Please Help with the situation I have at hand!?

Question

There is this women. I fooled around with her when we were younger and never went any further than that. That was about 8 yrs ago. Now I am living with my girl friend and have kids. She also lives with her boyfriend and also has kids. We also live in the same apt. complex 2 bldgs. apart. We see each other often. I hang out with her current boyfriend. Well the other night she told me she still thinks about me. I also do the same. I wonder What If? What could have been? I talk to her every night while I am at work and she told me she has feeling for me and the more I talk to her I am starting to have more and more feeling for her. She was engaged but she called it off since have started talking. What am I to do? Her boyfriend doesn't appreciate her and my girlfriend has become a total nightmare over the last couple of months. Please help.

I have read the opinions that have been posted. Some are appreciated and some are just plain stupid. Those of you who are being serious thanks for the support. Me and my girl actually had broken up a few months back before I had ever starting talking to this girl. Yeah we got back together under the circumstances that we would change but nothing has changed. Maybe thats why I am starting to drift away even more. For the record I am not looking for acceptance. Thanks again for everybodys opinion.

Answer 1

It is always difficult to do the RIGHT thing. All adults have experienced the temptation you are facing now. Most of us come to our senses and realize that the pain we would inflict on our families, should we follow our selfish desires, would also ruin us. The worth of self respect cannot be underestimated. My advice would be to pack up your family and move away from this situation, as far, and as fast, as you possibly can.

Cut all ties with the object of your recent passion. And be a man, tell your spouse why you are moving. And tell her that you are choosing her. Then actually choose her and marry her. You might be surprised how she might improve if she felt you actually had some regard for her and your children.

Answer 2

Tell your girlfriend that things are not working out. Tell her that things were supposed to change but they did not and you must go your separate ways. There is no reason for you to stay together if you are not happy. But don't go behind her back and cheat. It is only going to cause more problems and more hurt. You really have to think this out. There are kids lives here at stake too. Sneaking around with this other woman is not going to be so easy since you live in the same apartment complex and cheating is not right. Is this other woman willing to give up her boyfriend also??? Just make sure you are thinking with your "real head" -(I'm not being a smarta*** when I say that. )

Answer 3

Why put your girlfriend and kids through this pain? Leave your girlfriend and sort out your feelings for your ex girl. But never leave someone to be with another person because it never works.

It's a shame that you have cheated emotionally on your girlfriend but I guess that's life and you have to do what makes you happy. But what about the happiness of your family? Do they matter? I'm not trying to be mean or anything just wanted to know what makes a man hurt his family....I know you and your current girlfriend may have issues as all relationships do but if you felt in your heart that the relationship was over when you first left, why did you go back? WHat made you go back? The kids?

How will you deal with her current boyfriend? Since the two of you have hung out and now you want his girl, how do you think he feels? How about your girlfriend?

Answer 4

You're in a tough spot since you are feeling unfulfilled in your current relationship and you are finding some of what your heart wants with this other woman. But beware: often this is very deceiving since you don't live with this person and don't yet spend enough time with her to get the "catch" or any downside stuff.

If you think your life is a nightmare now, try having your girlfriend pissed with you, your kids crying and new demands from another woman who has her own ex (who is also pissed at you) and kids.

First, decide if you want to do the work with your current girlfriend to fix what's wrong INDEPENDENT of any consideration of this other woman. If you decide you do, then you must not have contact with this other woman - she is only an unhealthy distraction to you.

If you decide not, take a break. Get used to your new life in relation to your ex, handling the kids etc. before you even think about dating anyone new.

Good luck.

Answer 5

I myself had something like this happen a year ago. I ran into an ex boyfriend that I had in high school 8 years ago. We went a little further though, we were each other's first loves. When I came across him, I had a boyfriend that I was in love with and he just found out he got a woman pregnant and was going to marry her. Even though we each had our own relationships, we would talk about 3 times a week. We would reminace over what used to be and what had happened over the coarse of the last 8 years with each other. Eventually, I broke up with my boyfriend and despite his marital problems, he is still married with two kids now. To get to my point, what you guys are feeling is more like "fantasy" instead of "reality." You're feelings are more like "what could of come about us if we stayed together" rather than dealing with your own relationship with your current partners. You have to decide if you love your girlfriend or not. You have to decide what is best for your kids also, they are the most important factors. If you decide that you do not love your current girlfriend anymore, then take a break. Not to be with this other "friend" of yours, but to decide what you really & truly want. Do not get into a relationship with your "friend" right away. Then if you do decide that you do truly love & want to be with your current girlfriend, then maybe she will be understanding and decide to pursue her relationship with you.

Answer 6

your girl has probaly been acting like a total nightmare the last couple of months because she fills that you are messing around with that other female, which you are and you have fillings for her. make sure that its not just a physical attraction between the two of you, ask yourself if you leave your girl for the new girl will you be able to afford child support an be apart from them because of another woman, and what if you guys both leave your spouse and you start dating for a few months and the new girl decides that she didnt make the right decision and she wants to go back to her baby's dad and leave you. what are you going to then end up a single nan on child support and broke. your getting in beef with your wife now because you dont show her enough attention because you got that other girl on your mind and your woman can since the vibe between the two of you women have that gift for some reason. i was once in the same shoe as you bud and you know what the out come was she ended up leaving me for another man but we didn't have kids so it was easier for her to make her decision. i think you should stick with what you have and make the best of it an try showing your girl and kids a little more attention and see what happens. k! have a good one

Answer 7

Dont do anything stupid by leaving your kids for some girl you have feelings for these will pass. It was stupid of her to call off an engagment just because your talkking to her. Of course your gf is going nuts your talking to another woman. Stop or you'll loose your gf and kids do you really think you can see your kids crying because you want someone else. What if this girl wants you then breaks up with you because of court papers the visitation rights the arguments over who's weekend it is to have the kids, could you really live with yourself. this girl would probably leave you, then what would you do go back to your broken up family? Something to think about kiddo.

Answer 8

even though your relashonship with your girlfriend isnt exactly what you wanted lately you have to remember that there are going to be the "good times and the bad times" i know that the bad times can be extremely hard but you have to think of your kids......im not saying to stay with your girlfriend for your kids im just saying try to work things out with your girlfriend before you decide to leave her. i would tell your girlfriend your feelings and have a very serious talk with her. The grass may seem greener on the other side but is it actually better? Think of what you have right now. you wouldnt have that if it werent for your girlfriend. you two have obviously made a life together. Be strong and dont be afraid to tell your girlfriend your feelings. Decide whats best for you and your kids before taking any big steps. Best of Luck To You

Answer 9

you are going to have to do what you think you need to do for happiness. just consider too the lives and feelings of your children and how this could affect alot of peoples lives. you would want to be damm sure and then some that this new relationship can withstand time and problems and provide eternal continuance before you would want to rip apart everyones lives. make sure its the real thing before you make any serious changes. if it were only yourself it would be different i would say go for it. but look man you have way too many lives involved here to do something without being very sure this relationship is any more than a slight passing fancy.

Answer 10

So whats the problem here? You have basically just about answered your own question so the next step is to do it. Neither of you is happy in your current relationship so why continue. Life is way too short to go thru it unhappy, especially when you have your true answer within 2 buildings so time has come to end being unhappy and move onto being happy again. Go for it and good luck