Can children from a previous marriage feel they have been replaced by the new baby?

Question

My partner and I have discussed having children.He said he wants another kid.But he actually said we should wait a couple of years because he is afraid his 2 kids ( aged 7 and 9) from his previous marriage will feel that they have been replaced.Is this normal?
I do not agree with this and I do not want to wait at least 2 more years before conceiving.How do I tell him this.??
Please give me advice on how should I discuss this with him without spoiling the relationship we have.On the other hand I would not continue to be in a relationship with him if he sais that he will not change his mind.It si not fair to me.

Thank you all for your advice.I also agree I should get the older children involved. But ...before we get to that I need to talk this with my partner.How do I tell him I don't want to wait?I would like to start trying to conceive soon as I know it might take up to a year even for helthy couples to conceive.How do I go about this?

Answer 1

Short answer is YES.

The longer answer is ...not always, but I see where he's coming from. If I were in his shoes, I would be worried about bringing a new woman into the picture and then suddenly a new baby too. The bigger issue is his kids may ALREADY feel like you're replacing their mother and resent you.

By waiting a few years the kids will have had time to adjust to you and then can work on adjusting to a new baby. If you love this man, you will realize that his obligation to his kids come first.

Answer 2

At age 7 & 9, the kids are pretty much at the age where they can adjust, understand and adapt that the "new mommy in daddy's life gives us new brother/sister"
Just like the understand that you are new in their daddy's life. In any case taking you into their lives + a new baby all goes better if the attitude is to make them understand and not pamper them with compromies all the time.
Your husband needs to understand that while compassion, talking and explaining will go a long way. Major decisions cannot wait based on the idea that kids might feel replaced.
All siblings question this when they see another kid, and every parent works the same way as you guys might have to.
Also the trying to concieve part, pregnancy part will be a good amount of time for you people to start the process. Nearly 1 year I might say even if you guys get lucky immediately.
So talk to your guy, maybe it is partly his insecurity as a divorced dad that is making him say this. Good luck.

Answer 3

Hello!

I just had a little baby boy and I can tell you that he is the light of his brother and sister's lives.

I was divorced and remarried within a year. I found out I was expecting and with all the transition I felt worried that my children would not accept the new baby. My daughter was really disappointed that it wasn't a girl when we discovered the gender.

I think the key is to make sure they understand that they will always hold a special place in the family. I tell my daughter she is my "only girl" and that she is my first baby and that makes her feel special. I tell my middle son that he was my first boy and he is always going to be my buddy. We did a lot of work with them beforehand to prepare them for the baby's arrival and they have never been jealous of him one bit.

I think you and your partner need to sit down and talk about this. If you are not yet married maybe he doesn't want to be tied down yet by having another child. Maybe he is scared of having a big commitment like that again after he has already been through a divorce.

I hope you can come to a conclusion. Good luck.

Answer 4

If you keep them involved they will feel much better about it. Wait until you are mid pregnancy and out of the major danger zone and also beginning to show some. Just to stave off confusion and too long of an anticipation period. Take them to the store and let them each pick out an outfit, blanket or whatever. Ask their opinions between a couple different nursery themes.... so on. If you keep them involved they will feel that they are part of the whole plan and will probably be more likely to embrace the idea of a new baby as opposed to resenting it.

Answer 5

Older children can certainly feel resentful of a new baby. I don't think waiting two years will make any difference though. In fact, I could see a 9 year old being more excited about having a new baby in the house than a bratty teenager.

Answer 6

This is a tough one. I imagine that it is the same reaction when a sibling is born. The first child if close in age, often regresses to gain parental attention. If the 2 children are included in the discussions about a possible brother or sister that might come along one day and how they will be able to help dad and yourself and look after and nurture the baby and if you make them feel that they are loved and will continue to be loved because love is magical in that it can grow bigger and bigger so that everyone is loved.

Answer 7

I dont think waiting two more years is going to do anything....the kids may feel that way at first but at their ages i'm sure they will also be very excited about having a little brother or sister...maybe your partner isnt ready...it sounds like he is making an excuse for himself....you need to sit him and the kids down and discuss this matter...Good Luck Sweetie!!

Answer 8

I think if you encourage the older children to think of the baby as a sister or brother and them being big sisters or brothers they will not think that. Let them help with picking out stuff for the baby and doing the nursery!! Make it a family thing- they will then understand that the baby will add to their lives not detract from it!!

Answer 9

children at that age are very sensitive towards sharing love and attention of a new siblings especially when its not from their biological mom. but that also depends on the way they are being treated by you. if you can make them feel as though as you are their real mother with unconditional love and affection, it wont be a big problem for you to add another member in the family. otherwise, you might creat friction between them and their dad. children at that age are most vulnerable and insecure about whether they are being loved or not by their parents especially for children from a broken family. ask yourself, whether you could love them like your own and treat them like your own children and later if you conceive your own children, can you treat them fairly and not being bias on whose your own and whose not?after answering these question sincerely, then only you ask your husband to decide.

Answer 10

my husband has a son from a previous marriage who is now 14 yrs old we have a son of our own and is now 4 yrs old they could not be closer as brothers what we did was talk about it with his son and make sure he was included in everything that he could be and tried to spend as much time with him as we could before the baby was born and since my son has been born he has been a great big brother we just make sure that when he is at our house that we don't show owr son more attention than him and everything is GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!! we do spend a lot of family time hope this helps (its not as hard as you think trust me I've been right where you are and everything worked out great good luck)