I've been married for about 5 years and been together for about 8. Since the baby came the sex has pretty much disappeared. We're down to once a month or less. That's for about the past 4 years.
I do fool around from time to time. If the fridge is empty you gotta eat out, ya know.
My Q is,is that something that happens to other couples too?? I mean, my wife is still the sexiest women on earth to me. But we just don't do it enough. Can I expect things to turn around?
2007-07-26 02:05:01 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
OOOK, for all you ladies, and TACO, no I will not bring anydiseases home or make any one pregnant. I am very careful.
We have had talks about this. It gets better for may be a night, we have sex and then it gors back to once a month again. I'm not going to keep asking for it either.
Also to all the girls who think it's pathetic for guy to have his fun, that's how we are. Learn to live with it. If you think you'r husband is going to be faithful toyou for ever you're just BSing your self. If a guy can't get it at home and still won't go out to get it, he's a depressed man. I just refuse to be that way.
2007-07-26 02:45:15 · update #1
OOOK again. There is a baby sitter, full time. My wife is NOT over burdened by house chores. in fact, she does it more as a fun thing about once a week.
We HAVE talked about it many times, light hartedly, cause i don't want to pressure her.
I DO spank the monkey, often, and she knows it. I hide nothing (almost) from her. We talk about everything. I just think she's not that much into sex any more. I think about once amonth is all she requires.
2007-07-26 02:57:31 · update #2
Yes, I do find her to be super sexy. And I DO tell her that often, just because she IS!!!
2007-07-26 03:00:13 · update #3
Zaferus,
How can I break my vow to god and disrespect my wife? it's about neither of those two things. It's about being horny all the time. It's about being sexually frustrated al the time. And it's about being short tempered all the time because of it.
Sex might be an option to you. But to me it's as necessary as food and the air we breath.
I don't hate my wife. In fact i love her trmendously. You are no more ritchous for suffering that me for having chosen not to suffer.
As I said i have tried to talk about it light hartedly, so as not to pressure her, many times.
2007-07-26 05:29:58 · update #4
Boosgramy,
I'm so sorryto hear about your situation. My heart goes out to you, truely.
I think part of the problem is that women are so used to have guys after them and them not making any moves that it's even carried over to marriages. While we're all young and energetic and haven't had sex that much, it's always worth the effort for a guy to chase after a woman or a girl and court her. But after marriage, when the chase is over, us guys can not be expected to act the same way and chase after the woman any more. I'm a very touchy feely kind of guy. I love hugging and i absoloutly love kissing. With my wife, it's been frustrating to say the least, at times. I understand or try to make myself understand that she's just not affectionate. She doesn't need to be touched or kissed or hugged as much as I do. But out of frustration sometimes, i completely leave her alone, no touching, no kissing. may be that's what happened with you and your husband. May be you were in a similar
2007-07-27 09:31:53 · update #5
Boosgramy
situation and he just gave up. Again I'm really sorry to hear that. Have you tried seperation for a while? That works for me. I travel often. To be honest mainly because I want to get away from my family. But after a few days I miss them a lot and when i get back there usually a lot more affection, for a few days.
2007-07-27 09:35:30 · update #6
tnsupermomwhit
Thanks for that very dumb input. You got your two points,happy now??
2007-07-31 08:55:59 · update #7
^ Ignore the person who said, "you don't deserve your wife". WTF!! Sexual Abandonment is a validly legal reason for a divorce, kids or not.
The whole reason any straight person has a relationship with the opposite sex IS for sex. If I wanted a "sexless" relationship, I would live with one of my guy friends (yes, we are all straight). Kids are not a valid reason for that infrequent amount of sex! If she really cared enough about your relationship then she would prove it through her actions, i.e. - sex!
If your wife is not "putting out" (for whatever reason), then you should at least have a sit-down with her to "talk" about your concerns. If you have done that already and she was unreceptive, then suggest counseling. If THAT fails, then it is up to you — life with little to no sex, or find someone else.
No one should have to endure a sexless marriage, kids or not!
¤ Oh, and all these women responding about how "you're a man and should get a clue about how we women feel about having babies…and therefore YOU DUMB MEN should get used to NOT HAVING SEX…", seriously, you are not encouraging any men to even WANT kids with you after your pathetic rants!
***And there is a BIG difference between a "dry spell", a "drought", and a "desert" when it comes to sex. A dry spell is maybe a one time month thing. A drought is maybe a two or three month lack of sex here and there. A desert is a complete lack of sex! There is never any reason why ANYONE needs to put up with being sexually abandoned — not ever, period! IT IS EMOTIONALLY DESTRUCTIVE!
2007-07-26 02:17:23 · answer #1 · answered by Maximilian Hazard 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Dear Mike,
In answer to your actual question: yes, it unfortunately, happens all the time.
I guess the question you need to ask yourself is, "Why is the fridge empty?"
If you really want your sex life with your wife to turn around and get things back to the way they used to be, you have to help to make that a reality.
Why don't you have sex enough? Is she stressed? Do you cuddle with her enough? Do you help with the baby? Do you help out around the house a little? Does she work also? How much intimate time do the two of you set aside to just flirt or watch movies? Do you talk enough together?
There are so many things that come into play here. Have you expressed to your wife how much you desire her and that she is still the sexiest woman alive? Maybe, she doesn't feel sexy anymore. A lot of women go through this one.
The only answer here is for you to sincerely communicate with your wife for the two of you to work this out. I don't believe that you want to cheat. You could try picking some wild flowers, writing to her a home-made poem about how much you love her, have someone watch the baby for the night and spend some real quality time.
If she is stressed out and is uptight at the beginning of this night. Try giving her a back rub, just for a few minutes, and watch the night soar!
Have fun. It's worth it!
2007-07-26 09:55:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing will turn around if you keep 'eating out'!!! Don't be a fool!!! You obviously love your wife, so put forth the extra effort to reassure her that she is beautiful and everything you need.
Many marriages suffer after children enter the equation. It really depends on the people though. Be sure to make time for just the two of you and take her out often. She may be stuck in 'mommy' mode and finding it hard to snap back to 'wife' mode. You can help her with this by giving the relationship extra effort. Remind her of the reasons the two of you have been together for 8 years.
Whatever you do, try to keep everything positive and don't constantly complain about how unhappy you are with your sex life. This could push her further away from you.
Good luck - I hope everything works out well for all of you!
2007-07-26 09:15:58 · answer #3 · answered by mom2two 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, this happens to other couples... except the part where you "fool around." That is the most cowardly and pathetic thing you can do. If you really want to turn things around, you should act like a man and face the real problem, not try to skirt around it like a cheap pimp. Cheating can lead to you bringing home a disease, or knocking up some bimbo that will demand support from you... support that will no longer be going to your wife and her baby. Talk to your wife. Tell her how you feel. Work with her. Get some counseling if necessary. Do whatever you have to do to fix your problem like a grown up, and stop being a pathetic, loser cheat.
2007-07-26 09:10:11 · answer #4 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wish I knew the answer to that, then maybe I wouldnt feel so abandoned. We been married 14 years, sex was always very infrequent, but the last 3 and a half years my husband hasnt touched me. Theres no intimacy of any kind not even a kiss in all this time. Try living with that, and wondering why. Daydreaming that I'm going to pass away, never having had sex ever again. I'm 55 so thats not so inconceivable, but it is sad.
2007-07-26 13:14:54 · answer #5 · answered by BoosGrammy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First and foremost, you can't convince me that you're sincere in wanting to build this relationship into something more than it is if you are fooling around. You may love her and on;ly her, but you are giving away something that should be hers by having sex outside the marriage. If the fridge is empty, stock it, don't eat out.
You just need to figure out what diet she is on, and find ways to get her interested enough to snack more often between meals. Try talking to her. There are plenty of informational web sites and or books out there that can provide you with new and enlightening ways to find out what a woman really wants from you. Most importantly, show her that you love her, you desire her, and that you are as interested in her pleasure as you are yours.
2007-07-26 09:41:35 · answer #6 · answered by Rappel_Welch 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
can't you talk with her about this issue? it IS a problem, especially for you.
sometimes after a woman has a baby, all energy is focused on the child... and also, nature does provide for a woman's sex drive to go down hill at least for 1-2 years after a child's birth, just for this reason (nurturing the child).
it's not really fair of you to be cheating, even though you say you have "needs"... you made a committment to your marriage, and i'd say you're wrong.
address the issue with your wife. ask her if she'd like to change things. there could be a lot of reasons she is not interested in sex right now... how are other things between you?
sometimes counseling helps? marriage counseling helps teach us how to open the lines of communication. many people don't know how...
take care.
2007-07-26 09:10:53 · answer #7 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Since when did it become all about you? "Since the baby came....." You answered your own question.
My daughter and son-in-law had a baby girl June 3 of this year and her husband wanted to know why she couldn't or wouldn't have sex with him 3 days later!
He still "badgers" her for sex, even though she is breastfeeding, learning a new routine (babies have a habit of messing up the routine ya know) and making sure she can still get everything else done at home. You know, the mundane things - laundry, pay the bills, groceries, clean the house, the list is endless. AND she now has a new baby. She told her husband that when he was ready to do 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. feedings AND help out with the housework, then and ONLY then would she even consider his physical needs.
And to address your attitude of "my wife is still the sexiest women on earth to me" is bs. If she were, you wouldn't even be thinking about "getting it on" with some other woman. You are trying to justify to us and yourself why you cheat on your wife.
When you start caring enough about your wife to make her the ONLY woman in your life and not worry about your sexual ego, when you start caring about HER needs (and we ain't talking sexual here dude) then you might stand a chance.
But you might also consider that she knows about you dipping your wick in someone else's candle.
And no. You can't expect it to turn around with your attitude and selfish behavior.
It ain't all about you!
Get over yourself.
2007-07-26 09:17:57 · answer #8 · answered by palmyrafan 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
No offence but i dont like men fooling around....turn the tables,how would u react if UR wife fools around without u knowing..."dont do to others what u dont want them to do to u".....of course things can turn around if u talk to her,and who knows she must be feeling the same way as u do.....after a child is born the wife gets a little busy....there has to be romance even after the kids r born but it depends on both the parties to keep that romance alive.....just talk to her,im sure she wants sex as much as u want it!!!best of luck!!!
2007-07-26 09:13:56 · answer #9 · answered by Sexysaint 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i wont even address the crap about eating out of the trash or whatever that crap was.
it happens to all couples, but because women bear 90% of the baby making burden, men dont understabd what toll it takes on the woman. maybe you could try making her feel like a girl again, get her some baby help, so she can rest and get herself pampered. we cant get wet when we have stuff on our minds. take her shopping, manicure, pedicure, make her fell sexy in your eyes, cause im sure her body has changed and she is feeling less than sexy. buy her some lingerie. but before all this can happen, you have to get her in a relaxed state no baby worries, no body insecurities etc.
2007-07-26 09:18:09 · answer #10 · answered by kira 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋