How do you forgive?

Question

How do you forgive someone because you want to, but you just can't seem to do it and let go of what that person did to you? I keep on hearing that in order to be a better person, you have to forgive those who have hurt you. I want to do this, but I'm having a hard time.

Answer 1

I think before you can forgive, you have to let yourself be angry and/or grieve first. From the context of the question, I'm not sure which is appropriate here, but you definitely have to go through the entire process to get to true forgiveness. If you try to skip this step and try to go directly to the forgiveness part, you're just going to feel cheated, and that's probably why you're having a hard time forgiving.

So, let yourself be angry at the person who hurt you. It's OK to be angry if they hurt you, even if they did it unintentionally. When that feeling's worked itself out, you'll probably be sad, too, because you feel betrayed. Let that feeling work itself out. It can take time, and that's OK. If you're spiritual, it's a good time to pray or meditate or use that to reflect, too.

Once you've done all that, usually forgiveness will come more easily. You'll find that you may actually want to forgive, in fact, because you just want to move on.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I don't know the details of what the person did to you, but if Jesus could forgive us for all our sins, you certainly can forgive one person. I know it isn't easy, but harboring resentment and hatred is bad for your health and well being. You can forgive, but that doesn't mean that you have to have further contact with this person. If you can't do it for him or her, then just do it for yourself. That will make it seem less like you're putting yourself out. Try it and see if it doesn't work. You'll feel a lot better, as though a weight has been lifted from you. Good luck!

Answer 3

Actually, being a better person is not the most valid reason for forgiveness....
As long as you have NOT forgiven the person, you still have a connection to them. You are tied by hate.
The opposite of love is not hate....It is indifference. In order to move on with your life, you need to forgive so that you can become completely indifferent to them. They will no longer be an influence in your life.
Let go.....
Breathe again....Live again, on your own terms.
I understand this is a process. Sometimes it takes a long, long time, but it is in YOUR best interests to forgive. The acid eats up the bottle....
(Forgiving them does not mean that you will let them do it to you again....remember that!!)
You have learned who you are dealing with and now can move on. I like to think of that type of person as an alligator. They are dangerous and you should not go near them, but you can forgive them for being what they are. They are alligators and you really don't want one of those in your livingroom now do you? But they are what they are. It is not your problem anymore.

Answer 4

Do it for yourself.

It sounds selfish, but it works, and, it allows you to begin the journey that is true forgiveness.

One of the best ways to forgive someone who has wronged you is to focus on you and not that other person.

Just try this little exercise:

Let yourself just feel forgiveness, it doesn't have to be directed toward anyone who has hurt you, not just yet anyway.
As you are allowing yourself to feel this forgiveness, also realize and visualize all the negative emotions that you are NOT feeling because they have been replaced by forgiveness. That is the whole idea of this exercise. Forgiveness allows your body to heal, while negative emotions, such as anger, hatred, fear, regret, grief, etc...can eat away at you, overwhelm you, and can actually cause great harm to your mind and body if left unchecked. If you allow yourself to be consumed by these negative emotions, it is well documented that you can give yourself ulcers, heart problems, high blood pressure, depression, breathing problems, sleeping problems, etc...In other words, you can make yourself sick.

Now on the other hand, if you let the feeling of forgiveness and pity and compassion overwhelm you, you will find that you have no room in your mind or body for negative emotions that can literally make you sick.

And now, once you have let forgiveness in, and started to give forgivesness a chance, you are ready for the next step, and that is realizing how much better it is to choose forgiveness instead of hatred towards any who have hurt you.

Ultimately, by being able to say to that person, that you forgive them, that you feel forgiveness and pity and compassion towards them, what you are also really saying is that you are not letting them win. You are not letting their actions towards you or your loved ones hurt you (hurt your feelings, rent space in your mind, make you depressed or full of feelings of rage or revenge, etc...)

You are also saying that, "You are the one who is empowered, you have faced your emotions and all that is left is forgiveness. And now you are the one who is ready to face everything and is ready to deal with the situation appropriately, depending on the severity of the wrongful actions taken against you."

Oh yes!!! Just because you have forgiven, doesn't mean that you should have to completely forget. Not yet anyway. There's now some business to take care of, yes? Just because you have forgiven, does not mean that gives the person that hurt you a license to continue hurting you or others. If that were true, then all the good people of the world would eventually disappear or become subject to those who go around hurting others, right? Because you have forgiven, you are now ready to take the appropriate action as revealed by our society or by the law against those that have harmed you. Just because you have forgiven, does not and should not make you a weak person.

Another thing forgiveness allows you to do is avoid being reduced to the level of someone who has hurt you - especially if they have hurt you deliberately. Forgiveness allows you to rise above.

Forgiveness also gives you your life back. You can eventually put any negative incident behind you and get on with your life, and not allow the hurt to rule your life.

So, just meditate on these things awhile and just give forgiveness a chance. You may find that forgiveness is the better way to go.

I wish there were a simpler way to explain it, but as said in the beginning, just do it for yourself, to begin with anyway. It's worked for me on several occasions, and everytime I see this question in Yahoo! answers, my answer is the same. Let forgiveness release you from having to spend all that time hating someone else. Perhaps, that is part of what forgiveness is there for.


Good luck, and I hope everything turns out alright.

Answer 5

First of all you see that they must be hurting themselves and have not learned the lesson of not wanting others to feel the pain that they have also experienced. We have compassion for them knowing they are conditioned souls what suffering they must have been through to become that way. Take pity on them. We don't condone their actions at all. Then in your heart and with your highest self or pure soul, talk to their soul. (Their higher self who is all loving and tell them how you feel how it really hut you what they did, then tell them that you forgive them in your mind and heart. really embrace them in your mind (forgetting their conditioned self just embrace their pure self and let all the bad stuff go. Then imagine what their pure soul would say to you. (Like I am sorry I did that to you I must have been a fool or and idiot to do such a thing. Then embrace again feeling forgiveness (no emotional pain) Give it all to God and be free see them free as well. Then you will be amazed how you feel. When you see them try to remember this apology as if they truly did it, and don't harbor resentment. It really works. You can also read the Book the Journey by Brandon Bays tells step by step how to forgive. Also Read Bhagavad Gita as it is By Bhaktivedanta Prabhupadal- tells the science of the soul and the purpose of life. It is a book full of universal truths. asitis.com you can read it on line. works for me.

Answer 6

You may just not be ready to forgive. Don't force it, you can't just say you forgive someone and feel better, if you do that you may actually feel worse and unsatisfied. It will come naturally when you are truly ready to move on, which may be weeks, months, or even years from now.

Answer 7

I had the same problem. I was told by a very wise person, to say: " I forgive every person who has ever hurt me". You can name their names, I did not feel it in my heart either, but I kept saying it daily and eventually I was able to let it go. Try it. Good Luck.

Answer 8

Time makes all the difference.

My boyfriend let me walk home one night at midnight by myself after we got into a fight at a party. I was SO mad. It took me about a month to get over it. Once I decided I would forgive him I tried not to let that incident influence how I acted toward him. I tried to remember all the great things that he did for me instead. As you can see I forgave him, but I never forgot...and that is ok.

Answer 9

hard to answer.....
most people will say what you want to hear...to get the points...
but,,, karma will get evgeryone... sooner or later..
So try not to worry about their destiny. You can still be mad at someone and not show that person that you are, right?
Play smart.
I've seen every person get hurt after they hurt me...Believe in this world...

Answer 10

Why should you forgive.. if someone is vicious they dont deserve it let them go through the rest of their ******* lives knowing what an A hole they were to you and that you dont have put up with it. carry it on your shoulder to remind yourself never to let the bastds get you down!