her husband was coming on to me one night when we were very intoxicated; so I reciprocated, however it stopped before anything really happened. He came over to my house, he asked if he could and he brought alcohol, none of this was my idea.She was out of town during this time and he has since told her what happened. She won't even let me speak my side of the story. Of course, she wants to blame it all on me so she doesn't have to deal with his quilt in this. Nothing had ever happened before between us, EVER. Now my 2 other children believe whatever it is that she's saying also and they are angry with me too.
The funny thing is that my close friends who I've told about it say I'm not at fault. I really am responsible for some of it, but please tell me if there's anything I can do to get her to listen or talk to me?
2007-07-24 07:50:32 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Okay, I totally took responsibility for what happened the day after. I called him and begged him to forgive me and I told him how sorry I was and I begged him not to tell her because I knew what would happen. I've done things in the past when I was drunk that I shouldn't have done. Alcohol does that to me, I lose all my inhibitions. I am in counseling and the counselor said exactly what "SweetBrunette" said and another friend of mine too, he manipulated me. I don't know why he wanted to come to my house with alcohol, except that he was lonely. I "know" what I did was wrong, absolutely!!, and I'm not proud of it. I was sick to my stomach for days, but I need to know how to get through to my daughter. I've left phone messages begging and crying for her to please forgive me and I've sent emails. I did not have sex with him. And that evening I told him I didn't want anymore to drink, after like 5 or 6, and he said "What?"....so I feel like he got me drunk.
2007-07-24 08:40:00 · update #1
Well, the situation was definitely inappropriate but I certainly don't think that you're the only one at fault. First of all, being one-on-one with ANYONE'S husband/boyfriend etc. is never a good idea (unless maybe he's gay). I understand letting him come over, after all, he's family... but drinking together and especially getting drunk is a very bad idea. Your biggest mistake (besides what I've already mentioned) is that you reciprocated. It'd be one thing if you told him to get away and made it clear that what he was doing was not ok... I can't say I blame your daughter for being upset... she feels betrayed by both of you but maybe more by you since he told her what happened and you didn't. Any way you slice it, it's a crappy situation... Hopefully you will be able to talk to her eventually but obviously she will need a lot of time to cool off. Good luck... next time try to make the boundaries a little clearer and don't get drunk!
2007-07-24 07:56:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 4⤋
Boo hoo....THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING YOUR NASTY *** CAN DO TO MAKE HER TALK TO YOU!!!
Do you really think that your daughter would believe anything YOU have to say? No matter what spin YOU put on it!! YOU not only did what you did YOU LIED! Not by words but by omitting the truth. It is bad enough that he "thought about cheating" or whatever YOU say happened and since you are a liar maybe he did, but YOU are her MOTHER and YOU didn't tell her the first opportunity YOU got, such as the minute it happened (there are things called phones and if you felt that guilty you would have picked up the phone and told her yourself right away, not that it would have been any better) but wanted to keep it hush hush!!!! Can YOU blame her one little bit for blaming YOU?
You're the parent and yet YOU did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to stop yourself from being in this situation, knowing that YOU'VE "done things" before that you're not proud of due to drinking. What a selfish ***** YOU are!!!!!
You need a new set of friends and a new counselor if you think what you did isn't all YOUR fault!!!! Simply because you are the PARENT!!!! As for your other children you can't blame them for being angry as well. They have every right to be mad as hell....doesn't matter what your daughter told them.
As for your son-in-law he is also to blame....but if his wife chooses to forgive him that is her choice. YOU don't deserve forgiveness, EVER.. YOU need to plain just LEAVE her alone, he betrayed her but you basically KILLED, her in a manner of speaking and for that YOU did you deserve to burn in hell.
If it were me I would NEVER speak to YOU again!
2007-07-25 05:26:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
#1) While you told your friends...were they drunk too? What do you tell your friends a story like this for unless you were BRAGGING? THERE IS NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT THIS WHOLE SITUATION...WHAT DO YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS FIND FUNNY!!???
#2) YOU can't even get your story straight...straight from your story: I called him and begged him to forgive me and I told him how sorry I was and I begged him not to tell her because I knew what would happen.
WHY ARE YOU "BEGGING HIM FORGIVENESS FOR"...when all your friends and SWEET BRUNETTE...AND THE COUNSELOR...tells you it wasn't your fault?? If you are the "victim" why ask the abuser to FORGIVE YOU??? hhhhmmmm?
You wrote: I've done things in the past when I was drunk that I shouldn't have done. Alcohol does that to me, I lose all my inhibitions....
YOU ARE 40 yrs old...according to the QUESTIONS you posted on this site~!!!! Having "OVER THE HILL ISSUES"?? So that would make your daughter and her husband...hhhhmmm 'bout 19-20 yrs old?? You don't know NOT TO get drunk with someone that age??
You have serious MAN issues...while you are trying to figure out how to date a man that is dating 3 other women!!
EY! It was YOUR question..!!
Your statements on here contradict themselves. No wonder your daughter won't talk to you...you're not making any sense!! You take responsibility then you blame the 20 yr old husband...then your DAUGHTER and your other two children!!
Listen woman..YOU """""""NEVER"""""""" get to be done being a mother!!!!!! Your job is never done!! You are doing a terrible job by your own discription!!
You OWN this situation...YOU OWN IT ALL !! We women can stop a man in his tracks from getting anywhere close to us! You teased this BOY !!
You go to your theropist with what you wrote on here..and all the answers...Show that thereapist what you wrote and how you are talking out of both sides of your mouth.
Once you own TOTAL responsiblity for ALL of this...then your daughter ... and not until then...(I hope)...would she find you creditable!! AND YOU ARE NOT!!
My daughters husband is my son "BY LAW"...what do you think those two words are after they are married?? Son-in-law!
Solve this problem by solving all of yours!! Your other children are watching you!!
This is from a mother who would give my very soul to the devil to stop her from being hurt...not being the devil!!
2007-07-24 10:59:10 · answer #3 · answered by Jeannine 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Yikes. Alchohol is evil. LOL What I would do is givie it some more time. This is a deep wound cut into her by a sharp knife (her MOTHER) that will take a while to heal. The holidays are usually a good time for forgiveness. She probably will NEVER want to hear your side of the story because you should have known better. The hubby is 50% to blame as well, but I would leave that alone, as it will look like you are pointing a finger and not taking your share of responsibility. I am sure she is plenty upset at him already.
Mom, watch out out next time!!
2007-07-24 07:56:58 · answer #4 · answered by Whynot 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
As a mother, you have committed the ultimate betrayal! How could you have even entertained the situation! As a mother, you should be the one person she knows would never harm her and that is exactly what you did...YOU HARMED HER! Her husband is a pig....your poor daughter. I truly pray that she see's that she is worth more than what you have both done to her. "She won't even let me speak my side of the story. Of course, she wants to blame it all on me so she doesn't have to deal with his quilt in this." Get over yourself, what could you possibly say that could make this ok in her mind! What, that you love her! Where is your devotion to your daughter? Where is your motherly instinct for your daughter? Where is your loyalty? You should be ashamed of yourself. Obviously you never taught her about respecting herself because you don't respect yourself. No wonder she married a man not worthy of her. You should get on your knee's and beg for forgiveness! That is all you should be asking her for! There is absolutely no excuse, no matter how you see it in your mind. I'd suggest you quit drinking and get into therapy and then ask your daughter to come with you so your relationship can heal. God help all of you!
2007-07-24 08:24:29 · answer #5 · answered by Bug's Mom 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Of course you are responsible, you're responsible for HALF of it. Let’s go through what you did wrong here…
1) You let your wife’s husband come over to your house without his wife. – While this isn’t wrong if you were a really close family and he called you mom, it is a little wrong if he’s never expressed an interest before that time.
2) You let him become intoxicated while in your home.
3) You let yourself become intoxicated with him in your home.
4) You let him come on to you and you didn’t stop him.
5) You reciprocated those feelings or words.
6) I don’t know if anything happened after you exchanged “I’m hot for you” feelings, but IF something did happen… Well, mommy dearest, that’s numbers 6 to 100.
101) You didn’t tell your daughter about it the first chance you got.
What you both did is disgusting, disrespectful and disgraceful. However, a woman’s place is with her husband – It’s a hard thing to go through, but they promised to be together forever and maybe they’re trying to make it work because, believe me, things probably aren't peachy keen at their house right now. Having you around will just make things worse… So maybe she’ll come around eventually, and want you back in her life, but I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you.
And don't listen to your stupid friends.
Edited to say: You chose to drink, you can't say he took advantage of you. If you already knew what happens to you when you drink, WHY DID YOU EVEN TAKE A DRINK IN THE FIRST PLACE!?!?!?!?! Don't even try to put the blame on him, because you are clearly a very, very bad decision maker.
Let your daughter be. When or if she wants to talk to you, she will. You're probably just making it worse by leaving your sob story messages and you're probably annoying her.
For just one minute, stop being selfish and put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel if your mother slept with your husband? And don't say blood is thicker than water, the instant your daughter married her husband he became blood and he became your son.... your SON!
Learn some boundaries, and take responsibility for your actions. At the very least, ACT LIKE A "GROWN-UP".
Your entire, pathetic story makes me sick.
2007-07-24 07:54:20 · answer #6 · answered by quiet_hands 4 · 6⤊ 3⤋
well i don't know that i could help you with this. I'm only 23 and have never been married... but I could put myself in your daughters shoes i would feel just about the same way... the difference would be that i would be mad at my husband too. shes acting real Immature. it seems like you've tried talking and explaining yourself to her and your other kids, I'm afraid that's the only thing you can do. there is no other thing to do but wait for her to realize she has made a mistake.. she will have to forgive you and her husband equally... hell i would never stop talking to my mother, shes the only mother i will ever have,,,, husband? well if hes not being faithful to me and doesn't admit his fault then maybe i would consider letting him go.
good luck!
2007-07-24 08:04:05 · answer #7 · answered by G~Bell 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is a really sad situation! You are her mother and for her that is the ultimate betrayal, even more so than her husband betraying her! No doubt he has not given her the entire story and that is partly why she will not speak to you. You are admitting your guilt and that is a start. You just have to keep trying. It is going to take a long time to heal your relationship. Good Luck
2007-07-24 08:04:40 · answer #8 · answered by tcconssw 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
When it comes right down to it, wives know that their husbands make mistakes....even though this one is huge, but you are her mother, and should know that this is not ok, and should have thought of her first. As her mother, her well being should always be your first thought.
Sounds to me like she's going to need a little time, and definitely an apology. Trying to explain it won't get you anywhere, so just take responsibility for your actions and apologize. If she won't listen to you, give her a few weeks and send her a card, letting her know how much you love her, and that you would never want to hurt her. Good luck!
2007-07-24 07:59:25 · answer #9 · answered by curlysax24 2 · 4⤊ 2⤋
OMG ! you stepped way over a line that can never be crossed, seriously. for one getting intoxicated with your son in law is not smart, him coming on to you is his stupidity but you reciprocating ! it's sick, sad and inexcusable and i don't blame her, think about how you'd have felt if you found out your mother was making out with your husband ! if i was her i would not only have disowned you but i would have thrown his cheating butt out too. its one thing to know your spouse is cheating but with your own mother...i'm not trying to be harsh but you are more concerned with how this is effecting you and how to get her to listen to you explain why it happened. how do you expect her to ever spend time with you and him again? really, christmas' and birthdays?! your close friends are not helping you by telling you it wasn't your fault, you laid into him too and let's face it, men will cheat and lie but mothers are supposed to protect their children not hurt them. you need to stop drinking before you do something equally as stupid and just take the consequences of your actions, don't blame him for starting it, don't blame the alcohol, this is your responsibility. you may have lost your daughter forever because of this and i think you're finding out this moment of pleasure was not worth it. sorry to have to say this but personally i wouldn't have a mother any more if she did this and if i did it i would expect my daughter to do the exact same thing to me as i would deserve it.
you still are getting what everyone is telling you ...QUIT COMING UP WITH EXCUSES FOR YOUR BAD BEHAVIOR ...and just accept the consequences for what you've done. sometimes stupid mistakes can cost you dearly. begging him to not tell was immature and irresponsible its time you owned up to your problems and quit blaming alcohol and others.
2007-07-24 07:59:59 · answer #10 · answered by ?! 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋