Should he get a mistress or girlfriend?

Question

I have a friend whose wife pushed him out of the house. He's living in an apartment. They have young kids together whom he visits whenever he can. He never cheated, makes lots of money, and provides for his family very well. Now she tells him to get someone - a mistress, girlfriend or lady friend. Should he do it? I don't get this woman. He's a nice charming man who'd be able to get a woman real easy. Does this sort of thing happen a lot in marriages? What's going on these days?

By the way, I found out about this situation when a bunch of coworkers went out for a few drinks and he confided in us. (it was more the liquor talking) And no, I'm not attracted to him and he knows this so he's not trying to make a play for me or any woman he knows. I just feel bad for the guy. I think the wife wants to stay with him because of social status. She'd have to leave the social circle if she left him because he's more of a "center of influence" for their friends business-wise.

Answer 1

Sounds like an arrangement from the past. A wife doesn't want to have sex anymore so to take the pressure off herself she tells him to look elsewhere.
I don't know how common it is, but some women who don't want to have sex with their husband (for whatever reason) tells him to seek another woman to give him what she should be 'giving' him. She wants him in her life as a provider and a father for her children but she just doesn't 'WANT HIM'.
It is a two pronged fork. She is trying to tell him that she can still have a relationship with him without sex, and she is trying to give him the freedom to satisfy a very important part of any adult relationship (especially marriage) somewhere else. But if he does fall into his trap and does as she suggests then BEWARE! The next step is divorce because what he will hear next is,' what kind of man would do that!'. He can't win!
Truly, if she doesn't want him in an intimate way then she doesn't want him. She should at least try to work through some of the issues they have sexually first before he has someone else take care of him! They need to see a therapist together, not him see a mistress!
He needs to give her a deadline. Either she decides if she will be with him sexually, or she doesn't be with him at all!

He owes it to himself. If he doesn't respect himself then he cannot expect anyone else to either!

Answer 2

Or maybe he told you all that so he could.... be with you and others... at his pleasure... All the charmers have some lie to tell. How do you know he never cheated? He told you right? A lot of the "He'd be able to get a woman real easy" guys do just that.
On the flip side, if he's truthful, then he should still get a divorce first. (And remarried.) It is never ok to cheat. And -- as long as he is legally married, in God's eyes, it is cheating, no matter what his wife says. If he's such a nice and charming guy, he'll be aware of that.

Answer 3

No, he should not get a girlfriend. His wife is apparently steering things towards a divorce. A girlfriend can work against him in divorce proceedings. He will lose even more than he stands to lose already if she can prove infidelity in court.
He should go ahead and get a divorce and use his wife's insistance the he have an affair against her in court to ease the financial burden he is sure to suffer as a result of divorce. He can already be accused of abondonment because he moved out.
Your friend needs a lawyer and should get the divorce wheels turning.
Sad story, but from what you say, that's the direction he's headed.
It does not happen a lot. There are millions of happy, wholesome, fufilling marraiges. Maybe it's not too late for your friend to find happiness. Sadly, it doesn't appear to be likely with the mother of his children.
Peace.

Answer 4

Sounds like the wife is trying to set him up for a bigger paycheck with the divorce. No he should not get a mistress/girlfriend or do anything that is suggestive of such. What he need to do is get a good attorney and divorce her. If she doesn't want to be his wife then there is no reason she should benefit from his social status.

Answer 5

Umm no, this is not common in a marriage for a women to tell her husband to "get a girlfriend". If their marriage is at the point that one needs to cheat or "allow" someone to cheat, more needs to be done than "getting a girlfriend".
I have a personal question for you, though. Are you the one your "friend" is planning on using for a "girlfriend"? He could be lying to you about his situation. No one really knows a marriage except the two people in it. There are two sides to every story. I would suggest you wait it they become divorced before you get involved. You could be putting yourself in a very messy situation.

Answer 6

he's a married man, and regardless of what she says, he should not get a girlfriend, mistress or any woman for that matter.
has he ever considered that his wife might want him to get a girlfriend so that she can say he's cheating and take him to court and take him for everything he's worth?? and keep him from seeing his children??
he should think about that. she could be setting him up for all he knows! it happens.

Answer 7

If I were him, I wouldn't do that. It might be some kind of set up to catch him cheating or something. What kind of a woman would want her husband to have someone else?

Answer 8

He should get an attorney and file for divorce. If he gets a mistress or girlfriend, she will most definitely use this as grounds to divorce him and make him pay.

Answer 9

Honestly I have no clue. Sometimes there is more there than what outsiders see...sometime one partner is just narcissistic.

I don't think he should. It sounds like something she could later use against him in court. Unless of course he can prove she told him, like a signed letter or soemthing. If its through email make sure he saves it.

Answer 10

They are separated but it doesn't mean their marriage is over. They need some space to figure out some things. Hopefully they can work it out for the kids sake.