Wanting to cheat....?

Question

I have been having issues with my husband of 5 yrs (you can read my other post for details) He had been haveing :temper tantrams" and they are getting worse. I hav asked him to leave, and even called the cops, but they will not make him leave. I WILL NOT leave because #1 I am out of owrk and we have 2 kids. #2 This is my house that was gifted to me by my father. #3 I can't go live with my parents - they live next door, and my brother lives on the other side of me.....

I want to reconnect with an ex of mine..... My husband has cheated, and I have been making him sleep in the spare room, but I really want and need to feel like a woman again. Something that I haven't felt in 2 years. I plan on getting a job, and soon. And then I planto file divorce and force him out of my house, but how wrong is it of me to reach out to another man?

Answer 1

Not wrong at all, as long as you know what you want for yourself. I would not really call it cheating at this point but more of taking care of yourself.

It's only cheating when the other person is caring and also, if you feel guilty about it. It seems that you don't and you do have a good reason for that!

There will be a lot of people here to judge you, but believe me they would do the same thing if they were in your shoes. Some people here are just trying to be righteous but, at the same time really doing the same if not worst.

If it's been 2 years since you felt like a woman, then you do need to find that job and move on with your life. Remember, once you step out of love, it would be very difficult to attain it again.

Best wishes!

Answer 2

There is NO EXCUSE to cheat! No matter what he's done to you! That would make you no better than your husband even though he did it first! Show that you have some class. Rise above your husband and respect yourself! Don't start another relationship without concluding the other. Your asking for more heartache.

Why would you want to reconnect with an ex, isn't he an ex for a reason? Why would you want to go backwards instead of forwards?

How about you take care of yourself and your children and focus on that part of the family. Work on moving forward with your life, getting a job, nuturing your children, making sure their well being is intact. This IS NOT the time for you to be starting another relationship with a man. The minute you gave birth, your needs became second. You need companionship and closeness, you need to feel like a woman....I understand that, but your first priority is to get calmness and peace in your home so your children know they are ok no matter the circumstances.

If you truly want out of your marraige and see no hope of moving forward with your husband, either get a job or ask your family to help you with a down payment for a lawyer to file a legal seperation from your husband. Go before the judge and ask the judge that your husband leave your residence and ask for child support while in the seperation. Devote your time to making sure your kids are well grounded through the termoil and devote your time to finding a job that will allow you to feel more self worth and show yourself as a good role model for your children. Make lemonaide out of the lemons you have now. Don't bring another person (the ex or other man) into your world until you can stand on your own two feet. Be a woman! You deserve better than what you got! Don't make the same mistakes your husband made. Love yourself first! Your self worth is not determined by being with a man.

Answer 3

Here's my personal take on your life if you care to read further. Reaching out to another man (other than a shoulder to lean on) would make you a cheater and two wrongs don't make a right. Your legal husband will bring this up at divorce time and don't think he'll never find out. The truth always has a way of biting you in the butt at the worst possible time. Get a job and concentrate on getting on your own two feet and setting a good example for your kids. There is plenty of time for you if things are done in the right order.
Good luck and God bless you and your children. I know it's not easy.

Answer 4

settle you current issues first. Get the divorce or at least a legal seperation. If he has hit you, abused you or made you fear for your safety or that of the kids, get a restraining order and have the cops serve him, and stand by while he packs his stuff and gets out. Then change the locks, get a big dog and don't let him back without the cops doing a "civil standby" meaning, they will stay there to keep the peace until he leaves. If you bring in the other guy now, you're gonna blow your chances at a clean divorce. It's gonna get ugly. and just my opinion, never go back to an "ex" you guys broke up for a reason once already. Go for a fresh start.

Answer 5

Right now, your primary focus should be obtaining employment and filing for divorce. If you have been forced to call the police due to your husbands behavior, I am sure your current living situation is not a healthy one for your two children. You do have a right to remain in your home. However, if you are ready to move on with your life...you need to take the proper steps to do so before you begin dating again. I am not suggesting you wait to date until the divorce is declared final. You deserve to feel loved and have companionship just as much as anyone else. But if your husband has "temper tantrums" right now..how do you think he will react when he finds out that you are with another man? Just do what you need to do to finish your current relationship before you move onto another one.

Answer 6

I certainly could not blame you but as one who has fallen... no matter what the reason you will regret having traded your character in for a few minutes of pleasure. My wife is selfish... a user... and she cheated first and I still wish I hadn't cheated myself. Besides, you want to give this new relationship the best chance possible... compromising your character won't help.

Once you file for divorce... I think you could rekindle but I would suggest counseling and some time to regroup so that you present a healthy you to this new man. It sounds like you have taken an emotional beating and need some time to do some basic healing.

Besides, jumping from man to man from a kids perspective is a bad example.

Answer 7

First of all think about your children and before you can enter into a relationship with anyone you must first close the door on the first realationship. Wait until you have divorce your husband before you leap. You sound broken hearted but time will heal all that pain. If your husband has cheated on you don't lower your standards by reaching out to another man for all the wrong reasons. You have to know if you wat to have another relationship . okay best of luck.

Answer 8

I would wait until you have this whole mess worked out. You have enough stuff to deal with right now. Your children need you to be there for them right now. They have been having to listen to you two fight for how long now? Get a divorce first before you cheat. I know he did it to you, but two wrongs don't make a right. Focus on #1-kids, #2-getting a job #3-getting a divorce. Thats enough to keep you busy.

Answer 9

I would do some soul searching to find out the real reason you want your husband out. You say temper tantrums, does he hit you or abuse your children? Is it because your husband cheated, and you feel you need to. Or, have you just simple fallen out of love with hubby that you want your ex back.

Does your husband still cheat? Has he shown remorse? Is his temper tantrum due to knowing that you want to have an affair with your ex? I would ask myself these questions.

I would talk to my husband like adult and let him know how I feel. Tell him how his cheating hurt you. Just speak from your heart. You may be surprise at his answers and find that you can forgive him. Tell him you want to feel like a woman again. Sparks just might ignite like they use too.

If its just that time for you......Well, you already have made your plans.

Good Luck.

Answer 10

Do not cheat. With so much family right there you can do this. Why wait to file for divorce? Why would you want to connect with another man while you still have a hubby around?..that is not a situaiton to bring an innocent into, especially a hubby that has tandrums.