You have a good image and focus going until you get to line 7, then you swerve off into abstract philosophizing. Continue the work of the first few lines (sounds like the ladies of the bacchanal) and CREATE the sense of "swaying and falling with no control/the avalanche of no future." But it was enjoyable: thank you.
2007-07-24 13:30:07
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answer #1
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answered by ObscureB 4
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Fran Liebowitz once said something to the effect: Unless you're dead, you shouldn't be writing poetry. I used to write poetry myself but later came to Liebotwitz' conclusion. So, when I look back on my poetry now, at best, I say that it's not bad poetry, but poetry written in a time of poetic irrelevance. Maybe your poem is even better than "not bad," but it lives at a time when poetry is dead. Sadly your timing sucks!
2007-07-24 12:22:33
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answer #2
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answered by Just_One_Man's_Opinion 5
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It's very ee cummings -ish. Personally, I think the lack of punctuation and capitalization hinders understanding, but doesn't completely preclude it.
The words flow like wine.
Well done. Thank-you for sharing.
2007-07-24 13:03:52
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answer #3
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answered by Cinnibuns 5
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I love it, you displayed very good demonstration of a psychiatrists point of view how they view a violent sucidial person, I belive is what you did.
2007-07-24 11:45:16
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answer #4
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answered by rtartt2002 3
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Imo, your poem is great.
I give your poem and your great writing skills a 10.
2007-07-24 11:29:53
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answer #5
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answered by deiracefan_219 5
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I do like it, it is very good. Reminds me of a poem I wrote a long time ago. Good job! :)))
2007-07-24 12:11:43
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answer #6
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answered by IslandOfApples 6
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That's a great poem.. wow.... all I can say is " that's a master poem right there, get-er-doneeeee...
2007-07-24 12:21:56
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answer #7
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answered by Anonymous
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A big 10 for you! *applause* *throws roses* ;-)
2007-07-24 11:34:33
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answer #8
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answered by Buddy Hodor 7
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I like the first half.
2007-07-24 11:30:49
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answer #9
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answered by Ronnie 5
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yes i do like ur poem darn drunk drivers ^_^
2007-07-24 16:23:54
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answer #10
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answered by εїз TANYA εїз 4
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