Im 22....been with my boyfriend for years....both stable jobs. We live together. So is it ok to have a baby with out being married?
2007-07-24 16:39:53 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In this day and age, it's becoming a lot more acceptable in society to have kids out of wedlock, especially since you're both living together and working. If you were a single woman wanting a baby, more people would have problems with it, but I'd bet that lots of people would have problems with you having children without being married in general.
Personally I see no problem with doing that, though I don't really understand how, if you're serious enough to consider children, you're not serious enough for marriage. I know, weddings are a pain, my sister's is next month and my mom is in freakout mode, but there are other ways of getting married that are simpler and less expensive. However, if you really don't want marriage because of all the luggage and connotations that go with it, I say go ahead and have a child, but you're going to have to deal with a lot of crap from people who think it's their business to tell you what to do.
2007-07-24 16:47:25 · answer #1 · answered by Sarah 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you are both commited to each other and plan to both be in your baby's life regardless if your relationship works out or not yes definitely go for it. Alot of people now days are having babies without being married in my opinion if you are loving and good parents to your children I don't care if you're married or if you aren't it's just not important. I do have a question though are you prepared for the day your child asks you why you aren't married or the day your child comes home and said some kid has called them names because they were born out of wedlock. I'm not bringing you down but this has happened to people I know. Just think everything through and do what's best for you and get married if and when you want to. I hope this helped.
2007-07-25 00:28:45 · answer #2 · answered by spooky13c 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Society is more accepting these days, however, if you love each other enough to have a child why wouldn't you want to provide the legal security that goes with being married? For example - if your significant other (SO) is in an accident and on life support - do you know that typically the hospital will not allow the SO to make the life choices - it would go to the nearest relative (mom, dad, brother or sister...) - do you know that if your SO has real estate and dies - unless they have specifically willed the property to you or made arrangements, it too goes to the "family"...Also, you would have to petition the Court for support for your child(ren) to be acknowledged as heirs...this doesn't even cover the insurance, financial obligations, etc. that are also involved.
Personally, when I see people who live together and have kids but still remain "unmarried" - I always think - "yep, good enough to sleep with (and maybe have kids), but not good enough to give her his name." And hearing "oh, that's my baby's momma/daddy" just sounds so trashy to me.
Thing to ponder: How many well respected, leaders, influential people do you know that live that sort of lifestyle? Would you vote for someone like that to be your president and to represent all that is the United States of America?
2007-07-24 23:52:27 · answer #3 · answered by Wendy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sure, its not against the law or anything. The question here is are you comfortable with being in a realtionship that can end at any moment? Marriage is saying to society that you are committed and it is a legal contract that most think twice before trying to get out of. If you are married, you are both more likely to try to work on things before walking away.
Also, you go without some legal protections and benefits if you are not married. Are you ok with that? If not, maybe you should discuss marriage and see what you decide is best as a couple.
2007-07-24 23:45:51 · answer #4 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Some will tell you yes. Some will tell you no. It depends on whether or not you come from a religious background, and even then it's up in the air.
It doesn't matter what other people think, even your family. What matters is that you and your boyfriend love each other and vow to stick with it in good times AND in bad times and to at least try your hardest to make things work, even if it looks like it won't. That's what a commitment is all about, regardless of that little white paper that you would sign for the government.
You can have a marriage without commitment, and you can have commitment without a marriage. What matters is where your and your boyfriends commitments lie, not what other people think is right or wrong.
2007-07-24 23:44:51 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Raven 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You're still so young. You should wait. Baby and children are not as easy as you might think to take care of. They require alot of work and time. They will still be there when you are truely ready!
My son who was at the time 23 and his girl was 20. they decided that they wanted a baby and since they're living together...i told the girlfriend at the time, that they are youhng and should wait..she said she really wanted a baby and is truely ready...now the baby is 3 years old...No daddy around to help out..Mommy just wants to party and go out with her friends..My poor grandson is being transported around from daycare to daycare!!
2007-07-25 02:24:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's definitely okay.
Just consider this:
A child is the ultimate commitment. There is no divorcing your child. Also, you might want to make sure that your relationship with your boyfriend is really REALLY good. A baby puts a lot of pressure on parents and children would rather come from a broken home than one where there are constant arguments.
2007-07-25 00:00:51 · answer #7 · answered by peacexfrogs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is done all the time. SOmething to think about is if you expect to be together all of your lives or for as long as it takes to raise a child. If you do break up there will still be the need to be involved as long as you are raising the child, or children. Think it over and see if both of you are mature enough to do this no matter what.
2007-07-25 05:07:26 · answer #8 · answered by duaneb_59 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you are already expecting a baby it doesnt matter what anyone thinks, does it, but if you arent and want my opinion, i would say very strongly, no. no. you are too young for a baby anyway right now. first comes love, then comes marriage , then comes you with a baby carriage. also, if you have a baby and arent married and the guy leaves you then you have no claim to certain assets and help you could get if you were married, and, marriage is a sign of mutual respect and love, and respect for the idea of giving a baby a real family, not a play- house one.
2007-07-24 23:50:57 · answer #9 · answered by jaded 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Millions of people do it all over the world and it's not illegal, it is YOUR life and so you should do what suits you best, if your b/f is loving and supportive of you, and is helping you look after your child then what's wrong with that? We no longer live in the dark ages, people need to understand that marriage is not the be all and end all of life, and that love, fidelity and support and maturity and honesty are what matter in a relationship
2007-07-25 11:27:50 · answer #10 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋