What is it about these other women my husband is attracted to?

Question

I am a good-looking 24 year old college-degree woman. My husband, though, seems to be attracted to the kind of woman that you would look at and say "Man, she's had a hard life." Usually they have no education and work the night shift at a gas station. On several occasions he has formed relationships with them. We are working through this and he is getting help. But I am just wondering why he goes after these kinds of women... He is a very attractive man and can probably get any one he wants.

Answer 1

Sexual turn ons sometimes can be really wierd. Good luck figuring this out. If he understands why this type of women turns him on then maybe he can fight that urge. Or maybe the urge will pretty much disappear.

Could be a need to be needed a lot. A need to be really looked up to. A need to be worshipped as a savior--a knight in shining armor. To be admired. Do you give that kind of feeling. Can you be more needy? Can you be more damaged in appearance and behavior. Do you need him? Does he really help you?

If not can you fake it good enough without appearing like your are faking it? Maybe ease into that personna a little at a time.

Answer 2

It could just be that he is intimidated by you and your success. How does he feel about being married to a successful woman? Are you the breadwinner in the family? Sometimes men have a hard time dealing with this.

Also, it could be that he doesn't need to "pretend" to be someone with these women. He might be more comfortable with someone like this. You never mentioned what your husband's education level is. Maybe he feels as though he doesn't fit into your world.

You said that you were working through these issues. I hope you are doing this with the help of a trusted therapist. good luck.

Answer 3

I would have to say, ego. These women are worse off than you, and hubby, and make him feel needed. You answered your own question in the first sentence... good looking college degree WOMAN. He has that, and is bored with it and these women give him a sense of philanthropy if you will. Its horrible that he is married to you, yet now having a problem with your accomplishments and seeking women lower, but some men cannot handle women who are accomplished, dedicated, driven, and ambitious. You seem to be all of these, and maybe hubby isnt getting from you the sense of "i need you" that he is from those other women.

He does need help, and it is his problem, Its his insecurities that drive him to these women. It is nothing wrong with you, actually your only problem is that you are too right for him. I hope that you two can work through this. But if this continues, you just be sure that you dont start blaming yourself. If he is attracted to trash, and people who make him feel big, because they have a bad hand of cards, its his problem. He sounds like a jerk, if you ask me... needing someone worse off than himself to feel better about himself.

Answer 4

I can think of several reasons. One, such women have a reputation for being what I would call uncomplicated -- what you see is what you get. Two, poorer women are more easily impressed by displays of even semi-wealth; these women would love dinner at an Applebee's for example, whereas it takes much more to impress a woman like you. Third, a lot of times, fair or unfair, these women are perceived as more sexually available. Finally, there is sometimes no explaining sexual desirability. Try dressing up in stained coveralls with a name patch one evening and see if you have an extra-fun night of sex.

Answer 5

You're 24. It hasn't been long enough of a life together to keep with this guy. Hell, you're only 6 years past 18. You're educated and shouldn't stand for a guy that's "forming relationships" elsewhere. Friendships is one thing. But really, give yourself a little credit and dignity and move on.

Answer 6

Whether he can get anyone he wants or not he has you and you seem to be too accepting. This is not about him being attracted to these women. This is about him not respecting you.

You really need to divorce him and find a husband who respects you. Cheaters are always going to cheat. They do so, because they do not respect their partners.

You can go to all the therapy you want, but the odds are high that he will cheat again. Your question is already proof of that.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 7

I think you'd be better off without the looser. No need to work through this..he's a cheater, once a cheater always a cheater. I know its easier said than done, but I went through the same thing with a ex I dated after highschool and BOY am I so glad I finally got the picture. You are beautiful and you need someone who treats you like you are!

Answer 8

Isn't funny how some guys tend to be attracted to those types of women? I never understand that...I work very hard to keep up my appearances, be presentable as well as down to earth, with a freaky side in the bedroom. And I catch my man checking out the local sleaze in town. Men are dogs who like to spread their seed. Oddly I don't mind him checking out the hotties, but you catch him eyeballing some skank, I'm like damn, he's attracted to that?!? Then what does he perceive me to be?

Answer 9

With these other women it will make him look good compared to them, while with you, you are the one who looks good compared to him. He sees a sense of domination with these other women, but apparently he is a bit intimidated by your looks and you having a college degree. Men feel the need to be seen as the care giver and provider. He isn't getting as much of this from you bc you are so independant.

Answer 10

Who cares why he goes after other women, or what type of woman he goes after? The point is he's going after other women. That's unacceptable to me, and if you have any self respect, it should be the same for you, too.