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jubilation
the dance and wine
their screams and shouts
once so divine
rude and reckless
they turn the wheels
of fate and future
thought their views concealed
hesitation hinders
and takes it tolls
swaying and falling with no control
the avalanche of no future
fading into aimlessness
the foundation of whole mankind
going to be points of no return

2007-07-24 11:25:18 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities Poetry

12 answers

You have a good image and focus going until you get to line 7, then you swerve off into abstract philosophizing. Continue the work of the first few lines (sounds like the ladies of the bacchanal) and CREATE the sense of "swaying and falling with no control/the avalanche of no future." But it was enjoyable: thank you.

2007-07-24 13:30:07 · answer #1 · answered by ObscureB 4 · 1 1

Fran Liebowitz once said something to the effect: Unless you're dead, you shouldn't be writing poetry. I used to write poetry myself but later came to Liebotwitz' conclusion. So, when I look back on my poetry now, at best, I say that it's not bad poetry, but poetry written in a time of poetic irrelevance. Maybe your poem is even better than "not bad," but it lives at a time when poetry is dead. Sadly your timing sucks!

2007-07-24 12:22:33 · answer #2 · answered by Just_One_Man's_Opinion 5 · 1 1

It's very ee cummings -ish. Personally, I think the lack of punctuation and capitalization hinders understanding, but doesn't completely preclude it.

The words flow like wine.

Well done. Thank-you for sharing.

2007-07-24 13:03:52 · answer #3 · answered by Cinnibuns 5 · 2 2

I love it, you displayed very good demonstration of a psychiatrists point of view how they view a violent sucidial person, I belive is what you did.

2007-07-24 11:45:16 · answer #4 · answered by rtartt2002 3 · 1 1

Imo, your poem is great.

I give your poem and your great writing skills a 10.

2007-07-24 11:29:53 · answer #5 · answered by deiracefan_219 5 · 1 1

I do like it, it is very good. Reminds me of a poem I wrote a long time ago. Good job! :)))

2007-07-24 12:11:43 · answer #6 · answered by IslandOfApples 6 · 1 1

That's a great poem.. wow.... all I can say is " that's a master poem right there, get-er-doneeeee...

2007-07-24 12:21:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

A big 10 for you! *applause* *throws roses* ;-)

2007-07-24 11:34:33 · answer #8 · answered by Buddy Hodor 7 · 1 1

I like the first half.

2007-07-24 11:30:49 · answer #9 · answered by Ronnie 5 · 1 2

yes i do like ur poem darn drunk drivers ^_^

2007-07-24 16:23:54 · answer #10 · answered by εїз TANYA εїз 4 · 0 0

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