Would you be willing to forgive me if I cheated on you?

Question

What are your standards as far as cheating goes? Has this been something you've experienced before? If you've been through it, how did you survive it, and was there ever true healing over it?

This "cheating heart" qustion has been brought to you courtesy of Jack

Edit: "question". I hate making spelling errors!

Bella: Oh dear, I don't want to disillusion you...... :(

Hutchie: You're frightening me!

CM: Everyone knows I'm bi. I make no secret of it...sorry! :(

Edit: I myself would like to know who's giving all the thumbs-down.

Eagle Woman: I'm bisexual, but have had a girlfriend for 9 years, lol! I am having a yahoo avatar affair with Gazpacho, though! ;)

Answer 1

I haven't been cheated on, but I've been dumped for my best friend which really hurt :(

Jack, in my humble opinion, cheating only manifests itself in people who are extremely unhappy with themselves - whether they know it or not.
I would forgive, but I would never forget it. It would grieve me that my friend was so insecure with our relationship. And I am way past the age (I think) of feeling sorry for myself as the Lord has shown me a level of love that transcends "self". It's hard to explain but I hope I got it right.

If I were the one doing the cheating, I would hope that I were mature enough to realize I needed counseling AND that I would not attempt to avoid the consequences but deal with them.

this "from my heart" answer has been brought to you ((((((Jack))))) courtesy of rammie :)

Answer 2

Actually it is not so bad when you are the one doing the cheating. You might just feel a little guilty every now and again.. but who hasn't experienced that emotion? It's similar to embarrassment. I survived it. No scars. Healed.

When someone you don't care much about cheats on you.. you sort of think.. no probs.. I would have done the same thing.... I survived it.. no scars. Just a little twitch from time to time. Healed.

When someone you truly care about cheats on you.. all you can think about is that person bonking that other person.. and that hurts pretty bad for no rational reason. Fidelity is highly over-rated. Scars. Survived.. relationship intact. Some healing. Some flashbacks... fewer by the day.

Of course, Jack, if your avatar cheated on Gazpacho... I'd have to throw your Armani suits and your Calvin Klein underwear into the street.. I'd kill myself and then you would fear the mighty wrath of "Gazpacho Re-chilled"

Answer 3

I am bound to forgive anyone for any wrong done to me. My faith is based on forgiveness. I have rarely seen a serious relationship survive after infidelity without becoming toxic to both parties, but I know it could happen. I was not always a saint, and of course that meant I tended to be drawn to like minded men. Then I made a conscious choice to never do to a man what I would not want done to me. I was blessed with a good and faithful husband. I lost my husband last year and still feel no desire to seek male company. Besides, there is a girl [ or in your case guy] on every street corner, but you only have one mother!

This "motherly answer" brought to you by Eagle Woman.

Edit: Cheating can be physical or emotional, or the most hurtful, both. You and your partner should have a heart to heart and agree to some guidelines, then it is up to you to be faithful to your word. I personally preferred to dump someone and move on if my eye was wandering.

Answer 4

Sweetie I know why you are asking this because you have told us before.


I have seen this from both sides. Over 20 years ago I did it because I hated myself and he did it because I was so fu.cked up. Long and very personal story why.

I think that if I was in a committed relationship now and he cheated on me, I would walk away. I know that I can survive without a man so I don't have to put up with crap.

Sorry if that is not what you wanted hear.

Answer 5

If I'm to be true to my faith, then I have to forgive you. But it would be very difficult for me. Although I would eventually forgive you, the relationship would be over. Once the love and trust is breached, it's gone. Once that fidelity line is crossed the first time, the second, third, fourth and fifth times become easier and easier for the cheater to justify.

Fortunately, I've not been in the situation personally so far.

Answer 6

Well, Jack, I did forgive once after a man cheated on me. Then he did it again. That was it. I believe everyone deserves a 2nd chance...but not necessarily a 3rd. I was over it, until it happened again.

My best friend and her husband cheated on each other and they survived it by going to church and becoming a "traditional" family again. They are still together 13 years after the "cheat". And going strong.

Edit: Please tell me you are NOT bi!!!

Answer 7

What's forgiveness got to do with it? Or cheating. We're independent autonomous beings. So we're free to do what we feel free to do, and then live with the consequences. In the same terms, one can either accept and live with a companion who explores, or one cannot. And then that, said John, putting on his waterproof mackintosh and waterproof hat - is that! We cannot own anybody. But we can choose our friends.

Answer 8

Probably not. Cheat once, you'll eventually do it again. Gosh, that sounds really bitter, but that's just what I've experienced. And no, I'm not bitter. Gave a person a 2nd chance 1 time and it bit me in the azz. Oh well. :)

Answer 9

Once a cheater always a cheater! I once gave this guy and second chance and then he completely screw it over again. I don't think any woman should forgive a guy if he cheats. What kind of idiot would want to jeopardize his relationship??? A bone head of course!

Answer 10

Yes,I have been tested very severely in the art of forgiveness.

Someday,I will tell my story,as I open up more and more... Yes,I was cheated on...what a story..

Can't we just tell some jokes or something? LOL You know what they say about the tears of a clown.

I think that is far more theraputic to just ignore genuine emotion,suppress it and just laugh your head off. just kidding