How would you feel?

Question

So my husband admitted to a drunken one night stand and I have forgiven him and we are reconciling and healing our marriage...so sunday I decided that I was ready to try to establish our physical relationship again (if you know what I mean). I thought it was a healing experience and so monday I decided to try again only to be rejected by him because he was tired. So I try to talk to him and let him know that I am hurting that he would reject my advances but not some stranger in a bar. He gets mad and tells me that he only did it sunday to "compromise" with me. He's had low sex drive our entire relationship and I usually have to initiate relations. I guess I thought that this healing process would include a passionate return to sex...I know that's a ridiculous assumption....but what wife (whether cheated on or not) wouldn't be hurt by a comment like that? Am I wrong?

Yes he takes meds for highblood pressure...he has a high stress job as well..

no I have never been overly hard on him about sex as a matter of fact the first time we did it and he was so nervous he couldnt get it up and then wanted to leave I was the one who reassured him that everything was ok and we'd get passed it!

Answer 1

You are most definitely not wrong. I go through the same thing. My wife only sleeps with me because when I almost left her at the beginning of the year, she finally accepted how much physical expressions of love meant to me. Now that is the only reason she sleeps with me...to passify me. The worst part is, it is meaningless, because there is no emotion or desire or passion behind the sex. It is just sex, just an act, not the love making that I need. So no, you are not wrong for feeling the way you do and you are not alone.

Answer 2

No...you dont feel the connection anymore. Think about it...do you actually consider what you have as "Being inlove" on his part? Is he working to make ends work too? Tell him how you feel, and maybe the truth will come out. For the one night stand thing, if he was drunk, he might not even know how he got into that situation. Try making him feel comfortable and good like giving him a message or tickling his back before you go into that physical action. The more relaxed the more he might want to do it.

Answer 3

If he had a drunken one night stand then his sexual drive is not so low!
It seems he is just sexually tired of you, or never had much sexual interest at all. Which doesn't mean he doesn't/didn't love you either! You should understand the difference between love and sexual desire in men... (they are unrelated)
I feel there may be more to this story... Have you been overly hard on him about it to the point you may have hurt the love in the relationship...? it is not hard to do!!! And fully understandable!

Answer 4

It is only natural to feel hurt. He needs to see a Dr. and see what can be done for his low sex-drive. Throwing the fact up in his face will only damage your relationship further. If you truly forgive him then you cannot do that. I think you two need to see a therapist to try to work some of your feelings out. You are obviously still angry as you well should be. You need to heal as individuals before you can heal as a couple! Good Luck

Answer 5

Not at all! There is something very wrong in your marriage if he willingly sleeps with strangers but will not make love to you. I hope that you are seeing a counselor. If not, perhaps you should suggest it to him. If he refuses to see a marriage counselor, then you need to demand that he tell you what the problem is. Let him know that you have needs too. If he still refuses to be intimate with you, I would consider separating. You have done nothing wrong and yet it sounds as though you are the one being punished.

Answer 6

You need to get his sorry butt into a doctor to discuss this. It is not normal for a guy to have low sex drive. Is he on medication? Well, then he should try something else or take some Viagra or something. Otherwise, he is likely just making excuses. You two need some serious marriage counseling, and he needs to discuss this sexual dysfunction with his doctor. Otherwise you two will be discussing this with attorneys before you know it, and you don't want that! Good luck!

Answer 7

Any man that would reject sexual advances from his wife has got to have real control issues, if it is not stemming from a physical problem. It is a hurtful comment, and you are and have been putting up with a lot. You forgave him something that would end most marriages, and then he is "compromising" with you? He doesn't take your feelings seriously at all.

Answer 8

Get this book at the bookstore or library. Might help. Your spouse might also be in the throes of a midlife crisis and isn't sure what he wants. you'll find info about this at the site I gave you.
In the meantime, .live your life, enjoy and let him figure it out. If you're really ummmm feeling the need... I'd suggest getting a few *toys* to keep you occupied when hubby won't play. really!

Answer 9

If you have agreed to make it work and move on bringing his one night stand up out of frustration is completely unfair. You agreed to move on - so dredging up the past ins't the best way to inspire passion! He's probably turned off because he feels you are holding it against him. What man would want to make love to someone he feels controlled by?

Answer 10

I would keep my eye out on him bc he could be doing it again. Otherwise, he would want you very badly at this point in time due to making up for his mistakes and the time off you two have taken in intimacy. Something is fishy with him, and it is not just that he is tired. Be on your toes! It could be that he isnt cheating, but something else going on with him and you need to get to the bottom of it.