Husband Home From 3rd Deployment & He's Totally Changed...anyone else know what I'm talking about?

Question

My husband is in the army and has been deployed numerous times in the last 8 years. This last deployment really took a large toll on him. He came home a completely different man. I understand that the things he's seen over there were probably really ugly, but he is rude to me, very impatient w/our son, totally bipolar and flies off the handle about EVERYTHING. He's not the same man I married. We've been through deployments before, so I really dont know why this one has totally screwed him up! I'm scared! I dont want to risk our marriage, but something has to be done. Please dont recommend marriage counseling, because we've been there and done that. He just thinks we're ganging up on him
(the counselor and myself) even though that's not really the case...We had another baby a year ago, and I thought he would mellow out, but no. He decided to go to an anger management class, he went once and never returned. He calls me nasty names...I've just had it. Anyone else understand?

Answer 1

Marriage counseling would not help him.

He obviously went through something that he does not know how to handle and has made him react to the situation that occurred. It seems that he has not discussed this with you either and from my discussions with my cousin's, there are somethings that a soldier cannot discuss with anyone. They say it is hard not being able to discuss certain things with their family and have seen this situation change their fellow soldiers.
There has to be some support for your husband so that he can go and discuss whatever it was that he went through and be able to discuss it so that he can work through it..

I pray that he makes it through this and figures out how to handle whatever it is he went through.

I worked with someone years ago that went through desert storm and he told me a story that has changed his life forever. He said that when he came home from deployment he could not discuss nothing until the war was over and it nearly killed him emotionally because he had to hold it in for so long.

Answer 2

My hubby is on his 1st deployment to Iraq so I haven't been through what you are going through right now but, have you heard of that family vacation they offer to re-connect with your soldier when he comes home ? Do you have that lil dang booklet that they give you on warning signs and red flags ? I know that somethimes you really don't wanna get his command or military personnel involved, but if you think its serious then please seek their help. It might be ptsd. You know your hubby best and you know when he is not himself and something is wrong. Go with your gut. How long has he been back ? Has he had time to adjust ? Good luck. I am here for you. Just be safe. I hope he gets back to himself soon.

Answer 3

Yikes. Sounds like PTSD, and he needs more than anger management to heal from it. Surely there's an advisor affiliated with the army who can put in contact with local resources? I'd start there. Good luck.

Answer 4

Though i don't exactly understand i still feel bad for the situation you've been put in. Im sorry i can't give you any advice. Hope things work out.

Answer 5

Yep. PTSD. God bless you both.
Your family is in my prayers. I'm not bailing on your plea for help by saying that - quite the contrary, I'm doing all I can for both of you and if he goes for some help, it's because he needs it and wants it.. Take care of yourself and your children. Let him know how you feel, let him know the extremes that his behavior creates with you.
Peace. Thanks to him for serving, and thanks to you for serving with him by taking care of your home while he's been away.

Answer 6

ptap. is what your husband is going throught on this matter war changes people , my honest opion?