I'm getting married and and am scared. It seems like all info about marriages out there is negative?

Question

Please give me some advice on having a good and lasting marriage.

Thank you! Your answers confirm that God will guide us every step of the way!

I can not believe this. Your answers are making me cry:) I thank each and every one of you who took the time to answer my question and calm down my fears. I thank God for you. May all your relationships be blessed as well. Thank you.

Answer 1

I think that most people get a little afraid before the wedding. But if you have that gut feeling listen to it. A little jittery or being stressed is different from having a deep down gut feeling that this isn't the one.
If you go through with it, here are a few things I've learned:
Never criticize him/her in public, and never to your in-laws!!
Never make your spouse feel small. (If they cheat--you are excused, they are small.)
There are ways to get your way without tantrums and arguements. Figure out how to let them come up with your idea, and think it is their own. Works better than fighting. For instance, a person I know didn't want to buy the car that her husband thought was a great one. So, she -- having voiced her opinon about the car earlier -- mentioned the fact that one of the reasons she had married him, was his sense of good business. The compliment went to his ego in minutes, changing his mind much faster than pushing would have in weeks. They didn't buy that car.
If you have an arguement, and may they be few - never do it in public, and especially not in front of the kids. And-- never do it without holding hands.
Never stop dating, having fun or laughing together.
Never stop taking care of yourself, taking time to be the person that the spouse fell in love with, and by staying or getting fit, keep their attention on you.
Never stop improving yourself, by this I mean learning new things, conquering new frontiers. Like learning to dance, or play the piano, or something you're interested in.
Never be a door mat.
Never ignore your gut.
Never be the one who always has to be right. If a person is wrong, you don't have to prove it to them, they will figure it out on their own.
Never miss a chance to build them up, give a compliment, be kind, or treat them even, if it is a flower from the yard, or a foot massage. You never know how long you have to love, so do it right while you have it.
Never do anything that you will regret later. Live each day the best you can. You will make mistakes, and be sorry that you did, but you won't have to really regret them, because in that moment, you gave it all you had.
Never stop praying together, because when you stand before God and all your friends and make that covenant, remember, that God says that He was a witness to the marriage.... Read Malachi 2:13 and 14. That will explain it. Talks about God not hearing prayers, because the guy had broken the covenant with his wife, and God was a bit ticked, I guess. Always remember that the other is the child of God Almighty, and treat them as you would if He were physically standing there.
May God bless your marriage, and may it be a long and very happy one.

Answer 2

The first think is to marry the right person for you.

You have to listen to one another. If your spouse has a problem, then it's your problem. You are no longer alone; you're part of a team now. You have to approach all problems as a team.

It's easy to stay tight when things are going well. But when times are tight, money is short, and one (or both) of you is sick or in trouble, that's when the strength of your relationship is brought out.

Give your spouse their own cup and spoon, if you get my meaning. They are still an individual and need their own space.

Work is a good thing, but the marriage supersedes everything else. Don't let work consume you--always make time for family time and keep that time sacred.

Never insult them under any circumstances. Teasing is okay as long as it doesn't turn mean.

When you have a conflict, attack the problem and not each other. When it's resolved, both of you apologize with sincerity and humility. If it can't be resolved, put it aside for a while until the dust settles--never try and solve a conflict when one or both of you is cranky.

Always make time for the marriage, even if you have kids. You're still husband and wife, not just parents. Continue to date and have fun together. Compliment each other's work, dress, accomplishments. Support each other when you're down. The courtship must never end.

Always, ALWAYS! Treat each other with respect, dignity and humor.

Say "I Love You Baby!" every day.

Answer 3

First - remember that there are 2 individuals going into a marriage. You each had (have) a life separate from each other. Do you intend to give up those lives (friends etc) just because you're married? If not, be sure you both agree that you will have time when you can go out as individuals. My hubby goes out with "the guys" a few times a month. He's still married to me, we're happy together, but he needs his "guy time". I have time with my lady friends a couple times a month as well. We've kept our individual lives as a part of our relationship. Sometimes all of us will get together for a party. We all know and respect each other.

Marriage is a work in progress - as long as you both work at your marriage, it will continue to progress forward.
You each have goals - be sure to work towards common or shared goals so that you are working together. If you have very different goals, find a compromise.
Love, trust, patience, understanding, faith, loyalty, fidelity - all these things mean something, but what do they mean to you as a couple?
My husband and I have very different ideas of marriage than our friends do. We feel we are sharing our lives, but that we should not be made to give up what we had before. We don't feel it should be "just us" all the time. We have friends we like to go out with on occasion. We don't think we have to have the same interest in all we do - for instance, he's a "gamer" and I have absolutely no interest in that at all.
Talk about your ideas and goals for your marriage - once you know what they are, work together to move forward from there.

Above all - this is your marriage. Do Not let others tell you what you should or shouldn't be doing. It's not their marriage, it's yours, and every marriage is very different - no matter how similar the couples may think they are.

Answer 4

Everything negative you here comes from those who have or are failing in their marriage experience.

The person you want to marry must first be your best friend. When a disagreement occurs (commonly called a "fight"), both of you must be willing to step back, listen very closely to the others point of view, and be absolutely willing to step down and say, "Your point makes better sense. You are right." Both must be willing to step back and say, "I'm sorry."

If you truly love this person, and love being with this person 24/7, there's nothing to be scared of.

But, check your priorities in life first. What do YOU want to accomplish before you turn 30? Do YOU want to complete college and get a degree with a good paying job? Or, will a marriage change all of that, leaving you high and dry with only a high school degree? If that is all you want, then no worries.

Whether you are a man or a woman...learn how to cook. Get a "beginners" cook book and start making meals on your own. Be willing to take turns doing the dishes or cleaning the house - without being asked.

Go to the gym and work out often. Do your best not to get lazy and get over weigth. Stay in shape for YOU and your life-long mate.

Have sex even when you when you are not in the mood. Once a week is not nearly enough for man or woman.

My wife and I celebrate 20 years of marriage tomorrow!

Good luck with your life-long decision!

Answer 5

What are you so scared of, if you love the person you are about to married, that's all that matter. If you are having second thoughts then get a marriage counselor..Better yet how about this, deal with the positive people who is happy for you and leave the negative people along, I'm happy for you and don't even know you...Good luck and may GOD bless you and your mate.

Answer 6

How long have you been together, how old are you, have you discussed how each of you views your future careers, goals, children and if so how many, religious attitudes? Have you been able to openly and honestly communicate with each other about everything? If you haven't met and confirmed any of these requirements, you aren't marrying the right person. When you plan appropriately, no matter what you are doing, your chances of being successful are always better. When you decide to marry only because you love someone at this time and place, not so good.

Answer 7

Take time to laugh together as often as possible.

Don't let a day go by without expressing your love for one another, whether in words, physically, or by loving acts.

Listen to your partner - and I mean really listen. Speak clearly, and choose your words carefully. True communication takes effort on both sides, but is essential for a good marriage.

Find activities you enjoy doing together. Making time to go dancing, take a cooking class together, work in the garden, or even just watch your favorite television show together every week builds intimacy.

Don't get hung up on statistics. You are not a statistic. You are a person. Your marriage is not a statistic, but a vital, ever-changing relationship. Concentrate on keeping it strong, and don't worry about the fact that others have failed. Spend your time and energy on succeeding.

Answer 8

dont be scared as marriage is a wonderful thing. I am married and i love it. some days though will be hard, but just hang in there as it will all work out. just communicate about things. be best friends besides mates. a good marriage has loyalty, good communication, being there for each other through good and bad days. no cheating on each other. I wish you all the best. don't listen to the negative , as i have been married now 15 yrs and its great. I wouldnt want to be single again. its wonderful knowing he is there for you, and when your sick he brings you soup and tea, etc. these little things count. tell him you love him. those words mean alot. do little things for him.also trust each other. thats so important.

Answer 9

Its not all negative, you only hear about the stuff that doesn't work! When marriages are successful, you only hear about them when their silver, gold and diamond anniversary parties are reported... As many couples make it as don't but you never hear that 50% make it - just that 50% don't... Good luck to you. Don't let the glass half empty people rain on your parade. Just make sure you are sincere when you take those vows and work to keep them every day and you'll have joy beyond anything you can imagine.

Answer 10

If you understand that it will take work and commitment to have a good and lasting marriage then you will be just fine. People come on here and complain because they are shocked that their spouse is not who they want them to be but no one seems to notice that they're screwed up too. None of us are perfect. We need to be honest with ourselves and our spouses. The key in my marriage seems to be sort of a you scratch my back I scratch yours approach. It may not be right for everyone but it works for us. I ask my dh how he wants to be treated and tell him how I want to be treated. Then I do my very best to treat him the way he asks and lo and behold he does the same for me. It's really hard to stay mad at someone who is trying so hard to please you. And is long as we both do our part we both feel spoiled rotten and happy.