I'm so sad - can you brighten my day?

Answer 1

You look very pretty today.

Something's different...have you lost weight????

Answer 2

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her
Students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the
3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd
Grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the
Principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would
Give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was
To go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he
Agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry : "9."
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36."
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader
Should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go
To the 3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks : "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants."
Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
Delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"
Harry: "Coconut."
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks : "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the
Answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down
And a dog does on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks : "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a
Lot of heat and excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck."
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry
In the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...... "

Answer 3

My husband retired, and for the first time in over 40 years I had to think about preparing midday meals.

Tired of it after several months, I said, "I married you for better or worse, but not for lunch."

"Fair enough. From now on I'll make my own," he replied.

A few weeks later he had to go downtown on business and invited me to join him afterwards.

"We could have lunch at that Chinese place we both like," he suggested.

I happily agreed. At the restaurant the next day we were seated, and the waiter came to take our order.

My husband looked up, a twinkle in his eyes and said, "Separate checks, please..."

***********************

John had never been on a fishing boat before, and he was now thinking it was the stupidest thing he'd ever done in his life.

Who would ever have believed that seasickness could be this awful? With every pitch and roll, John wondered how he was going to survive the remaining two hours of the trip.

One of the deckhands came up to him and said, "Don't worry, young fella. Nobody ever died of seasickness."

"You've just taken away my last hope for relief," John said.

Answer 4

This worked for me and upon check in it out again now has worked yet again hahahahahaha
LOVE the dancing Mario hahahaha
after you check that out search for similar clips, many amusing items to brighten the darkest day available there.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lc_vaHhtNoc

Answer 5

Trust me: aside from death and illness, nothing in life is worth frowning over.

You're unique and amazing. Go outside, do something you love, listen to your favourite song, watch your favourite comedy, do anything that will remind you of life's little joys!!

All the best to you

Answer 6

Put down that chain saw and listen to me-it's time to join in the fight - it's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys- its time to let the bedbugs bite. Put your eggs in one basket- you've got count your chickens before they hatch- you've got sell some wine before it's time- you've got to find yourself an itch to scratch- you better squezze all the Charmin you can, while Mr. Whipple's not around- stick your head in the microwave and get yourself a tan.....

Answer 7

Yes- it's Tuesday, and Monday won't be back for 6 whole days!!!!!

Only 3 days to the weekend!!

Answer 8

Okay, you might not find this funny, you'll either find it hilarious, or extremly dumb, after you read it, try to tell it to someone with alot of enthusiasum, and scream the last part....okay, here goes.....

There are two muffins sitting in an oven
One muffin turns to the other and says, "Man! Its hot in here!"

The other muffin screams "DUDE! A TALKIN MUFFIN!"

Answer 9

My daughter had a number 2 in her diaper. "She is 7 months" I went to change her and she rubbed it on my shirt and face and all over her body. It got all over her and me and we both had to take new baths. But that's kids for ya. Hoped that gave you a laugh.

Answer 10

You are a wonderful person, why so sad?

Think of your favorite place and imagine yourself there. Deep breaths and relax.

Have a GREAT day!!

Answer 11

Two flies are eating a piece or garbage and one of the flies farts. The other one looks at him and says "Do you mind? Im trying to eat."