mother in law abusing her welcome, help me?

Question

5 years ago my mother in law had financial trouble and lost her house and car. I loaned her my truck (extra) and let her move in with us, remind you 5 years ago, until she could get back on her feet. she has been working ever since and she does pay rent but only enough to cover half of the monthly grocery bill. i have 2 children and my youngest which is 6 now has spent the last 5 yrs. in our room (wife and I). It has now bothered me financially, emotionally, personally, and mentaly. My wife says she can say anything to her because" thats her mother". My daughter is going to 1st grade and will be wanting her friends to spend the night soon and thats hard to do when she sleeps with us every night. She has out right told us she has no plans or intentions to leave simply because she can't afford it on her own. She refuses to look for a better paying job because she says her credit is bad and she can't find a "good paying job" because of that.... what should i do?????

Answer 1

Find your backbone and tell her that after five years she needs to be on her own. I don't buy the idea that since her credit is bad that she can't get a good job. She's trying to control the situation.

Give her a time limit to find her own space and if need be....help her move.

Answer 2

hmm.. MIL is playing games. I suggest, depending on how old she is, that you look into elderly subsidized housing. Or some sort of low income housing. The whole, bad credit equals bad job thing is BOGUS. Due to a predator credit card company, and youthful ignorance, I have FCUKED up credit. I believe 560, but I have a pretty decent job. My rent is #1350 a month yet I am living on my own. You MIL can do it, the thing is she doesnt want to... sounds like you're got a marie varone clone in ur house. (everybody loves raymond)

Sit her down, since ur wife isnt going to, and tell her that you support her and you totally understand that she is in a bad way financially, but your children are getting older and need their own space. from there tell her that you're concerned what the lack of privacy is doing to your marriage and that for all parties involved you are insisting that she get her own place. Let her know you will help her and be sure to talk with potential landlords to be sure that nothing like this happens again. Affordable housing is out there... she just doesnt want to find it. Trust me, where there is a will there is a way.

Whatever you do, be sure to remember that she is your wife's mother and that ur wife will be a bit sensitive at first. But after you word it like that, and show how this will benefit everyone, she will come around.

What state are you in? I would've looked up some affordable housing but I havent a clue which state you live in.

Answer 3

This might be a solution for you. If your wife doesn't have the back bone to tell her mother it is time to leave (or won't grow a back bone), Then tell your mother in law that she CAN stay there...provided SHE bring in a contractor and PAY for an addition onto your home that will give her a bedroom and bathroom so that you can put your family back into THEIR bedrooms. Like I said. SHE will have to pay for it or find a place of her own nearby because your 6 year old needs a room of her own and YOUR priorities is to provide for YOUR family and not your mother in law. You might also remind your wife of that fact as well. That HER priorities should be her CHILDREN rather than her mother.

Answer 4

Well, I FEEL FOR YOU... I HAD the mother-in-law from hell where NOTHING I DID WAS GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER 40 YEAR OLD BOY! Anyhow... Start by saying you know ma, I was thinking that if you are going to stay with us any longer we NEED to get a bigger place with more bedrooms because your grand-daughter needs a place of her own and we need our privacy! Would you be willing to pay some more of the bills so that we can live a normal life? If not go find her a trailer in a mobile home park where the utilities are already paid!

Answer 5

It sounds like you have more than done your familial duty. If your wife won't stand up for your family, you'll have to do it. Give your mother-in-law a two month deadline to be out of the house. If she tries to stick around, go through eviction preceedings, (which may take another 2-6 months depending on your state). It's not all that complicated, but you do need to jump through the hoops in the order the court decides on.

Do NOT change the locks on her or try throwing her stuff into the street. She's a 'tenant' according to the definition, and it will backfire if you try to do this.

Answer 6

ive heard this question so many time sin so many places always the exact same way. usually mother in law too not father in law. and their son/daughter cant tell them to get out because "its my mother". the answer is always the same to. she has to get out. tell her that. your wife can appear to be against it or pretend to argue with you and just lose. but if the family agrees she must be gone its for the good of your children and you. maybe let her keep using the car to get to work so she can worry about just getting an apartment though. just tell her she has to leave by: give her a certain date. heres where the biggest problem is. most people cant actually enforce it, kick them out when the time comes....make sure that you can. be stiff. give her 2 weeks not a month, and MAKE her leave when the 2 weeks are up. help her find an apartment, help her move in, she wont have a choice.

Answer 7

Your wife needs to talk to her mother. This is not fair to you or your children. She has been living rent free for 5 years and that is not going to change now. Your daughter is to old to be sleeping with you and your wife. I am sure this has effected your privacy and sex life. Can you add a room on to your house, finish the basement, or convert the garage into an apartment for your mil. This would resolve the issue of the room and her living expenses. You and your wife are good people but, sometimes we have parents who are selfish and take advantage. I am sure your wife was raised with "guilt"
when it came to her mom. Good Luck.

Answer 8

holy crap! talk about Déjà Vu!
Dude I am going through the same exact thing you are! My mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law moved into my house for the very same reason 3 years ago next month.The only difference between you and me is that my wife was against them coming and I couldn't see them end up on the streets (where they were heading).My wife said they would have figured something out and that when i made the offer they took advantage of me and stopped trying because they knew they had a place to move to.My wife was 100% correct.Now just as you stated,they have no intentions on leaving.I have discussed this with them a bunch of times and they always seem to tell me what i want to hear like "we might be moving next month" but when that time comes they act as if nothing is worng and seem to forget that they are intruding.They pay me a total amount of $250.00 a month for the two of them and think this is a huge help.I spend more than that shopping every two weeks! They sometimes ***** about the food because its not their taste or "we had this last week" and act so ungrateful for what we are doing.They break things around the house and do not offer to replace it,they have totaly turned my spare bedroom into a disaster area.It smells like cat p!ss and human fecies in the room! It turns my stomach! I have asked them to take care of the matter with the room and it does not get done,my mother-in-law thinks she is on vacation on her days off and during the evenings when she is home and expect to be waited on hand and foot.She neglects her mothers medical needs and we are forced to tend to her ourselves.I have had some all out knock down arguments with my m-i-l but the next day she just acts as if the arguments and questions to her about finding a place of her own never happened and it all starts over again.I am at my wits end and so is my wife but we know if we order them out that a chance of any civil relationship with them and my wifes other family members will be lost for good.feel free to email me if you need to get your frustrations off your chest or you want to just get advice from someone who is in the same boat you are.good luck buddy.

Answer 9

Look for a larger place and make it clear that your mother-in-law will be responsible for her share of the rent (about 1/5?) and utilities after the move in addition to paying for her own food. If you own your home and don't want to move, you'll need to build an addition, which will benefit you in the long run as it will make your house more valuable. In that case, find out what the going rate is for room and board and ask for it.

You haven't said anything about not getting along with your mother-in-law, but it does seem to be between the lines. If that's the case, there needs to be a place in the house that is yours so you don't wind up hitting the bars.

Answer 10

Your wife is wrong. BECAUSE it's her mother, SHE needs to tell her that your family is growing and there is not more room for her mother. She needs to rent herself a place. You can tell her mother, if you like, too. I'd make it a "family meeting" and explain that a 6 year old shouldn't still be sleeping in your room. Tell her this welcome was temporary. You intended she'd be on her own by now. You've given her 5 years to get on her feet. She is taking advantage of you. Offer the Mother in Law some money to pay for a security deposit on a rental place of her own. If she can work, she can find a place to live. She is being unfair. Tell her so. If she refuses to leave, I'd tell my wife she married you and she needs to take your side in this. She needs to help her mother find another place to live.

Answer 11

A job has nothing to do with her credit being bad. Finding a house may have something to do with it, but not a job. Why don't you try talking with her on your own while your wife is away. She is living with you so that she can save money to be able to get a place of her own. Work with her on this and make her work with you. You and your wife have your own life to live and children to take care of. She is grown and can work two jobs or get government assistance instead of living off of her daughter which isn't right in the first place. Try talking to her one on one and coming up with something that will suit you both. That is about all you can do. Your wife may get upset, but if it works, she will be greatful that you did what she couldn't bring herself to do.