I would appreciate some advice on dating a divorced man with kids?

Question

I met a man a few months back who has two girls aged 11 and 15. He has then half time every Thursday til Saturday afternoon. When he's with them during this time or away with them, I do not hear from him and I have been respecting that.. I guess I'm just trying to figure out how I fit into all this...I guess I just feel a bit left out at times....like may-be I'm not that important. I know his kids will always be more important, but where is the line here in terms of us? For example, I had been mentioning that it would be great for the two of us to go on a trip or something in the fall/winter, but his response was that he wanted to take the girls on a trip somewhere...he didn't tell it was his birthday 'til after the fact and basically said that it was more important to him that his family remembered and such...it just made me feel like I was in a separate box from everything. I have not met the kids yet and he says his younger one is protective of him..I just don't know..advice

Answer 1

Well, you are only dating him. You are not engaged, he is just a boyfriend and kids are more important than a boyfriend or girlfriend.
He probably is not ready for something that is extremely serious at the moment and enjoying his time with his girls. You need to let him have his time and not let your feelings get hurt because it is not like you are engaged and have set plans to live the rest of your life with this man.. He does have his girls in his life for the rest of his life.

Answer 2

This guy sounds like a looser. I am sorry but you don't want to play second fiddle to his kids IF this were to develop into a serious relationship do you? I don't buy the thing that the kids will always be more important, etc., etc. When two people are married and are together, they have a life outside of the kids. The kids (hopefully) don't rule their lives then. So, if he isn't strong enough to stand up for you to his kids at their young ages...that doesn't bode well. Dad is STILL the boss and he shouldn't let them be controlling him now anymore than when he was married to their mom. His weak behavior would be a real turn off to me and I'd look for less baggage. ;)

Answer 3

don't even think of meeting his kids for at least a year. he is most likely afraid that if he introduces you and then you two break up it will scar the kids worse than they already are. It can be very difficult for girl children to accept a new woman in their dads life and this has to be handled carefully. you must have patience with this as it will take a long time for the trust to develop to the point where you will be involved in his family life. he is also more than likely afraid of any conflict he will have with you over his priorities at this point. you have a choice, give this the time it needs to develop or bail out. in a very real sense you are in a separate box from his family life and that won't change for some time. I didn't even mention that i was seeing someone until she and I had been seeing each other for almost a year. the introduction was made slowly over two months until the big meeting. before hand my ex and her husband and me and my girl met and discussed the situation and came up with a plan to handle things. be ready for a similar process.

Answer 4

Okay I'll give you 2 perspectives on this, first of all I am a recently remarried father of 2 teenage boys now married to a mother of a teenage girl,yikes. Anyway communication is always key I have had 1 failed marriage and my last wife passed away, By now all the stupid crap has come to the surface and been dealt with. You know what you want out of life and you have to keep that front and center in the end you matter most if your not happy will he be? next do you have children,if not then that is where your issue will be. Now he may have neglected his girls in the past and feels he needs to make up for it now, or they may have that great of a relationship. But, you need to tell him how you feel and interject yourself into his life if that is where you want to be. If so win his girls hearts and in turn you will have his undivided attention because his girls will talk to him about you. Now you need to realize that they will always have that place in his heart daddy's girls and all so be patient.

Answer 5

You don't say how long you have known this man. It is sounding to me as though he likes things how they are and he has no plans on progressing any further. I would think by now that he would have introduced you to his girls if he thought you and he would have a future. Do you know for a fact that he is divorced? It is possible that he is still married and does not want his wife to know. If the two of you are being intimate, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.

Answer 6

He gets the kids Thursday through Saturday afternoon, so obviously your time with him is Saturday night through Wednesday night (which is a decent amount of time), UNLESS he invites you to join him and kids doing something. That may not happen for a long time. Many divorced people don’t introduce the girlfriend/boyfriend to the kids until they know the relationship is going to be serious (and personally, I think that’s best). So *until then*, you are basically in a ‘separate box' as you put it, just meaning you aren’t involved in that part of his life. And there’s nothing wrong with that. That’s just how it is when you date a man with kids.

Honestly, it sounds like maybe you’re not ready to date a man with kids. It takes someone who is very mature, understanding, and willing to share their guy. Now don’t take that as a criticism, because it’s not meant to be that. But, it does sound like you're having problems with it. And if you can’t handle it, then you need to consider ending the relationship before it gets serious. Maybe you need a guy that you don’t have to share.

Answer 7

He is a responsible father and his father duty comes first. Based on the age, he has 7 more years to go before the kids grow to be 18. These girls are in their teens. There will be natural competition and jealousy going on if they find out about you and you are eating into their time with their father. He will be stuck in the middle and will resent you.

At least the pecking order is clear, he is not leading you on

Answer 8

All I can say is Things take time so go with that and see how things work out

Answer 9

Ugh, mama, you have to allow him to put the kids first..... they are young and he doesn't want them close to a woman he is just dating. Obviously he is not thinking of engagement or marriage at this point, who knows if he ever will. i say he's doing what's best for his kids. Back off...... or lose him. He will choose them over you if he has to, and he will be right.

Answer 10

You've made hints at doing things with him and his kids and he's obviously not interested in that. You are in a seperate box...i suggest that you move on to someone else that will appreciate you for the beautiful person you are.

You deserve better.