here's the deal. i've been w/ my child's father very off and on for the past six years. we have both made some major mistakes and done some cruel things to one another. but dramatic life changes,soul searching,and major growth have changed both of us, seemingly for the better. we love our daughter and enjoy raising her together. she wants to see us together and we have talked about marriage but i haven't given him a concrete answer. because of our past issues neither of us fully has the support of our families/friends. does anyone here have any POSITIVE or encourage stories to share? this will help make my decision to be fully committed to this union. we do love one another in a way no one can seem to understand but im questioning if this bond is bc we share a child/are best friends or bc we really want to be together.
2007-07-24 16:23:28 · 10 answers · asked by the_kid_doesnt_care 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to commit to marriage only if you love him and want to spend the rest of your life together. Letting your daughter think one thing if you can't make it work is cruel. The fact that you both love your child and are willing to try is a good start. Just make sure you care about each other too, not just because of your daughter. Don't worry about your family and friends. When you marry and make it work and provide a good life and home for your child, you will win over the nonbelievers.
2007-07-24 16:30:20 · answer #1 · answered by eharrah1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I don't have a good story to share, but I'm sure there's plenty out there. You have to make this decision for yourself. It's definitely possible that you might just end up marrying him for your daughter. That's admirable, but could be a bad decision in the long run. Especially if you end up divorcing, and then your daughter will be put through more confusion. So sit down by yourself and think about how you truly feel about him. Think if you would marry him had there not been a baby girl involved. Good Luck with everything, I really hope you make the best decision for yourself.
2007-07-24 23:50:03 · answer #2 · answered by ♥KP♥MH♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have to come on Yahoo! Answers and ask a bunch of people you don't know, no. Your child will not benefit from a marriage that isn't fully wanted. However I do believe you should sit down and make a parenting plan on basically how to raise her. You can involve her too. Make a plan as to the rules, when she will see you and maybe even some day trips with the two of you.
I think you may be able to marry in time, but you need to give it a while to see how far these positive changes come. You also need to get married when YOU want to get married...not when the CHILD wants you to get married.
2007-07-24 23:33:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem with marriage nowadays is that it is mixed in with legality way too much now.
I say co-habitate as if you were married. If you want to be together than be together. Getting married only makes money for azzhole lawyers when things goes really south nowadays.
This may not be for you, but I had a friend who got married in out of the country in a tribal ritual. Neither of them bothered to validate it back in the states as a real marriage; it was enough of a ritual for them that they "felt" married. Legally they are not though, but it doesn't appear to matter to them.
Just a thought. Good luck to you.
2007-07-24 23:31:39 · answer #4 · answered by Avatar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
everyone makes mistakes... the important thing is that you learn from them and make smarter choices the next time around.
i had a similar problem, except that we were married, separated and then our families were hesitant when we got back together...
the truth is that the people who should matter the most, is you, your boyfriend, and your daughter...
who cares what anyone thinks?
you already have a lifetime bond, which is your daughter... if you love each other, then get married and have a happily ever after. your daughter deserves to have parents that Love her together. especially when they love each other.
as for your family, they will get over it, and learn to accept the relationship as they realize that you are both happy and in a healthy relationship... but most important that their grand daughter is happy.
2007-07-24 23:33:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would recommend that you get some "pre-marital counseling". This will help you explore the issues and gain some clarity on where you both are and if you are ready to take this step. If you can't afford a counselor, you can go to a church and get it for free. I think that you owe it to your daughter to at least try. She will be much better off in a 2 parent, loving home.
2007-07-25 01:01:18 · answer #6 · answered by Ukrgrl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have had serious issues before, and neither one of you has the support of your families, chances are your marriage will be a mistake.
As for your comment on how "no one can seem to understand your love for each other", it sounds like you are in a toxic relationship -but do not want to admit it. Sorry.
2007-07-24 23:30:18 · answer #7 · answered by Nena S 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
We all have issues, and faults. This is life. Do what you should have done six years ago. Give Marriage a chance and see what happens. Find a church home that meets your spiritual needs and May God bless you all.
2007-07-24 23:32:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you both have the childs intrest in you both i would say lay the past aside and get married and become the a family in my opion?
2007-07-24 23:33:54 · answer #9 · answered by the_silverfoxx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
only you can decide that sounds to me like you both are in it for better or worse but that is a question that only you can answer sorry i couldn't really help and good luck
2007-07-24 23:27:46 · answer #10 · answered by cool mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋