Better to be a working mum or stay at home?

Question

I am 21 years old and 24 weeks pregnant with my first..Have just finished law degree so have not started working (properly) yet, my boyfriend has well paying job..was planning on not working for at least 2 or 3 years when baby arrives, as I want to be with my baby for the first years of his/her life..anyway, what do people think of 'stay at home' mums nowadays?

The reaction I have had when I tell people that I am not planning to work as soon as I can has been quite negative, as if I am lazy or something, and I have also been told that it is a waste of my degree, and will be really hard to find a job with 2 years out of work..but its not like I am never going to work, just want to be there for my child for a while, and throw all my energy and time into being a good mother.. What are your opinions on this? It feels as though a mother is criticized for working and also for not working, we can't win! Thanks

Answer 1

Screw what everybody thinks. You already have your degree and you know what you want to do. Have your baby, spend those first two or three years of their life with your baby. He/she will definitely be happiest with mommy. You'll go back and work.. the hardest part is over.. getting the degree, getting a job should be easier. I think being a mom is more important than working. I know working is important, but your child is definitely more important than all the money in the world.. and no your degree will definitely not go to waste even if you do not go back. You're giving your child the best example to follow.. to finish a college degree :o)

Answer 2

i have been a stay at home mom since my first child has been born almost 7 years ago, mind you i have worked a graveyard shift or two when money was tight but i couldn't leave my child to have all there first experiences with someone else. I have two older step children and I just had my last child 8 months ago, when he is in school I will go back to work, but with child care being so expensive these days anyways and all the problems with child care facilities I would rather be the one watching my child. Being a stay at home mom is a hard job and even more time consuming than a 8 hour job so laziness is not an issue and once you do it you will be secure enough about it to defend yourself if you feel you should so i would say do whats best for you and try to ignore other peoples opinions because believe me they are never going to end. not while pregnant, and not after the babies born. just take and use what you like and say thanks anyways to what you don't- good luck being a stay at home mom is very rewarding,

Answer 3

It can seem like a catch 22 situation - but you do what you feel is right. Im staying at home for 12 months when my bubs born - would love it to be longer, but $ wise, i dont know if we're gonna be able to make it on only 1 income for over a year. And its really hard, because my partner and i would love to buy a house, but to do that, i have to sacrifice my time with the baby and go back to work - it sucks. But when it comes down to it, some things are more important than money and watching your child grow up is certinatley on the top of my list!
Hope all works out for you - stuff what other people think, thats what i figure. I got a bit of criticism for leaving work 1 month before i was due too - although, noone considered that i hadnt taken any annual leave for well over 12 months - people are always going to have their opinions, however stupid and uninformed - stick to your guns, enjoy your baby and bugger everyone else - thats what i say!!

Answer 4

I am 20 weeks pregnant and am looking forward to being a stay at home mom. I worked at a daycare on and off in high school, and it was heartbreaking to see how upset some of the children became when their parents came to pick them up for the evening. They were so used to being with the caregiver that their own parents were like strangers to them. From that point forward, I vowed I would be a stay at home mom when I had children.

However much I think all women should be stay at home mothers, sometimes, it's just not fiscally possible for a mother to stay home without bringing an income. In a case like that, there's just no choice, but I definitely don't feel women should be criticized for working.

Now, if you're a workoholic, and you love working, and you plan on tossing your child in a daycare or with a nanny 6 weeks after it's born, I say shame on women for that. If that's the type of life you enjoy, that's fine, but don't punish a child because you don't want to spend the time to raise it. If it's absolutely necessary for you to work, that's one thing, but I have friends that pay an arm and a leg for their children to be in day care so that they can work, and then they complain how expensive it is. If they really step back and look at the big picture, you'll see they are actually WORKING just to PAY for DAYCARE...doesn't make much sense, does it?

So, if you have the opportunity to stay home, I say do it. You are not wasting your degree...there will always be the opportunity for you to practice law once your children are older and in school. I am planning on staying home with my children until they're in school; at which time, I will go back to school and continue working on my RN. When they're older, I will work. Not because I have to, but because I want to.

Enjoy the time you will have with your children. My sister and I are the product of a stay at home mother, and I feel we were truely blessed by having a mom that was always home.

Good luck!

Answer 5

If you can afford it staying at home would be a great choice. No daycare costs and you know what they are learning and you get to have a close relationship with your child. You have the rest of your life to work in your chosen field. Your baby will only be a baby once. Im a stay at home mom too. We could use the money from me working but my 2 children were preemies and still have extra needs. I have actually had to choose between my children and a job on a few occasions.(most meomarable was 3 days my daugter ran 105 degree temps, had seizures and my boss told me I needed to find a babysitter to take her) Its really only yours and your boyfreinds decision so dont let other peoples opinions stop you from doiong what you feel you need to do. By the way congrats on the baby!!!

Answer 6

Staying at home with your child is what is best for them.

Its really a catch 22 though. I get endless compliments about how great my 2 year old daughter is, but also get asked why I dont work. Um... DUH? Because whats the point of having children just to pay a stranger to raise them? If you dont have a choice, fine. But if its up to you, being a stay at home mom is wonderful, and there is no question that its best for your child. They are meant to be in the arms of their parents, not sitting alone in a crib wailing while a daycare provider is occupied with other kids. No one can raise your child right but you. You are blessed to be able to give the priceless gift of your time to your child, dont squander it.

This is not about what other people will say or think.

Being a parent is about doing what is right for your child, no matter what. Even if you get asked rude things, or called lazy. YOU will know you are a good mom, and your child will know you are a good mom.

You cant ever go back and re-do their childhood, so dont waste it.

Do you want your kid to look back and have memories of family and fun and love, or memories of a stranger that you paid to do your job for you?

Answer 7

when my son was born i stayed at home with him for the first year and we bonded well and it was good for both of us and my husband was able to take care of the finances. My son is 1 1/2 now and i've gone back to work part time because its hard leaving your child all the time and staying at home with my son all the time can be a bit exasperating so a mix of being with him and working seems to work well. I have several friends who are stay at home moms and some of their kids are almost 4. I think that if a mom wants to stay home with her child so be it. Do whatever makes you happy but don't go broke over it. Good luck and congratulations on your baby.

Answer 8

Get ready for not only judgments about being a stay-at-home mom, but also being a young mom. I had two kids in my early twenties and two in my thirties. I've gotten so much open criticism about having kids when I was young, it's unbelievable how openly rude so many people can be. I think you are making the right choice in staying home. When you are ready to go back to work, you will know. Trust your instincts. Moms should support each other instead of trying to be right by making someone else's choice wrong. After all, we all adore our children and are only doing what we feel is right for them.

Answer 9

Well, what's wrong with being both? I work from home and am 39 weeks along. I plan to go on my leave of absence the begining of next week unless I go in to labor.
I do web design remotely for a company 3,000 miles away, so I get to stay at home with my new baby (yay!) as well as make $ at a full time job.
I guess it's probably different for people with different degrees...mine was in computer animation, and I ended up as a web designer. I just suppose I am lucky because that's one of those jobs you can stay at home doing.
Maybe you can take something you like to do and make yourself you own at-home job? For example, sell something online or do some consulting or even do something crafty at home and sell at different fairs around your county?
I used to do face painting, booked events every weekend and ended up making pretty decent cash (mostly under the table, too.). It was super fun. Charge what you would pay. I had absolutely no overhead except for a paintbrush and paints and the gas it took me to get places, and I charged $30/hr, with 2 hour minimum. People LOVED it, and I got to hang out with kids and usually was the star of the party.
Anyway, just something to think about. You can probably take whatever you are good at and make your own business out of it, and work from home. Bookkeeping, proof-reading for a novelist or magazine, making candles...who knows what. You don't need to be in an office to make $.

Answer 10

I think that being able to stay at home with your child is awesome! I would love to be able to stay home with my son, but financially we cannot afford it. I would reccomend that you do what YOU feel is best. No one can tell you what is best for you and your family. My guess is that whoever has had negative comments is jealous of your opportunity. You have your entire life to work and only a few short years to bond with your child in that way. Stay at home, you will love it! But I would suggest joining a mom's group so your have some adult interaction, and your baby can also have other babies to play with! Congrats and good luck!