Q to older gay people.....do you find it hard to give advise to younger people that are.....?

Question

questioning their sexuality?

Personally, I do. There wasn't anyone that I could have turned to when I was young. I only got into a support group AFTER I had accepted that I was gay. I want to answer a lot of the questions that I see here, but I don't feel that I'm qualified to do so. I don't think the way I had to deal with things was the easiest, but I don't know any other way to tell anyone. SO...I usually don't touch these....unless I feel that that person is a danger to themselves or others.....


Please give me your thoughts..... AND this is a SERIOUS question....I have no time for the BS from people that have no intention of answering this honestly....got it?!?

Answer 1

When young people come to this forum to ask questions it is telling me that they do not have the support they need in their normal lives. Coming here is kind of a last resort for some. For others it is simply a way to get input to questions they think they already have the answers to.
I have found that most youth are really looking for the missing parts of their lives. Those missing parts seem to be the ones that would normally provide guidance for a youth, parents, grandparents, big brother or sister etc. Assuming those rolls for them becomes, in my mind, a very important responsibility. So I try to give support better than what I received when I was younger by answering their questions as openly and as truthfully as humanly possible. I answer from my heart and from experience and sometimes they are in conflict. But I try my best to give my very best.
hunterhous10 - your experiences are different from mine which are different from Tracer's, Tegarst's, Jyse's, Riverotter7's, Rose P's and all the rest who answered here including the small minded troll.
When we speak from experience and temper it with understanding, compassion and love it helps provide for the missing parts of all our lives and gives us a truer sense of community. That sense of community is reinforced every time we give of ourselves to those asking questions. Do not hesitate to answer questions here. You may have that one little piece of information that will connect to the asker and maybe save a life. I look forward to seeing more of your answers here. Take care and live life to the fullest.

Answer 2

Whoa... WHOA.... WHOA!!!!!

Hunter was around before Stonewall?

DAMN, dude... You look great!

Ok... I'm officially "pushing 40", which puts me in a rather unique seat on the fence. I personally had the fortune of being guided by a few good-hearted older members of the gay community when I was growing up.

I was out as a teenager in the 80's, and was present for a lot of the protests and demonstrations that were really coming to light after the onset of AIDS.

Today, I think gays are just enough at a point in the mainstream where todays youth are jaded to everything that came before. They don't know, or care, about where the pink triangle came from. They think Stonewall is a new Emo band. They have never heard of the Names Project, let alone ever having seen the quilt in one piece.

However, I also think it's very much a geographic thing to a certain degree. Having moved to Los Angeles from the San Francisco Bay area, I find that kids down here are much more hardened and resentful of the over 25 crowd, while the younger generation up north is a LITTLE more open to "the wisdom of their elders."

Regards,
Rock E. Horror

Answer 3

I don't know if I qualify as 'older' at 34 but nevertheless I'll give answering a shot!
I came out of the closet at an early age and learnt to use my sexuality to gain my own ends. Countless one night stands and broken hearts down the line, my friend and I decide to 'cruise' a couple of twins at a nightclub. It transpires that one of the twins is HIV positive and literally on the toss of a coin it was my friend who slept with him (in all innocence of the guy's condition) Suddenly the brakes are very abruptly put on my hedonisitic lifestyle as I realise one of many cold hard realities of life.
Now I come from a very conservative background where even now there are family members who can not reconcile to my lifestyle. However through it all I have always had a certainty that whatever hand life deals me I am going to be true to my self. No apologies, no looking back. I am not going to say I am the font of all knowledge, but I have learned alot of lessons from my (and people around me) experiences. So although I don't qualify in a 'literary' sense I have lived life in the fast lane and have something to say. therefore if someone asks a question I'll give answer with the honesty I've always respected in others when I've asked in the past.
So to more directly answer you. Whoever you are and where ever you come from things might have changed, moved on or (in some cases) regressed, but you still have something valid to say because it comes from you and from the heart!

Answer 4

I guess I'm older??? I'm 35, and I do give advice when I can to younger people questioning their sexuality. And, I am able to look at it objectively, in other words, I don't assume that every person questioning their sexuality is gay or bisexual. Hormones, environment, depression, all of these can play a part in it. But then a good portion of them are gay or bisexual and don't know how to deal with their feelings.

My daughter is bisexual, she's 16, and I do what I can to help her work through it. I know how I felt at 12, 13, 14, knowing I liked girls, but I didn't have one person I could tell that to. Instead I thought I was a misfit of society and pushed those urges down, instead of being who I really am.

Given the chance to counsel, I do and I will.

Answer 5

I'm 44. Is that old? I don't feel old. Oh well.

1. I try to never use the word "advice."

2. I tell them what worked for me and what didn't. Counselling worked well, and alcohol didn't. (Have you got an extra year for me to tell you the stories?)

3. I have found a few online resources for young gays like The Gay Youth Network ( http://www.thegyc.com/ ) where I steer them. They can get a lot of support there.

4. I remind everyone that each individual is loved by god/universe. Be happy. Be gay.

Answer 6

I fully understand, my dear Friend, although I will try anyways. I'm almost 45, and kids today (whooohooo! I've wanted to say that!) have a great deal of resources *if* they choose to use them. Some don't. Some turn to our wavering voices of reason.
Flattered? Yes. Comfortable? Not necessarily, especially since I've never met any of those I'm talking to and giving advice to. The cyber world is foreign to me; while the kids have grown up with it; just as accepting our being gay was once foreign to us and the kids have been able to at least have an easier time coming to grips.
Have I made any sense? I hope I have.
Blessings to us all.

Answer 7

Am I "older"? (ouch) I'm 27, *shrugs*. I don't mind giving advice, the reason being is that I've had not just one, but 2 periods of "coming out" and "coming to terms"..one with my sexual identity and the other with my gender identity. When the two cross, things can get kind of confusing. With that being said, I feel as though I'm now a pretty secure person in who and what I am. Also, I've seen the ups and downs of the coming out process involving both. I've seen the hatred of coming out in a small, redneck, homophobic town.
I've also lived a life of being open of who I am in a big city as well. I've seen life through many perspectives, both good and bad, so I feel fairly comfortable in offering advice in this aspect to the younger people today.
That, and even though I'm very blunt, honest, and to the point, I've been told I give good, solid advice.

Answer 8

I'm 40 years old. You can make the decision, if that makes me an older gay person or not.

I as a policy do not advise anyone who is questioning their sexuality. I am not a counselor or therapist and I do not feel I am qualified to help someone through this process. Those people need professional help that is beyond my abilities.

Answer 9

I dont have a problem answering questions that are deep bcause ive been through a few things(molestation, physical verbal mental abuse, mother was in the COGIC(penticostal church), father was nonchristian and homophobic and teased.....)but i've been ok with being me for yrs and i'm near 40yo. My main thing is to let ppl think what they choose to about a my sexuality especially when ur young u dont have to tell anyone bcause its nobodys business. If they find out on their own so be it just be u and be happy being u as long as ur not bothering anyone.

Answer 10

I'm 32 & freely give advice. Its hard for me to understand a lot of these questions from the younger set. I don't know how to teach or purvey common sense. There are so many more possibilities these days for the GLBT youth communtity than there has every been. I have observed their lack of respect for others, and are emotionally driven to the point of extremism.

Just watch, since I said that I will end up eating humble pie (and thats okay).