Is it right for your spouse to have a male friend ?

Question

I just would like anyone's thought on this subject.
Let me tell you a little bit about the situation. I been together with my spouse for over 7 years and we have three kids together and we separated at the end of 2006 and just recently moved back in together working things out but there is just one problem, when we were separated she started making friends and one thing about her she always has male friends. So when we got back together she continued to talk to a certain guy which she met at her job. Me being a male I know his intentions but she says there just really good friends and I don’t buy that! I never met the guy first of all she said she don’t want me to meet him because I would start asking him a bunch of questions and I would make him feel uncomfortable. She knows I don’t like her taking to him but she continues talking to him, she erases the calls on her cell phone when she calls him. I confronted her on that she said she does that so I wont complain to her about it. She is starting to lie about phone conversations. It’s not helping us to work on our relationship she doesn’t understand that! She swears up and down that they are just really good friends and that I need to trust her.
I just want to know if I am over reacting or is she in the wrong?

Answer 1

I think you need to trust her untill her actions show you something different and then you two can go from there . but if you feel the trust is gone then you two need to get divorced because there is nothing left there . good luck I hope it works out for you .

Answer 2

I have a male friend, the only real contact we have is when he stops in when I'm at work. Which is where we met, and he did ask me out at that time but, I was engaged. Some times we talk for an hour or so, I make sure I bring up My husbands name, he knows I love my husband very much. The difference is I tell my husband every time my friend stops in and also alot of times tell him what we talk about. I figure this shows I have nothing to hide. I personally do not think its proper to be calling him or seeing him other than at work now and again. I think your wife should be forth coming, if, she doesn't have anything to hide.

Answer 3

I for one, prefer male friends over female friends, mainly because I know first hand what b**ches we are. I have usually only had 1 or 2 female friends and the rest male. This has been hard on my husband, but he has gotten used to it. BUT and this is a large BUT, I don't have phone conversations with them, email only, If for some reason they do call I do not nor would I ever attempt to hide it. Nor do I try to hide the fact that I got emails. I am completely open about everything and would never ever lie about any of it. The hiding and the lies is what bothers me in your scenario. I do take my hubby's feelings into consideration and if he was particularly opposed to one of the friends, I would probably off him, my marriage is more important to me than any friend.

Answer 4

My hubby has a female friend, but she lives in cali... all the way on the other side of the country. they dont talk everyday, and he hasnt kept a single detail away from me.

I say, she has something to hide... why not just tell you? and if youre trying to work out a marriage, that was headed sour, why not be willing to compromise. She met this man when she was seperated from you... sadly, I dont believe that some men and women can be just friends. Even if he genuinely cares for her, he has, or is, in some way entertaining the thought of being with her. I think that you two should definitely go to marriage counseling and talk this out. It bothers you, and you fear losing her and that is natural. You do need to trust her, and perhaps you do, but you DONT trust the "friend" and that is totally understandable.


I once had a "male friend..." he played me. Fed me all this I care for you crap, then when at my weakest moment, he tried to "be there for me" and totally made his move. Knowing I was in a solid relationship. That has completely soured my view of men as friends. Also, having had male friends, I was able to find out from them that when a guy says "just friends" he means as your friend you can get to know me and i can get close to you and one day date you... that is what they told me... when a woman says friends she means just that... friends. No hidden agenda, often but some are dirty too, no underhanded meaning. Just friends.

Anyway, talk to her again, tell her, like you told us here, that its not helping you to work on the relationship, and that you would like to seek counseling. That will really help. Sorry to say this, but she may never see it, because she really means she is just his friend, until the ******* tries something slick.

Hope this helps.

Answer 5

she is wrong. I realize some that in some marriages people have friends of the opposite sex. Mine is not one of those. It's an agreement my dh and I made to try to keep our marriage "safe". However, in order for you to have the kind of marriage where you have friends of the opposite sex it has to be ok for both parties and you have to have complete honesty. Not to mention you need to meet him. Everything about this is wrong. I don't mean that she's messing around but at the very least she is putting your marriage in jeopardy by hiding things and giving you reason to wonder. I would absolutely confront her on this. If she wants you to trust her and she's doing nothing wrong than she would have no problem with you meeting him. If this continues I would get out because a person like this is going to do something very wrong at some point.

Answer 6

This is a hard question to answer. I don't think you are over-reacting. You are curious as to who this new male counterpart is...and whether or not you'll have to "duke it out" to win her love & affection. She IS back with you however, and not with this guy...so there HAS to be something there.
Males and females CAN be friends without sexual issues. Most people know/respect boundries..but there are plenty who abuse the love they have and go elsewhere

if you feel this is become way to much of a problem you need to discuss this with her. If she isn't willing to give a little [like letting you meet him] then maybe there is something extra going on. Good luck to you

Answer 7

Given you're trying to repair a marriage - and good on that- she really needs to take a break from this friend. If they see each other at work, they can be work buddies, but anything outside of work... is compromising what you two need to accomplish. It isn't easy at the best of times, but she is complicating it.

I would sit down together, explain this to her one last time. Then drop it. Unless she gives you a reason not to trust her, you're going to have to take the high road and hope she sees what she is to do to make the marriage work.

I wish you both lots of luck and success.

Answer 8

My rule for this has always been trust UNTIL they have done something untrustworthy. If she has been unfaithful to you in the past I would say you have the right to be upset and tell her not to see him but if she has always been faithful you should trust her. She does need to be more considerate of you, how would she feel if you were hanging out with a woman from work and didn't want her to meet her??? Bring that up!

Answer 9

I don't think you are over reacting at all. There is something suspicious if she has to erase phone messages and is lying about talking to him. She should be willing to let go of him to save your relationship.

Answer 10

Well, as long as she hasn't given you reason to mistrust her, it is probably okay ... but not great for a relationship. If she stays out of compromising situations, you probably shouldn't be jealous.