What should I do???? Need advice A.S.A.P?

Question

A while ago I cheated on my girlfriend. Soon thereafter she caught me. comfronted me and after I sincerely apologized she "forgave" me. Now I was told when you forgive you forget. She steadily checks up on me like I'm some animal and always asks questions about what me and this other girl did. But on the other hand her EX calls everyday and some new guy also calls everyday. I asked her does she talks to them and she denied. I believed her and moved on. She also is on this thing called Private Phone. A singles hotline. She talks to guys on MySpace like she dating them and she is all over my case. We have something great but should I stick with it or just break it off.

We've been seriously dating since September of 2003.

I cheated like 2 years ago and I have been as clean as a dope head in detox.

Also I didn't do anything physically to the girl. We just hanged out after school, basically.

To be 100% honest. I made this story up becasue I'm writing a book and to see people's opinion on this issue heps me write a charater of mine. But don't stop responding to the question..............

Answer 1

hahaha whatev!

Answer 2

Forgive AND forget is not common. Whoever told you this, has a warped sense of perception, and has probably never been serverly burnt by someone else. Forgiveness is a hard thing to achieve. I have been cheating on by my then boyfriend [now husband]. I have FORGiVEN him, but I have not FORGOTTEN..history repeats itself if a lesson is not learned. Nor will a hurt that bad ever delete itself from my memory. She is "Hound-doggin" you constantly now, because you have broken her heart and her trust.

The one question you need to ask yourself is:
When did all these phone calls from the ex and
the new guy start? Was this AFTER your betrayal??
If so..there's your answer. It's a case of your own medicine....and it doesn't feel good.

Sit down with your lady and have a serious adult discussion.
Talk about where you were then, where you are now...and whether this relationship can go on without DAILY constant reminders of what has happened. If she doesn't think that it is possible, it may be in BOTH your best interests to break it off. Regardless of how long you both have been dating [the length of time only makes the betrayal worse!]

Answer 3

I think you all need to find out what true love really is and isn't. Read in the Bible I Corinthians 13 "The Love Chapter" where it says love is patient and kind and seeks not its own way at the expense of others. It isn't boastful or proud and always believes in the positive. This love is such that it will gladly give its own life to save the life of another. If love dies, it wasn't love in the first place, but something else like lust. Lust will always fail you when someone better comes along. It says of faith, hope and love that the greatest is love. It is this kind of love that has kept my wife and I married for over 29 years. It was the reason we were virgins on our wedding night and we have never regretted waiting until then to have sex. Not having this love is the reason the divorce rate is so high. This kind of love takes effort, commitment and time to develop by the partners involved. If one isn't willing to work at it, then the relationship is doomed to fail. If your partner isn't willing to forget as well as forgive, she isn't practicing the principles of love listed above and neither are you if you don't forget as well as forgive. You both need to sit down and calmly discuss this and if you cannot come to some agreement about it, then you should part because neither one of you will ever be trusting the other and true love cannot operate that way. Either way, I also suggest that you find a Bible believing church and join the singles group there. Most will be operating according to the principles listed above and they can give you the encouragement and fellowship you need to develop true love.

Answer 4

Forgiveness and "forgetness" can (not always, though) go together, but in her case, you gave her plenty to hold over your head. It would seem she's taking your infidelity as license to wander while holding you on a lead. Perhaps you HAD something great, but it doesn't seem to have had the proper nurturing and died on the vine. You may be better off for it - you're probably wasting your time with her. Move on, and do better next time.

Answer 5

Seems to be a trust issue here. She has forgiven you but not forgotten - she is making sure she has an out if and when you do it again. I think the both of you need to have a sit down and see if you are exclusive or if its an open relationship. If that is not what you want then I think it is time you both moved on.

Answer 6

Well, your scummy behavior probably ruined any chances of it working ... she likes/loves you enough not to leave but now feels like she has to protect herself by proving she can attract other men, getting back at you a little bit for hurting and humiliating her like that and keeping a few options on the side in case you prove what your actions have already hinted at - that you're not very committed.

I'm not excusing her - if I was her I would have left you right away and not dealt with all this crap ... but I know what she is thinking and it probably isn't good for you.

Answer 7

When it comes to cheating, there is no forgive and forget. How can she? If you did it once, there is always the chance you'll do it again. That said, if she is talking to her ex and getting on singles hotlines, then I think you know where you really stand. She hasn't really forgiven you anyway. She's just holding on until something better comes along. Can't say I blame her.

Answer 8

well we do sometimes forgive, but we do NOT necessarily forgive.

Have you had the conversation about whether or not you are in an exclusive relationship? Doesn't sound like you given her behaviour.
Perhaps it's time to take a hard look at what you both want, because she is either being immature and trying to pay you back, or she just isn't interested in what you are.

Think about it. and Perhaps think hard about moving on.

Answer 9

You both have issues with trust and respect for privacy(multilateral)... look to have a real conversation guided by a trusted mediator or couple therapist. It is either all out in the open or nothing! remember you may have to be ready to forgive her as well!
You can glue a broken glass, but the cracks will always remind you it was once broken!!!

Answer 10

Yeah - seriously dating other people from the sounds of it.

You two sound more like friends w/ benefits than serious b/f and g/f from your post.

I don't know how old you both are, but you are not in a healthy trusting relationship and it sounds like neither of you know what that is.

If your fine with it the way it is, then continue. However, I wouldn't consider EVER getting married to this gal. You both have serious commitment issues.

Answer 11

One of the fall outs of creating is the loss of trust. She forgave you and took you back. However, she does not trust you and is going to check on you until she feels you are once again trustworthy. You are also questioning how much you trust her. If the two of you can not come to terms on the trust issue then maybe this relationship is not for either of you.