Please dad's only or women who have gone through this!!?

Question

Long story short my husband have a ten year old son.He stays with his mother and visits every once in a while.He is doing terrible in school example just learned timetables this summer still reads on third grade level, they placed him in special ed in michigan because he was so far behind.Now his mother and my husband have decided that he will come and stay with us for the school year. The only problem is she wants to keep the child support money eventhough he stays with us. My husband is fine with this because he really wants to help his son through this. I can't comprehend this because it is not fair by a long shot and we are not talking three or four hundred dollars.Not only dealing with it financially difficult but his mother calls and complains about things that have nothing to do with her. we just bought a house and it is difficult to furnish but bc we also have alot of things going on so he called his mother to say he couldn't take a shower bc we didn't have a shower curtain so

she took the liberty of buying one and sending it to us. She sent him a comforter clothes rugs towels to take a bath with so when my daughter see this crazy stuff in the mail she wants a new comforter for her bed she wants new clothes and its about to drive me crazy. So I guess my question is how to deal with this foolishness with out cursing someone out or making someone feel bad. Oh yea not only is he slow when it comes to academics but he asks a million questions about nothing but he acts like my daughter the five year old. Help please.

Yes the shower curtain is five dollars but I am not buying a five dollar shower curtain to go up in my kids bathroom it will match just like their bedroom. Thanks for everone who answered

Been there done that...I have two girls five and one and I am not about to play this sick little game with him or his mother my question is how to deal with this situation without losing my cool. Thanks

Answer 1

I understand where your comming from and your husband wanting his son, if they can not work something out between themselves then think how much will child support cost through out the school year, and how much will it cost to get legal assistance to make this right?

The mom may be using the money for other reasons than support of the child and come depend on it also, so may not want to give it up, or your husband just may have a hard time telling her that he is going to ether not pay child support for when he has his son or will still pay a smaller amount.

Best seek legal advise before doing anythign...

Answer 2

This is a situation you will have to consult with an attorney about. If nothing else, you and your husband sue for custody of the child. No, it is not fair for you to keep the child, but still pay the mother child support. The non-custodial parent will always have something to complain about just because they can. The child complained he couldn't take a shower because you didn't have a shower curtain? Could he not take a bath instead? Anyway, yes it will be expensive, but the best thing to do is consult an attorney.

Answer 3

Your husband may already have a clause in his court order that gives him 50 percent credit when the child spends more than a week with him, 6 days consecutively, he may want to take advantage of that also, but if he is going to keep the child for the entire school year, he should consider stopping the support for that time....the money is suppose to be used to care for the child, if the child isnt with his mother then he should see that that money is not being used properly by leaving it with the mother...sometimes, other underlying issues between parents prompt men to do things that make no sense...like paying support for a child that he is being the primary caretaker for.
He does have that option...getting him to use it would be wise.

Answer 4

First of all you need to get over yourself and remember that YOU CHOSE to marry a man with a 10 year old son. A son that SHOULD be a priority in his life. That being said.....

If the son is coming to live with you guys in hopes that maybe he will get more strucutre, more discipline, and do better in school, then good. You should ALL be focussed on what is best for him. If he is going to be living with you however, why would you guys still send his mother child support checks? If antyhing SHE should be sending YOU guy support checks! Why is your husband supposed to pay when his son lives with his mom, but the mom doesn't have to pay when the son lives with his dad? Makes no sense.

So get that squared away as soon as you can. That way you can focus on making your house as warm, as loving, and as comfortable as you can for YOUR step son instead of bytching and complaining about comforters and $5 shower curtains.

Answer 5

From the way you sound I don't think I would trust my son to be around you. You sound like you are bitter towards the mother and the child and like you are capable of mistreating him. That's how you are coming off! You are talking about him in a negative manner because he has an illness. It's not his fault.



It sounds like the mother is still providing for the child even while he's with you all. Stop acting jealous of the child. You knew your husband had a child before you married him. You're acting very ugly!!

Answer 6

This kid is gonna play you against his other parent, unless you all talk long and hard about boundaries, and what is appropriate information. You should also look into love and logic, as a parenting method. Works with most kids. Also, it is extreemly important to be consistant with him, and make him do the homework before anything fun happens after work. I know this because we adopted two children who were 4 and 5 when we got them, and they were so abused they couldnt even put a sentance together, and werent potty trained. (meth house, and left alone locked in a room.) Two years later they are doing great, and at grade level. Not saying it was easy, but we got ourselves involved and informed. We also did not let the kids play us parents off against one another. When all are united and the kid learns the boundaries he will come around. May take a while, but keep at it.

Answer 7

I have been where you are. My husband's ex also thought their son should come live with us, but she wanted to keep the child support money.

We spelled everything out in writing, sent her a copy, along with both attorney's, the judge, the clerk of courts, etc. saying what would happen if the boy came to live with us. She would lose her child support for the time that the child was living with us, she would pay US, and she would have to abide by the new visitation schedule.

She was fine with everything EXCEPT losing the child support. She insisted that SHE needed the money to pay the bills with and that it was only temporary anyway.

When the judge informed her that their son would not be bounced back and forth like a tennis ball for custody and child support, she changed her mind and said she would keep him. She was only interested in the money. Now that their son is 25, she STILL calls us asking us to put new tires on his car (even though he says they are fine), buy new furniture, etc. He tells us to ignore her and he tells her to back off. She says that he is still entitled to his dad's money at the age of 25.

In the divorce decree, she wanted 6 years of spousal support, child support extended while the son went to the college of his choice and graduated with the desired degree - even if it was a master's!!! She thought his dad "owed" him all of that. And she was the one who walked out on the marriage!

We solved the problem by continually telling the son that he was loved very much, that we weren't going to "buy" his love and we also threatened (out of earshot of the son) the ex with court action if she did not cease and desist.

Now if she calls and asks for money from my husband he asks her simply "what part of no don't you understand?"

We were so happy when the judge ruled in my husband's favor and the son turned 18. MOST of the nightmare was over.

Good Luck and be firm!

Answer 8

His mother has every right to send him things he needs since obviously his father hasn't seen to them. He wants to take a private shower so what? He is entitled to take a shower with a shower curtain up. He is entitled to have a comforter on his bed as well as sheets and blankets. If his father doesn't want to go to court to have the child custody/support order changed that is between him and his son's mother. It's not his mother's fault nor his fault that your daughter is jealous that his mother purchaes new clothes, bedding for HIM. Get your butt out and get a job and purchase them for your daughter if she wants them so badly. frankly lady, YOU are the crazy one. Get over your selfish self.

Answer 9

hmmm.. i know this situation, there is no reason for the money to go to the baby mother... child support is exactly that support for the child not the childs mother, unfortunatly the only way to change where the support goes (i'm assuming its court ordered) is to go back to court, unless u can get her to sign some thing saying that he's staying with his father for the school year, n take it to the courts.... it wont stop right away but it will in about 2 months

Answer 10

Wow. I understand about the child support if he is under a court ordered one. Why does he feel it is ok for her to keep getting the child support? Can you afford to go to court to at least get it suspended while he is attending school? My son went through the same problem. I quit work to help him get through this rough time for him. The dr. recommended Focalin for his attention. He has improved a 150%. His grades are much better and his self esteem improved. We also let him get involved with an after school program to help him with homework and other activities. I know there are programs that will help get them back on track. I hope you can discuss these options with your husband.