how would you react to this. Adults preferably because obviously teens don't get it.?

Question

My sons (he is 16) girl friend called him & asked if she could come over for a while. He asked me & I said we were getting ready to cook dinner, but yeah she could join us for dinner. I asked him after he got off the phone if she was coming over. He said yes. I change my plans on what I was going 2 make because my hubby was working so he wouldn't be here, I was just going to make something fast for me & my 2 kids. But since she was coming over I didn't want her 1st dinner here 2 be some quicky dinner that didn't have much thought. So I made grilled steak & basil pasta. I get dinner all ready & tell my youngest to go & tell his brother & girlfriend that dinner is ready. My youngest comes in & says they are not eating. I was immediately furious. After she left which was about 30 minutes later. Which was after I ate & after I cleaned up the kitchen.After she left I told my son how upset I was & how rude it was. He & her don't understand why I am upset & that it isn't a big deal. It's RUDE

Answer 1

I sympathise, but kids are thoughtless.
If they weren't they'd be adults.

Answer 2

I would be a little irked but not furious. You should've made sure that she would be joining you for dinner when she came over. Sounds as if you didn't make that clear to your son.

I would've explained that future visits won't be allowed to disrupt the family dinner but that she's welcome to come over to join you. Establish that if she's not going to join the family during dinner then she'll have to come at another time.

THEN, if it's clear that you were preparing a dinner for a guest, you have a right to be a little more upset.

Take the time to explain and give your son a pass on the first one. Do this in front of your other children so that THEY'll get the message but dont' use an angry tone. Perhaps this willl help ALL of your children know where family time and dinner time rank in importance and learn to respect that.

Answer 3

You gotta love them mom..... Teens that is. I have a fifteen yo that is going trough some sort of traformation with this girlfriend thing myself, I tell you what, I have never been so confused about what they do. Ive raise a girl, now 20, and I dont think she was ever really as bad as the two boys Ive gone and are going through. Here is what I think is the deal with these boys. It is a common thing for boys, I believe, to think they are the kings of the household after a certain age. Why, Well that is one of those question I dont even think the profesionals can answere very well. I think they are born with it. Then they start reaching that age where the apron strings are starting to untie, and all the hard training and good boy stuff seems to go out the door. My fifteen yo is in that field right now. It seems to me that he thinks its ok to be rude, but like it or not I put him right back in his place. My suggestion to you is let him not understand, be firm on what you tought him, maybe even reverse the role and be rude in a nice way to him so maybe just maybe he will see the picture and figure it out. Oh and nest time he wants his girl friend to come over tell him if they are hungry fix her something yourself, and maybe he can see then just how much mom has to slave to be polite. I hope that it helps to know that you are not the only one with a teen that thinks its ok to be rude whenever they feel like being that way. You just remember you brought him into the world you can take him out... figurativly speaking of course.... good luck with everything... PS there probably is a support group for moms and dad with teens somewhere around, check into it if you think it would help.

Answer 4

Ok I'm not a teen but early 20's here and I say that its not rude. I mean sure if she was coming by to tell him something for a class or just see how he was doing for a few minutes or whatever, I don't see why she has to stay.

I mean you pretty much took it upon yourself on thinking she would stay for dinner and so you went all out and had it all fancy. I say in the future until you have a definite dinner confirmation from the person, you shouldn't make anything really lavish.

And after all, just because you are making something quick for your kids and yourself, why would you need to impress someone else? I mean if she had stayed I'm sure she wouldn't have minded what you had originally planned on eatting.

Answer 5

I understand that you put more effort into dinner than you had planned. But your son just asked if she could come over not if she could come for dinner. You didn't have to go out of your way to prepare that food. If she was going to eat then I am sure the quickie meal would have been just fine by her (she's a teen). You should have asked if she would be joining you for dinner. You assumed she would just because it was dinner time. Sorry mom, you lose this battle.

Answer 6

Just explain to him that you had not planned it that way, and they were out of line. Then ask him how he would feel if you asked him to give up his plans to go out for the night, because you were having a family dinner. Then you decide at the last minute without telling him that you are going to go out to dinner without him.

Tell him that it is called common courtesy. If you want someone to treat you with respect, then you must treat them the same way.

By the way, my son pulled something similar the other day. He (19 or 20 years old) called me and said that he was working late, and would like to come over to my house for dinner after work. I work the night shift and had planned to get some sleep before going to work. Instead, I spent my "rest" time cooking, and waiting, and waiting on him. He never did show up. I called and fussed at him. Well two days later, he called again requesting the same favor. I told him "No!". He was so upset. He said, "But I really am hungry, and wanted to spend some time with you." I told him that because of what he pulled last time, from here on out he would have to make plans in advance. He thought that it wasn't fair, and told me so. I just told him that it wasn't fair that I gave up my much needed rest time to cook for him, then he did not show up. Needless to say, he was sorry that he pulled that one!!

Answer 7

Hello Mama! I went through the same situation with my son when he was 17. I made dinner extra special and not only did she not eat that night but for the next few months when she came over she didn't join us for dinner. I began to wonder about this and talked with my son. He told me that she said that she wasn't hungry and had already eaten before she came over. I started to fix small snack food when she came over. My son would grab a handful of chips or fruits and eat a little as he was spending time with her. I noticed that she began to take strawberries or pretzels from my son and eat a little at a time. She was just bashful and not being rude. She didn't want to eat in front of my son. This is normal and before you know it, she'll be raiding the fridge!

Answer 8

well you should tell your son that the reason you are upset is because he said they were going to have dinner with you and the family when she cam eover, and had you go through all the trouble making a nice dinner, and then they just bailed on you. but again to 16 yr olds that dosent seem much of a big deal... partialy a maturity problem

Answer 9

They prolly didnt mean to be rude. Mine only eat in the middle of the night when they have friends over ( like rats) lol. I would let it slide, they are young. In the future though, if you cook for them, then go tell them "hey, I cooked for you" and insist that they come and sit. I feel your pain though. ( it sounded like a great dinner) :)

Answer 10

You're upset. It's alright to be upset because you went to the length to prepare dinner. But you can't expect them to be grateful enough to eat what you've prepared. Because that's just the way it is. To placate your feelings you can speak to your son when you're no longer upset. Tell him how upset you were. But the thing is, never expect anything from others even from people you've dedicated yourself with. Just accept things as they come.

Answer 11

As a mother, I sympathize with you.
They may not be feeling for food, as they have something else to fill their abdomens with. But they should respect your sincerity and care with which you prepared the meals.
I'm from India and in our culture, refusing cooked meal is the ultimate insult one can bestow upon another person.
You cannot rebuke the girl, but tell your son, in no unclear terms, that it is ungentlemanly, idiotic and insulting to refuse cooked diet.
Thanks.