Is it true that everyone actually DESIRES someone else sexually no matter how happily married?

Question

There was a question on here about it, and I ran it by my hubby and he said..

"Sure. Everyone at some point has that desire. Men and women. It's just whether you act on it or not."

But I disagree.. I'm part of everyone right? Well, sure, I've THOUGHT about.. or WONDERED about sex w/ someone else.. but never actually WANTED or DESIRED it.... I think there is a big difference.

Do you think he is right? Or are we both right? Is it just a difference in definition of the word desire?

What do you think? Have you ever truly DESIRED someone other than your spouse?

Answer 1

Regarding fantasy, Helen Fisher ("The First Sex," Ballantine Books, Feb. 2000) says that 71 percent of men and 72 percent of women fantasize while having sex with a partner. Men fantasize about conquest and domination, women about submission and surrender.

Dr. Joyce Brothers says, "It might relieve some of your guilt to know that many happily married individuals who have no thought or intention of ever betraying their spouse have sexual fantasies about someone other than their spouse."

Answer 2

No, I think most men desire it, but most women who are truly in love, as I was when I first got married, never even have the thought enter their mind. It wasn't until my husband confessed that he desired sex with other women after I found a magazine in the closet and questioned him about it, that I began wondering if he really loved me the same way I loved him. Ever since that time my feelings changed for him and we have only grown more and more distant. Men don't feel the same way as women, if they did they wouldn't desire someone else. Why is that so hard to figure out? After twenty years of marriage, I can honestly say I don't desire anyone. I would rather be alone. : )

Answer 3

All, always, never, forever, and words like that are rarely true...as you know because you are an exception to the concept of "all people desire someone else at some point".

I think it's more accurate to say, MOST people will fantasize about being with others, even if they are in a happy relationship. Desire implies they truly want to be with someone else (even if they don't act on it)...where fantasizing just means they've thought about it, not that they'd ever consider it or really want it (that's why fantasies are so great, no limitations and no guilt).

Answer 4

I think you are getting to picky... desire can be different depending on your sexual state... that one week of the month that you are a little more horny vs that time of the month... it's the same with guys...

The level of desire is not so much the issue... it's probably more about NOT WANTING who you are with while wanting someone else.

Consider the sheer number of people you bump into... the chances of having chemistry with one of them is pretty high - just as a coincidence. So your glands jump to attention and your heart races... but you realize that you LOVE someone else and let the moment pass...

Now, if you purposefully dwell on the other person and feed the desire... thats altogether different.

Answer 5

Well, marriage does not make me blind or stop me from being a woman. I still find other men attractive and occasionally I feel drawn to others (especially during rough times with my husband). I suppose that could be construed as desire.

But what I also have is commitment. I made a covenant that no amount of desire can justify me in breaking it. My commitment is stronger than me desire.

I don't know if everyone wants to ditch their spouse occationally, all I can tell is about myself.

P.S. I'm wildly in love with my husband, so that definitly helps.

Answer 6

I think it's all down to the individual person's definition of "DESIRE".

I say desire is a want. I want a new pair of shoes; I desire a new pair of shoes. Same thing to me. That guy's hot - I wouldn't mind having a romp with him... I would never do it because I'm married, but too late - I desired for just a second.

Your husband is saying that if you think about it, you're desiring, which is basically the same thing. It’s not saying that you’re dwelling on it, or spending weeks fantasizing about it. You thought about it, you wondered, and for a moment you thought to yourself “If I wasn’t married…”

Absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Answer 7

I have never had the thought or desire to be with anyone else but my wife. It is just the way I have always been. I think the reason for that is because I have always wanted to be in a deeply committed relationship, so those thoughts have just never crept into my mind.

Answer 8

I think you're splitting hairs over the definition of "desire".

If you mean desire to mean "have the compelling, uncontrollable urge to physically mount another person", then no, not everyone has "desired" another person.

If you take desire to mean "fantasize, wonder, be intrigued by the possibility of being with another person", then yes: I think the vast majority of people have, at one point or another in their relationship, "desired" someone else.

Answer 9

Desire-something wished for; strong attraction. If I were "happily married" the only person I would have a desire for would be my husband. I also agree that it's healthy to fantasize about someone else, never acting upon it. But to fantasize is definitely different than to desire. If you desire a pair of shoes, you want them. You may do anything to get them. You had a strong attraction to them that caused you to wonder how to get them. To fantasize about a pair of shoes you know you could never have them....maybe too expensive, maybe not your style (trashy, but cute), you would think about yourself wearing them, but know in your heart that you never would. It's fun to think about but not to actually act upon. No harm done.

Answer 10

i think if everyone is totally HONEST, they have had the thought cross their minds. Now, whether they DESIRE someone, that's another word. We're all human, and I think when we see someone of the opposite sex, some degree of a sexual nature thought comes thru.

Your hubby is human, as we all are. Don't beat him up too bad, cause next time you see a HOT guy, he'll rag you about it!!! LOL.