an abusive boyfriend/husband change?
2007-07-24 18:26:55 · 22 answers · asked by C12H22O11 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't believe you can make them do anything. If they change, it would have to be of their own choice of their own hard work.
2007-07-24 19:59:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Each person is responsible for their own actions. You are not responsible for his. He has to choose to change and be willing to put in the hard work to do so. Statistically speaking, this is not likely to happen.
Most often, abusers promise to reform, are maybe sweet for awhile, and then it's back to the same old cycle. Why put yourself through that? Why be destroyed? You are a valuable person created in God's image. Love should be about building each other up and caring for each other, not acting destructively to the other person. You deserve better.
I recommend the book "Refuge: A Pathway Out of Domestic Violence & Abuse" (paperback ISBN 1-56309-811-3) written by Detective Sgt. Donald Stewart who has 25 years experience working with domestic violence cases.
It is written from a practical Christian viewpoint and has chapters such as "Understanding Your Worth As A Woman" and "Jesus, Victor Over Violence" as well as "Escaping the Wrath of Your Abuser" and "Ministering to the Abused: Instructions to Pastors and Those Who Counsel."
It also gives profiles of the abused, the abuser, and talks about the effects of domestic violence on children. There is also a chapter entitled "Our Judicial System: What You Need to Know and Expect."
I also recommend Joyce Meyer's ministry at http://www.joycemeyer.org/. She does not really deal with domestic violence issues, but she does have a great deal to say about how much God loves you and wants to help you in your daily life. Her teachings are uplifting, helpful and encouraging.
May God bless you and help you in your situation! You are a valuable person, loved by God!
2007-07-25 01:42:51 · answer #2 · answered by Rella 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No hon, you cannot.
I spent 4 long hard years of my life trying to get my abusive boyfriend to 'change'. You know the only thing that he did was become more violent towards me.
It will always get worse. He won't change unless he wants to. You cannot change him any more than you can stop the wind from blowing.
Most importantly, it's not your job to fix him. That's his job. See, you're not the one who "broke" him. If anything, he's being violent towards you, it should be his job to try to fix his issues.
I know it's hard. I know. I've been there.
Everyone says "leave" as though it's so easy. When you're on the inside of the relationship, it's not so easy to leave.
But trust me, once you leave, you'll look back and think that was the easiest hardest thing I've ever done.
Don't waste your time or your physical safety trying to change someone.
Life is far too short to be someone's punchin' bag.
2007-07-25 01:40:19 · answer #3 · answered by Sumie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let me ask you a question: Have you ever seen that happen? Ever?
The answer is no. The only person that can change anyone is themselves.
The better question is can someone who keeps choosing abusive boyfriends/husbands change. The answer is yes. Concentrate on you, realize that you can have better, and stop choosing abusers.
Good luck.
2007-07-25 01:47:59 · answer #4 · answered by Jon S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO, never. It just gets worse.
Leave an abusive relationship ALWAYS
If you are scared get a restraining order against the abuser.
It is not worth your life. Abuse can turn much worse.
you only live once why let your one chance to have love be with someone who beats you when you could be with a man who loves you enough not to abuse you!
2007-07-25 01:34:12 · answer #5 · answered by Beeg 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Change itself usually happens suddenly or over time. The thing about change is if the person finds that their approach to things still work (you know, they are still getting what they want etc) then they will not change. Some people wont change even if its not working.
Girls tend to pick up troubled guys like this, thinking they can change them with love or whatever. Thats what i dont understand about the female race *rant*!
2007-07-25 01:56:27 · answer #6 · answered by ChAtMaN 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've never seen it happen, I've been in two abusive relationships, the first one ended after he put me in the hospital and I lost my first pregancy. He wound up married to someone else and after they had three children and her put her in hospital more than once he finally got really angry and literally beat her to death. He is now doing a life sentence in a maximum security prison with no hope of parole, his three children are scattered in foster homes.
The second one was just beginning to get physically abusive and I wasn't about to stick around for it to get worse. He now slaps his girlfriend around.
2007-07-25 05:01:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes Many years 7-10 to change simple behaviors. This is with a program to follow with expectations. So hope this helps.
2007-07-25 01:33:43 · answer #8 · answered by curious6710 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You...cannot change anyone! If they have that abusive nature, then there is nothing you can do! Only they can fix that problem and they probably won't admit there is a problem in the first place.
So my answer is no!
2007-07-25 01:42:56 · answer #9 · answered by hereigoagain 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can never change the way someone is. It took me two years to figure out I couldnt change my ex and turned out she was perfect just the way she was. Please dont let him hurt you anymore. Your worth much more than he holds you to be. I never abused you. If you dont want to be with me its ok, but find someone that loves you dearly and never abuses you. I miss us. I miss you
2007-07-25 10:58:27 · answer #10 · answered by pura_corona69 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No... the answer is NO. You cannot make him change, he is the only one that can and that is if he truly wants to. You should live a healthy and happy life, not worry about the negative actions he takes. Please get help and get out.
2007-07-25 01:32:47 · answer #11 · answered by imissrascal 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋