My son is 4 , and he loves to go to his grandmothers (my in laws) and I am forever fighting with them to watch him when he goes out side ,put his seat belt on ,Stop giving him coffee,well the latest thing when he slept over his grandfather told him to take his foot and put it between his grandmothers legs and wiggle his toes. it makes her laugh.... am I wrong for thinking this has gone too far ? or is this just playing ? my wife seems to always take her family's side and thinks it was wrong but not that bad to make an issue about it I feel I need to stand firm and never allow sleep overs and only to visit when one of us are there plaese help and ty
2007-07-24 17:32:06 · 15 answers · asked by tom d 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Um....I do not think you are wrong or over reacting at all, I would flip out if my son's fathers parents did something like that, you need to lay down the law and explain to them what is acceptable to you for you son to be allowed over there and I think it would be a wise decision to always be there when he is there. I agree to not sleepovers there as well.
2007-07-24 17:36:47 · answer #1 · answered by teresawol 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said: "his grandfather told him to take his foot and put it between his grandmothers legs and wiggle his toes. it makes her laugh"
UGH! That does sound very inappropriate. Of course, I don’t know *exactly where* he's putting his foot, so maybe it's not as bad as it sounds.
Yes, I'd think these issues needed to be addressed. But, what you need to do first is get your wife on board. It cannot just be YOU standing firm....it has to be BOTH of you.
2007-07-25 00:51:22 · answer #2 · answered by kp 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tom-D, its never too far when it concerns perserving the innocence of a young child...yours or someone elses!
Many adults, "innocently" use children unknowingly for sexual purposes. Its when the child grows out of childhood and realizes the true purpose af these acts, he/she starts to show signs of emotional trauma. This could be a life altering situation that your child may never recover from. So "no"...you are the one person who should be concerned!
The next question is..."how do you handle it?"
First, remind youyr wife that this is your son too...and it is you responsibility to protect her...from anyone!
Find the strength to establish dialouge with the Grandparents! Let them know that no contact with genital areas are allowed!
If they get upset...so what!...they will get over it! The one thing you can do to stop a petifile is to confront them! Let them know you may know what their intentions are. If they aren't, they should understand. Let them know that this is 2007, with sex so blatant and and used in every way possible, you want to keep your child from being confused sexually by such actions!
I would soley base your decision by what you see in thier eyes and the way they respond to you as far as the sleep overs. The thing is...unless you were to catch them in a precarious situation, you just don't know! So go with your gut!
You may love your wife TD, but I can tell you that you would never want to hear your son ask you..."Daddy...why didn't you do something".
This is your family and I commend you for caring the way you do. Good Luck!
2007-07-25 00:57:05 · answer #3 · answered by CSnumber1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looks to me that grampa and gramma are a wee bit too kinky :-) Sorry, dont mean to make a joke of it but it's odd that these two grown-ups are'nt able to differentiate what's acceptable and what's not. Coffee for a 4 years old is already an indication that they're not thinking straight! Best if you and your wife talk to them about this and be honest with how you feel. He is your son and you have every right to be protective and ensure that he is taught well.
2007-07-25 00:51:48 · answer #4 · answered by snoringcouchprincess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they were letting him play with in the street would you say something or not make an issue out of it? Being a parent means putting your kids first PERIOD! Anything that could potentially harm them must be dealt with in the moment. Yes I do feel it is very inappropriate. Would you allow them to ask him to rub her breasts? If not then what is the difference, confront them immediately before something happens and it is way to far to question how far it is.
2007-07-25 00:39:11 · answer #5 · answered by gemini800 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I don't think you're wrong for thinking its gone too far. That's inappropriate behavior for a 4 year old to be around if you ask me. They don't sound like good grandparents to me. You shouldn't have to tell them to put his seat belt on, don't give him coffee, and especially watch him when he goes outside.
2007-07-25 00:44:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah i have to put up with the coffee and chocolate thing and even seat belts a couple of times and strange eating habits and hygiene ! but........i would draw the line here. I keep my mouth shut about lots of things because I know they are just spoiling a child that they love. Maybe they didn't realize that he saw this happen, I would talk to them about it but not accusingly
2007-07-25 01:19:48 · answer #7 · answered by in His image 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is possible that he was joking and said something very inappropriate but I sure would be pumping my son and finding out if there is anything else going on? You can't be to careful where your children are concerned.
2007-07-25 00:38:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i firstly, i think its wrong to give coffee to a minor and i find it strange that the grandfather to your son tells the little boy to do such. mmm its really strange but before you decide to do anything, i think should talk to your inlaws about this and let them know how you really feel.
2007-07-25 05:50:48 · answer #9 · answered by Abby 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This doesn't sound like just playing. It's disgusting, inappropriate, & potentially traumatizing. Put a stop to it.
2007-07-25 01:01:59 · answer #10 · answered by brutally honest 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋