Is it stupid to want to still be with someone who cheated on you?

Question

We have two kids together and we have been together for 4 years he cheated on me and will deny that he did it till hell freezes over, but i never would have known except i got an std. now i havent confronted him about it yet i just want some input.
Is it worth fighting for?
Should i stay for the kids?
do i walk away and say screw him?
please any advice would be great!

He gave me chlamydia and i just got my test results back i am bing treated for it, but i dont know much about it i know the doctors said that there is no way to tell when i got it just that i have had it for a while and that i was infected really bad. they just kept asking how my relationship was with my husband and i kept saying that we were fine talk about embarrassing!

Answer 1

Oh my gosh! I think you need a hug (hug)!
Only you can say if it's worth fighting for but if he gave you an STD you should be plenty upset. He's not only messing around, he's messing around with YOUR health. You certainly should find out about that STD because he could re-infect you even if you are treated. I wouldn't sleep with that guy again until he has a clean bill of health from a doctor and maybe not then if he's going to keep cheating.

Staying for the kids is not getting it! They deserve a stable happy home and so do you. Without peace of mind no one will be happy. Should you decide to leave, other doors will open for you, although you don't feel that way now. You have the right to expect love and respect and fidelity from your husband. Your trust has been broken and he'd have to do some serious mending to put that back together.

Will you ever be able to trust him again? Can you wonder each time your are together if he's going to infect you with someones sickness? If he won't admit what he's done you need to bolt, if he does admit it and you want to work it out then go get some counseling to help you cope and help him know how to win your trust back.

You are in charge, you are in control of your own destiny. Hang in there girl and know that you have done nothing wrong. Bless you and your babies and I hope you can find a happy place! Good luck!

Answer 2

You should never stay for the kids. That would just be temporary until you could not stand it any longer and would teach the kids it's okay to cheat on and lie about it to your family. You should stay with somebody you love, to work on those things that can be worked on because that is what love is.

You need to provide more info on the STD, such as could it have been dormant and could he have had it before you two got together.

You said he would deny it but have not asked him yet. You need to ask him, but start with asking if he knew that he had a STD and how long he might have had it.

He could provide a wide range of answers. If he denies cheating on you, says he did not know he had a STD, willingly goes to a doctor for a checkup, and either your doctor or his states the STD was probably there and dormant in either you, him, or both of you for over 4 years, you need to believe him. If he denies cheating and later you can definitely prove it another way, or he confesses then repeats, you need to leave right then. The reasons are (a) You would eventually realize you would rather the children grow up with an honest stepfather than the natural father that neither you nor your children can trust, and (b) if he is lying and covering it up, he is more likely to continue cheating, and continuing to cheat means one of you will leave anyway and so you may as well do it now.

Those definite responses only cover three of his possible answers. If he says anything in between, then you must weigh your relationship and decide what is worth working on

Answer 3

The fact that he's not only betrayed your trust but also risked your health is something I'm not sure if i could forgive if i were in your place. But I'm not you. You do need to confront him because 1) he needs to get treatment if he hasn't already and 2) you need to find out where you stand. When confronted with an std it's kinda hard to deny having an affair. He may try to accuse you of having an affair as a last ditch effort to try and save his hide, but don't let that turn things into a screaming match. The only way you'll figure things out is to talk to each other calmly (as you can), he needs to know how angry and hurt you are but nobody hears anything when everyone is screaming.
Before anything though, you need to decide what you want to do and what is best for you and your children. Can you ever trust him again? If he is willing to change do you want to try and save your marriage or is it too badly damaged? I would suggest counselling if you want to try and save the marriage because you need to know why he did what he did and if there is any way to prevent it from happening again.
You may want to stay together for the kids sake but sometimes a divorce is better than staying in a loveless relationship, especially if there is also an obvious lack of respect too.
I don't know if any of this helps but i hope it gives you something to think about.

Whatever you decide, good luck to you and your family.

Answer 4

OUCH....

I think marriage is admiration, respect, passion and trust... the guy shared the passion with someone else, so the trust is in the toilet along with your admiration and respect for this guy... Right now, hon, you don't have a marriage, you have a diseased roommate. When you get real proof (have a PI follow him after work, or take the day off, rent a car that he cant recognize, and follow him to the bar where he is meeting her.)

When you have proof then you need to know that only 20 % of marriages suffering betrayal survive two years, and this is with help, and that they both want to save it... somehow, the visual of the guy pronging another lady is tuff for women to get over

He will never tell you... Guys will deny it even if you show them the love letters, the e-mails, and the restaurant receipts on a new credit card that they have taken out that comes to their work.

There is a saying, of course, "Once a cheater...."

I left my cheating husband, and never looked back... But I'm strong. He was the absolute love of my life... It was as if he reached into my chest and ripped out my heart and threw it at my feet when I discovered the evidence, and showed it to him......

But there are just too many nice guys out there. Unless he admits what he did, and you get help, your resentment will only build... and you have to decide if you wish to remain for more of the same or not.... I feel for you hon.... But even with children, I would not stay.

Answer 5

Confront him about the STD for sure. If its something like Herpes it could be a recurrance of an earlier infection.
If the love is still there and you think you can make it work then do whats right in your heart.
DONT stay for the kids. You will just make everyone miserable.
Will you be able to trust him? Can you live in this relationship? Ask yourself these questions and you'll know what you need to do.

Answer 6

I would confront him with the proof. He could throw it back at u saying u cheated. But no, don't stay with him. Once a cheater, always one. Especially if he denies it, that means he isn't sorry. U should never stay for the children, it will lead to complications later on in the future. U need to move on one way or the either. Its difficult, but what happens next time he cheats and it's HIV or AIDS?! Your kids will suffer far more without a mom and a dad that isn't reliable or stable. Good luck!

Answer 7

It is not stupid. I am and have been in the exact same situation as you. People ask me how can I stay with him after he has cheated, and given me an STD. There is no simple answer except that I love him, have a family with him, and want our marriage to work. People assume you have low self-esteem or think you can't do any better if you stay with a cheater. That to me is 100% false. I stay because I believe in marriage and making things work for the best interest of myself and my children.

Answer 8

No it's not stupid, just don't be sad the next time he does it. Your questions are yours to answer. We can tell what we think, but when it comes down to it. Your going to do what you think is best. I personally would not be happy about getting std from his mess up and how you are keeping your mouth shut, is beyond me. He does need to be confronted now, oh and don't worry, he most likely will turn this all on you. Good luck tho and may you find what is best for you and your kids.
Oh and you never stay just for the kids, cuss you are just going to make their lives a living hell.

Answer 9

My heart goes out to you. This is a very difficult situation and noone is able to help you with that. You are the only one that knows the right answer. But do me a favor, no matter what the situation may be, just don't stay because of the kids. You will regret that later on in life. If you really want to stay and work it out, do it for yourself, and because you believe your marriage deserve a second chance(more or less him, that deserve that chance) But the choice is yours. Remember life is to short for regrets. Good luck.

Answer 10

If you've already got an std, the chances are he'll give you another one, and it could be something very serious like aids. He denies it, so he probably will do it again. He must think you are stupid. He can't have any respect for you, so respect yourself and your body and get the hell out of there before he really ruins your life.