I Don't like the way I've been treating my husband lately Help!!!!?

Question

I dont want him to talk to me, or tuch me, or anything. Everything he does drives me nuts, and we have only been married for 4 months, The trouble started when I had to work more Hrs. and I asked him to help with the house work and he tried but ended up screwing it up and I had more work then help. I also asked if he could help with the dishes how hard is that. I feel like i married an idot. Help me try to understand why men can't do anything right. or at least men explain to me why you don't know or want to do the things we ask. please my marrige is at stake.

OK maby I did not put all the details dont judge me harsh but 1/2 the time I ask him to Help he complains gets mad at me then leaves it for me to finnish and if he does do it it is 1/2 done I have lowered my standered on cleaning I even let his own cats litter box go a week without cleaning it. he just leaves it for me to do and its his cat. he did it before were together right now why the change?

Answer 1

I know what you are going through I have been married almost two years and my husbands expects me to do EVERYTHING. I have to beg him to take the trash out and most of the time I just end up doing it myself because it sits there for like two days. Or if I ask him for help with chores he bitches and whines like a little kid. Well in my husbands case I think the problem is that his whole life his mom did everything for him basically until he was 25 and we got married so its all he knows I guess. I just took his moms job. The way I deal with it is every now and then I just stop doing the housework and when the house gets dirty enough he wakes up and remembers to clean it. I do that every couple of months just to remind him and keep him on his toes about it.

Answer 2

I am so tired of this. My mother taught me all aspects of housework. When I was tall enough to reach the sink I washed dishes, tall enough to reach the stovetops I was cooking, tall enough to reach above the ironing board I was ironing clothes. When I could carry a grocery bag I did the shopping. When I could fill the washer and dryer I did the clothes. Cleaning the house didn't require much except watch and learn. Which is what I recommend you use concerning your husband. Since you want it done and done right, and he obviously was never taught, then instead of just telling him to do it you should actually instruct him. Just as you would have to do if he was a new employee learning a job. This might take a little time and effort at first on your part, but it won't be more than you'd have to do on your own. And once he has learned, then you won't have to expend any more energy into it.

And why this stuff never comes up before the marriage is beyond me. How hard is it to find out this stuff about each other beforehand?

Answer 3

First... if you want him to do things around the house, and you want him to do things "right" aka YOUR way, youhave to explain to him how you would like those things done. He can't read your mind and know how you want things done if you don't tell him. Be grateful that he tried. He didn't screw up b/c he did do the things that you asked of him, he just didn't do them your way,

Second, you need to take a few mins. everyday to yourself to chill, relax, unwind, whatever after work. You sound stressed and you just need some you time after work. I don't mean all night or anything, just a quick soak in the bath, a chapter out of a good book, something that you enjoy doing by yourself for just a few mins, to unwind, then spend some time with the man that you just married and love.

Third, thefirst year of marriage for a lot of people is hard. You are merging 2 lives into one. And I mean that in all aspects. You, of course, are still your own two people but you are married now and you are probably still learning each other and habits and likes and dislikes. Just take things day by day, don't forget to communicate, it's time to through worrying about hurting the others feelings or being PC out the window and be completly honest with each other. This is the man that you pledged the rest of your live to and he to you, it's time to play big kids and get to the root of your problems.

Just read your addition, again with communication, and you are right if he cleaned the litter box before he should keep doing it, but it's both of y'alls cat now, not just his. "Community property came when you signed the marriage license, but he should really help out and not make you be the maid, cause he married a woman that he loves, not the maid

Good luck

Answer 4

after reading some of the answers left on here I feel the only advice I can give is to talk to him tell him or even show him how you do things and explain why you do it that way many men grew up with the way their mother showed them how to do ti and out of that habit is used to doing it. Changing the litter box is an intersting thing though for I think he should not have stopped doing that and you do it just because you got married. Marriage is alot about communication and if you trying to show him something, and he does not want to listen then it seems something is not right on his part. Wish you the best of luck

Answer 5

What a loaded question....Well, there are many things at play here. First is that newly-weds have an adjustment period. YOU WILL GET ON EACH OTHER'S NERVES DURING THIS TIME. Give it some time for both of you to get used to each other. Second is: (Sorry guys) Most women feel the housework the guys do is never good enough. Us women have to learn to accept what they can give us. Most men are limited in those talents.....They have other talents. Be patient. Third, after the first year of marriage, things should start to ease up. Fourth, you are treating him that way b/c you are FRUSTRATED. It's good that you are reaching out to get help. This is a good start and at least you are aware. BE PATIENT, BE PATIENT...Marriage is hard work, girl. But it is also beautiful....
Hang tough.

Answer 6

Rather than calling your husband an idiot and assuming that he is wrong and you are right, you need to step back and calm down. Your mean attitude may ruin your young marriage, so I suggest you figure out what the real problem is. Are you agitated because of the extra hours? Do you feel as if you are not being supported? Do you feel as if your husband doesn't understand you? Maybe now is the time to practice communicating. Tell him how you feel and what you need. Don't pass judgement or insult him. Often we can resolve many relationship problems if we figure out what we need and learn to ask our partner to help us attain that need. HOWEVER, there is a fine line. No person can make us happy. We can only do that for ourselves. So, you have to evaluate why you are unhappy and figure out a way to bring yourself some peace on your own terms.

Answer 7

Married life needs getting used to. Nothing is going to change just because you shout at each other!
You're only going to make both of you very miserable.
Surely there's a reason you got married in the first place?
Why not sit down both of you, and talk about it?
Talk about what you expect from this marriage.
How you can make it work.
Decide together what you can do to make your house pleasant and also enjoy each other company?
I think that it'd be best to right those things down on paper.
Not like in a letter, but rather in bullet points.
Example:
Here is what you do and which drives me mad.
Here is what you do that makes me happy.
Here is what I'd like you to do more.
And then exchange those pieces of paper, and talk calmly about it.
Don't throw them away. sometimes it's good to remember things.
And to show that you want to start afresh, how about a nice and romantic dinner at a restaurant to unwind?
Good luck.xxx

Answer 8

I think it takes time to get used to being married and accepting your choice. Married is a big deal and it feels very final (even if it isnt)

I was the same, i think i dreamed of the fairytale wedding (which i got) and thought we would live happily ever after......but thats not realistic.
Marriages, like all commitments, need maintaining, that means you both have to keep making an effort, its easily to begrudge that effort and think 'i married him what more does he want!'
You also feel obliged to be happy and in love because its the Honeymoon period and its expected. But its easier said than done if you feel the marriage is one big anti-climax.

But you know you arent being nice, and you know he doesnt deserve the way you are treating him and its not bringing out the best in you either!
The best advice i got was to sit and think about the options, what would life be like without him? Does he love you and do you need that love? How would you feel if he went? etc...
Once you can answer all the questions honestly you will know what to do.

Personally after doing that i just thanked my lucky stars!

Answer 9

Ask yourself one question " Are you regretting marrying him ? ", I believe the major cause of your problem is that so many women spend such a long time planning their " fairytale wedding " placing all the emphasis on the ceremony and not the marriage. Once the ceremony is over they don't have anything left. You need to wake up and concentrate all your energies on your marriage - does it really matter who washes the dishes ? I am sure if you start to chill out and stop nagging that in time your new husband will be quite pleased to help. It very much sounds that your marriage is the anti climax after the ceremony.

Answer 10

Since you recognize that it is not the way you want to be talking to your new husband, that is a very good start. Now, I would suggest that you sit down and have a quiet moment to yourself and remember why you fell in love with him. Then, decide what it is that you really want to say to him about this situation. Then, ask him to take time to sit down with you to discuss the situation. Before you begin, remind yourself how much you love him and why, then coming from that loving place share your feelings in the same way. Also, you need to listen to his feelings about this situation, you may be quite surprised that he is frustrated, too! Then come to a compromise that will work for both of you. There may be adjustments that you two may have to make as you try these compromises out. There will be many more times to go through this process throughout your marriage. Just remember to go back to why you fell in love....and you will speak and act from a loving place. Bless you, both on your lives together.