I work a night shift job from 3:30pm to 12midnight. when i get home from work i have to spend a couple hrs. winding down till usually around 3:30am when i fall asleep then i sleep till around 10:30-11am. my wife says that she feels like i am just a roomate instead of a husband. because her and my kids never see me. can someone please help me i don't know what to do. and I can't find a better job than the one i have it pays better than anywhere else.
2007-07-24 17:14:35 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Two hours wind down time is to much..Take a long hot shower, make a cup of sleepy time tea go to bed. Get up at 9:30 am. You do the breakfast kitchen clean up. Take a walk with the family. Your wife is being honest with you. If you can't make a job change you must adjust in other ways. Oh by the way, why are you spending time on answers instead of rubbing your wife's feet...LOL
2007-07-24 17:22:23 · answer #1 · answered by Cinnamon 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Because of your job, your home life seems to be messed up a little, and it is putting a strain on your marriage. What I would do is on your days off, I would take your wife out for dinner, or a movie. Take a ride in the country, what I mean is do something together instead of sitting by the boob tube. Also, plan a weekend away if you can get a sitter. You need to revive the romance in your marriage and that will be the way to do it. It is obvious that you love your wife and children and know there is something wrong, but there are ways to rectify the situation and I have given you some ideas. Also try to do a few things as a family too, an amusement park, a movie, horseback riding. Also when you get home, relax a while and make time to romance your wife at least a few times a week. Make dates with her and to spice things up, put some music on, ask her to dance in the living room, pour a glass of wine and move toward the bedroom. Best of Luck to you..I know you will try because it is obvious you love your wife.
2007-07-25 19:48:59 · answer #2 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a whiner and it sounds like you have a immature wife. I worked those hours for many years and yes I was married with children so I understand but I don't feel much sympathy. I needed some time to wind down but not three and a half hours worth of it. I got myself up in the mornings and helped get the kids off to school and say by to the wife then went back to bed for 2 to 3 hours. For a while when the youngest was not in school I was up watching the kid and then would put him down for a nap and go back to bed for an hour or two. My point is you adjust and your wife needs to adjust. Can you take some time during your lunch hour to either go home and visit for a Little while of maybe have the wife and kids come visit you once again you have to adjust there are options.
2007-07-25 00:30:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off figure or ask your wife when she would like to spend time, and do you work 5 or 6-7 days a week. I know it's tuff I worked 12 hour nights for 2 years and was a zombie. If you put forth a little effort to try and meet her in the middle she will ease up on how you are. But you have to remind her this is a group effort she has to participate in your life also not just you in theirs.
2007-07-25 00:49:44 · answer #4 · answered by Kornbred 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard I worked this shift my self. Make two hours a day family hours. And cook supper up on the weekend and freeze it for your wife to pull out and pop in the oven. Give your wife a break one day a week to go get her hair nails done or whatever besides grocery shopping and away from the kids or whatever days you both agree to. Remember marriage is 50/50 so if she washes and dries the clothes you fold and put away or dishes she washes you dry, another one kids she bathes you dress (if they are small) another thing is to surprise her when you get home a little lovin might get you a little more respect
2007-07-25 00:30:18 · answer #5 · answered by kramer24_2004 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Consider one of these:
Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman
Love in the Present Tense: How to Have a High Intimacy, Low Maintenance Marriage by Morrie and Arleah Shechtman
2007-07-25 00:23:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could spend some "family time" with them like a weekend or change your hours so when your kids are at school and your wife is at work your all there together when you come home. But most of all never make promises that you don't/wont keep...trust me kids hate that the most. I feel that right now your abusing your family mentally and emotionally, because they need you there and your wife really needs you there but you neglect her. Why not take an vacation or change your hours....clocks ticking.
2007-07-25 00:20:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i really don't think that you NEED to spend that much time winding down. You are making the choice to spend that mch time by yourself at night which takes away from the time that you should be spending with your family when you get up in the morning. Most adults only sleep about 6 hours a night and you should try to do the same. Have you even attempted to change your personal time to be with your family? I would personally feel the same way.
2007-07-25 00:21:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
When is your last family outing?
Since you can't find a better job, why not take a break... apply for days leave and bring your family out for vacation else you can also bring them out having a family picnic at the beach.. im sure this will make your wife and kids happy.
You must make known to them that you are working hard for the family and this might cause yourself not enuff time being with them.. but assure them that occasionally you will apply for leave and bring them out..
2007-07-25 00:32:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, its either your job or your family. My brother recently got a divorce because of this exact situation.
You cant have a family that never sees you. Its hard but you got to make a choice to do something. Its hard to be the ONLY one in a relationship.
You owe it to your family to be with them not just the guy who brings in money and sleeps in the same bed with your wife. There has to be more.
2007-07-25 07:22:25 · answer #10 · answered by Erin B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋