do you like my poem?

Question

If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you
and share with you its beauty
On the days you're feeling blue.

If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own;
A place to find serenity,
A place to be alone.

If I could take your troubles
I would toss them in the sea,
But all these things I'm finding
are impossible for me.

I cannot build a mountain
Or catch a rainbow fair,
But let me be what I know best,
A friend who's always there.

I've written many more that i'm going to put up here, so when you answer please tell me which one your talking about.

If it were all up to me

If it were all up to me
The poor would have riches
And the blind man would see
The hungry would eat
And the weak would be strong
And the people who hatred would all get along.
The ones who were greedy would start to share
And the unfriendly would start to care.
The thirsty would drink
And the deaf person would hear
All the sadness and sorrow would just all disappear
And that is how the world would be,
If it were all up to me.








When…

When you are sad I will dry you tears,
When you are scared I will ease your fears.

When you are worried I will give you hope,
If you want to give up I’ll help you cope.

When you’re lost and can’t see the light,
I’ll become your candle shining so bright.

This is my oath that I pledge to the end,
Why you may ask?

Because you’re my dear friend.

My Love

My love has been with me forever in my heart,
They may not have always loved me but I’ve loved them
We knew each other for awhile without a great start
But the one I’ve loved has been with me…
Forever and always in my heart.



Behind those hazel eyes

Behind those hazel eyes
Was a beautiful, kind face
When he looked at me
All I saw were those hazel eyes.

I loved those eyes with all my heart
Even though sometimes I didn’t know
Ohhh! I loved him so!

Sometimes I never knew if those eyes knew me
Even though those eyes would only see.
I loved those eyes with all my heart.
Behind those beautiful, kind hazel eyes.


My secret love

I have a secret love,
He is like a gift form above.
My secret love,
Is as beautiful as a dove.

I love my secret love so!
I just hope nobody knows!
One day we shall meet together,
With our love strong, forever!

In someone’s eyes

In someone’s eyes we are seen as unloved
In someone else’s we are seen as unwanted.
We are sometimes loved and sometimes hated
But in the one we love most we are beautiful.

In my heart

Jesus has always been in my heart,
Even from the very start.
When I make a big mistake,
It’s like a huge dart in his heart.

He will always forgive me,
Even if my mistake is big.
He will always love us if,
We ask him for forgiveness.

Even when we sin, even when we cry,
He will always forgive us if we try.
We shall all love him so,
Because he is the only one who knows.

I hope and pray that when it comes to my day,
That I’ll live with him in heaven is what he will say.
As you know he died on that cross for us,
So loving him with all your heart is a must.

Jesus loves us so!
Live your life, live for him.
And when it’s your day to go,
Your life with him will begin.

I love you

Right now, this very second
I’ve realized something – I love you.
Maybe not in ten years, not yesterday – Now!
We might fight; we might hate, but please love me too.

God’s tears of love

The rain is a gift from above,
The rain is god’s tears, god’s tears of love.

When these tear drops gently fall,
We begin to have a ball.

God’s tears of love – not tears of hate,
When they fall upon us they make us appreciate.

The tears make us realize,
Who and what we live for.

We live for god,
And no one else.

We haven’t met yet…

We haven’t met yet…
Even though you are always with me.
I can’t see you yet,
But me is what you can see.

I don’t want to see you just yet,
You’re the only one who knows when I can see!
We haven’t met yet…
Even though you’re always with me.

I will always love you

I will always love you,
No matter where you may be.
Just because we aren’t together, doesn’t mean you can’t love me too.
I hope you can understand where ever you may be.

Answer 1

I enjoyed it very much.In my opinion and only my opinion,it's very good.

Answer 2

Your first poem was actually pretty good...the rest were less so.

However, Margot has a point...and here's a few more:
When you submit a number of poems simultaneously, you do both the reader and yourself a great disservice. Why? Because when we go to answer a question, we only see a portion of what you wrote, so unless we print out your poems (just won't happen) or make notes on a scrap of paper, we're not going to remember everything about all the poems...if we even take the time to read so many all at once. Secondly, because we may not read all your poems, you miss out on feedback that might have been helpful on each poem. Rather than spend a half hour in critique of all of your poems, most will either bypass your question, make a fluff statement like "keep up the good work, you're a genius", or only give you a few general comments. If you look down the list of replies you'll see what I mean. I took the time to read all your poems, but my comments on the ones after the first poem would have been too numerous to include here, so I simply chose to say they were not as good...in some cases, they are very weak and cliche.

So, do yourself a big favor and submit one, maybe two if they're short, poems at a time. Let us read it/them, picture them in our minds and then comment on them. That way you'll get more feedback and more people will take the time to respond. You are, after all, only one of many who ask questions and request reviews of your poetry, and there is just so much time we can take. I'm spending as much time as I am on this reply because I think your first poem shows you have promise as a poet, and as a new poster to YA, you need to hear some advice on "how" to post your work to get the maximum from your posts.

As far as the poems themselves: try to stay away from cliches, rhymed couplets, sing-song verse, etc. We all look forward to future posts from you, just keep them down to a poem or two at a time...there is plenty of time to post all your work, just don't put them all on one question and expect to get real comments on each one.

keep writing, you're not a bad poet, just anxious :)

Answer 3

The first one i the most gripping...the first stanza has a hint of innocence and almost a child's dream quality...you know the whole rainbow theme in nurseries and pre-school classrooms...the second stanza about the mountain is so...lovely...words can't describe...all i have to say is ... the third stanza is very idealistic and being able to surrender to your short comings kind of connects with the atmosphere of the mountain and being alone on it. Joining all the stanza's together into the fourth stanza is masterful...and although the last line still sounds a bit cheesy...it fits in perfectly...like a jig saw puzzle (excuse the cliche)...

Answer 4

OK. You're going to hate me. There is an etiquette that goes with this site...any site like this worth its salt. It's sort of unspoken but most people just seem to go with the flow.

Contribute opinions before you post your own stuff. And when you post your own stuff, one or two will do....for several days. More than that is kind of excessive.

OK, I know, thumbs down. Fine. Have at it.

Answer 5

"But let me be what I know best, a friend whos always there". I think its a lovely poem. I read a lot and I've never heard this put quite this way. I totally enjoyed it. In my opinion, it's your best and even worth publishing.

Answer 6

I like the first poem the best, it shows a lot of emotion interlaced with reality of life.

Answer 7

it's sweet, but at the beginning it sounds like your talking to someone you love or about a small child you care about and at the end about friendship, maybe you should make that more clear at the beginning.

Answer 8

I love the flow of your poem and I think you should share it with the rest of us on different poetry sites. A really good one is: www.allpoetry.com (I'm stormigrl on there)
Ttyl

Answer 9

I love the first one! Hey go to my profile and find my question, "How good is this poem I made?" I think you'll enjoy it.

Answer 10

Its very talented, interesting, and i love both of them, but its only my opinion, think of it yourself if it is good, believe in yourself! You should be a poet! I love it! But you decide.

Answer 11

I liked the[]when][ poem alot.you did a nice job and i liked the story of the poem, nice job.