you say "he won't let me leave", it sounds to me that you are asking for his permission, so that you won'thave to feel bad when if you end it.
If you want to leave, leave. It is YOUR decision alone to make. Don't try to blame your husbands for holding you back. You are holding yourself back.
On the other hand, I personally believe that couples should almost always stay married--unless there are abuse or addiction issues.
When he says the future could be brighter, is he right? I think you owe it to yourself to really look hard at that question.
2007-07-26 10:16:43 · answer #5 · answered by Pagan Dan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nobody can make you stay OR go, but yourself. You obviously don't want to leave as badly as you say you do. Why not try counseling? It might help you BOTH figure out what's best and where to go.
Love is a conscious decision you make every minute of every day - so you think you're not in love with him now, but all you really have to do is CHOOSE to start loving him again, it's really that easy. Call a therapist
2007-07-26 09:55:21 · answer #6 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make sure that you really aren't in love with him anymore. If not then tell him something like: "We've been through a lot, I know. But I just don't love you anymore. It's over. If you really do love me then you'll let me go. You don't want me to be trapped in a marriage that I know longer love."
2007-07-26 09:18:33 · answer #7 · answered by Rebellion 101 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is hard to say goodbye! Sometimes you have to do whats best for you! If this marriage is changing into something for the worst its in your best interest to make it out alive and well. Do what u need to do. Its not gonna be easy saying goodbye. But trust me you will be better in the end!
2007-07-26 09:19:05 · answer #8 · answered by Poohnay aka Larishay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you better say good buy. thins will look better for a week then it will fall back to before. don't stay with him if you do not like him. i maid that mistake. i was payed 20 000 to marry the father of my son (needed the money) and i didn't love him anymore and i am sad as hell. live is to short to spend it on unhappiness. go out and get the man of your dreams. the one who will treat you the way you want to be.
2007-07-26 09:18:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not his choicel; it's yours.
My parents could never make themselves say good bye either. Now, 34 years later, they are finally getting a divorce, or not, cause they're still living in the same house, in separate bedrooms, still miserable, but still there.
In other words, don't spend 30 years being miserable and stuck. You know when it's time to move on.
2007-07-26 09:16:41 · answer #10 · answered by ron-D 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋