My heart is breaking?

Question

I talked to my wife (who has been in germany for the last 5 weeks) today, and she told me she was going for a job interview.
She didn't come right out and say it, but to me she was saying she was staying there (why else would she be interviewing)
She is supposed to come back next week. She was mad at me for not supporting her in this decision, and told me should would never have a career in the USA. (we are still going through paperwork for her citizenship).
What am I supposed to do? Long term relationships where you can't see eventually being together don't last. I know women get lonely, and she'll find someone else, thats just the way people are.
She is the nice girl, I always looked for.
What should I do, i am heartbroken?

I looked into moving there before. German companies like to hire Germans, I'd be lucky to be a dishwasher. No woamn would stick with a guy that can't even support herself.

Answer 1

Sorry, but do you think she is looking at it a little different than you? Maybe she thinks getting a job will help take her mind off of the problems right now. Don't give up as long as there is hope and she didn't come right out and say she didn't want to be here with you. Don't give her permission to be with someone else by saying women get lonely, because that goes both ways, but be strong and full of hope each time you speak to her.

Answer 2

I notice a lot of answerers are just saying 'you should move there'. Which even it were a workable solution really solves nothing at all. Because the real problem as I see it isn't just that you guys are apart (which is difficult but workable) but that she is saying loud and clear by her actions that she cares far more about her career than she does about her husband. She's not even trying to stay for the job she already has there because she loves it, but she's actually *applying for a new job* so that she can stay there. She doesn't even know if she'll like this new job or if she'll get it, but something as casual and unknown as that takes precedent over the man she covenanted herself to in marriage. That's a huge red flag!

You have my greatest sympathies my friend, I completely understand why your heart is breaking.

I know it won't be easy but try to look at this situation objectively because it may be a blessing in disguise. A woman who will treat your feelings with such casual disdain and derision (the nerve of her getting angry with you for 'not supporting her' when the reality is that she is actively taking steps to abandon your marriage) will likely only treat you worse as time goes on. Do you really want to be sucked into a marriage where everything is about her and your needs/feelings/opinions/personality is neither wanted nor even tolerated? You deserve better my friend.

This will be a very painful decision for you to make, but I think she's giving you very clear warning of who she is as a person and how little she thinks of you, or her committment to you.
Better for you to learn this now and make a painful but relatively uncomplicated break from her than to endure years of misery and mistreatment (and possibly have children and raise them in a loveless marriage).

Good luck bro.

Answer 3

...and what keeps you here?! why aren't you flying to be with her? you don't say how old are you but I can guess you are very young, so you have all your life ahead of you, you could go where she is, talk to her and decide as a couple what it is best for both of you. Don't let the love of your life pass you by, join her and try to find a solution, besides you'll enjoy the trip to Germany.

Answer 4

Sorry Buddy, sounds like this honeymoon is over. Just in case though why don't you come out and ask her. No use beating around the bush. Either she'll put your mind at ease or you'll have a definite " it's truly over". Keep the faith.

Answer 5

Either you go to Germany and support her dreams or you stay here and make it work or divorce.

It is a tough situation. I am so sorry.

Heartbreaks do heal, but it takes time. Good luck and God bless you in whatever decision you make.

Answer 6

why don't u move with her and u guys can start new jobs and at the same time u guys will be together??? if u move there and be with her then she won't have to find anyone else because she will have her husband there with her. if it is worth it and u guys love eachother then u guys will find a way to get through this. good luck!

Answer 7

If this is the woman you want as a life partner. Then your going to have to decide. If being with her is more important to you than having a good job.

Answer 8

I like the question. it sounds like a Title of a song.

ouch! about your personal problem i say give more like 3 more weeks, don't go into any conclusions yet.
who knows, she might want to work online for the company she's interviewing for.
Give it time.

Answer 9

Germans are just like that. I don't understand. MY cousin's wife went to "visit" with their 5 yr old son. She called and said in so many words that it wasn't a visit, she was staying and if he wanted to see his son again, he would have to move there. So he did...only to divorce a couple of yrs later...and lose his son, who was born in germany. They are just rude.

Answer 10

Sorry, it looks like you are loosing the girl you thought was the love of your life. Remember this, for those that trust the Lord, he will get you something better...patience. It sounds like she only is thinking of herself anyway.