Should your significant other's family effect whether you choose to take on a more serious relationship?

Question

I've been dating my boyfriend now for about 4 years, most of his family I get along with well but they have a lot of problems. I worry about getting sucked into their drama when I just want a life with my boyfriend. After 4 years together engagement and children come up a lot in conversation. His mother is an alcoholic and a gambling addict who has walked out on her family. She's made very sefish decisions that have driven her family into bankruptcy and shows no remorse for her actions. If my boyfriend and I have kids one day I wouldn't want her to have any part in their lives. I wouldn't want them even knowing she existed because I wouldn't trust her around kids. She's proven herself to be an extremely reckless, irresponsible and untrustworthy person. My boyfriend understands this and agrees with me but I worry that it will create problems down the road. Should your significant other's family play a role in whether you choose to take on a more serious relationship?

She and I have a polite relationship but we never have been nor will we ever be close. I just worry about the drama that could be caused by telling her we don't think she's a suitable influence for kids.

Answer 1

Well if you marry him you marry into the family remember that. Now it seems that you both agree that his mother is not a responsible person. He agrees that if you all have a family one day that she (the grandmother to be) should have no contact with the children I think that is a good idea. One day however you are going to have to tell the children the truth about her, that's the only right thing to do. So I would say yes to some degree you do need to consider the fact that you will be involved with this family. Only you can decide if it is worth it and if he is worth it.

Answer 2

Ask yourself "Do I trust him more than I distrust her". The whole package does have a lot to do with the final outcome in relationships. Also on the lighter side yes His family is very important in this decision about relationships you may want to consider his Wife. Other than that build your own family,

Choose your friends and know your acquaintances. Just because someone is kin doesn't make them FAMILY!

Answer 3

I would say yes, his family and your relationship with his family matter. But, in my opinion, if you both are committed to your relationship, and love eachother as much as is needed about this, then you can together come up with a final decision regarding how to accept/approach/ignore/involve his mom. Then do not change direction, unless again discussed between you. Together you can do it. Good Luck.

Answer 4

it shouldnt bcuz they wont always be around in the long run it will primarily be your husband and kids and seldomly even see the family but if u r worried about her effect on ur future children dont allow unsupervised visits its really as simple as that when it comes down to it they r ur kids ya kno

Answer 5

nope. i like 2 guys who have ****** up family issues. one's mother gave him away to her brother to raise cuz she doesnt know who his dad is even. and the other's mom beat him and is addicted to vicodin in an abusive relationship (and is also my best girl friends mom). and i dont give a damn what they decide to do in their messed-up life! if any of those guys were to decide to not talk to his family ever again, OH WELL thats our problem cuz we most likely wouldnt want to waste our time on people who dont even want to associate with us!

Answer 6

You marry into a family. They are a factor in your choice.
That said, is he aware of your reservations and willing to make a break if necessary?
That's a lot to ask of him, but if it's got to be part of the deal, then deal with it.