to him several times. I never cheated on him. I want to work things out so we can be a family and I have been working very hard to maintain a better honest relationship with him but it seems almost daily there are new things he accuses me of. Now he is demanding my cell phone records, email passwords ect. Last nite I woke up and he was searching the phone all to find nothing. I know it will take time to trust me again and it has not been long of us trying again but I feel violated and dont think I can take constant absurd accusations. He is not free from his dirt he has been caught in a lie once and has done a multitude of other things as well that Im willing to forgive. Is it wrong to say sorry I know I lied and it wont happen again, youve donr many things to lets wipe the slate clean and move on? I dont want to be searched and checked up on not because Im hiding anything but because he says he thinks Im cheating but I never have!! HELP!! Should I just sit back n take this?
2007-07-24 07:43:03 · 14 answers · asked by liyah's mommy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you are defensive at this point he will think you are hiding something else. Your best bet would be to wait it out. Tell him that you have no problem with him going through your stuff but you would like the courtesy of knowing and being with him when he does it! Good Luck
2007-07-24 07:47:56 · answer #1 · answered by tcconssw 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
One of the keys to a successful marriage is that you can be forgiving. To be grudgeful can ruin a relationship. Always remember don't do something if you have to hide it. If you hide something anyways, and get caught, just be honest. This way the other person has a fair opportunity to decide to forgive or not. Plus, if you are honest the situation will stay focused on the wrong act, verses if you lie, it will carry to every scenerio possible, cuz its a problem itself now, of distrust, which is hard to gain back once taken away...as you can see now. At this point, it is up to you on your relationship whether it is worth to take what is thrown at you until you prove again that you're being honest, don't forget, this may be impossible for the other to see. My thing, from the door is if they don't trust me, or I can't trust them, then it ain't meant to be, cuz I don't want an arguementive relationship based on what ifs, could'ves, should'ves and would'ves. Ya feel me? Sounds like you both need some assistance in this one, maybe try marrital counseling, if you can't afford one, most pastors at a church are willing to help, never the less, do whats best for your marriage in an honest manner from you both. If you both say you forgive, than you gotta do just that and drop it, never bring yesturdays problems into todays. If you both can't do this than you both will come to see, eventually, it was a lose-lose battle to begin with.
2007-07-24 15:03:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2007-07-24 15:30:38 · answer #3 · answered by bylovemagic 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This almost seemed like it came from my wife. My wife has done a lot of lying in the past. She almost cheated on me. She did have an 'emotional affair' with someone, and was going down a bad path. It is over, and she is committed to trying to repair our marraige. I will be honest, though, that I do question everything she is doing, talking to, where she's going, etc. I've been burned once, and don't want it to happen again. It does get gradually better. I've told her to be honest, don't lie, and I will drop it. But, it's not going to happen overnight. Be truthful, and the trust will hopefully return.
2007-07-24 14:53:38 · answer #4 · answered by Millie C 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do people always feel the need to confess? If your spouse discovers something on his own, deal with that issue and that issue alone. Don't sit there and confess everything you've done. Men don't take that information well. Neither do women. What is done is done. Leave it in the past. Otherwise, you run into just what you have now. You need to tell this man that you are willing to work things out, but not willing to be scrutinized and accused of cheating each time you leave the house or get a phone call. Moving on means letting go of the past. Both you and your husband must be willing to do this, if the marriage is going to survive. And please: don't confess anything else!
2007-07-24 14:56:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
You are the one who lied. You admitted doing it several times, and that he lied once. So, the real question is -- should HE have to sit there and take it? Of course he does not trust you, but he is not giving up on the marriage, is he? Obviously it is something he needs to check up on that involves another man, since it is phone, email, etc., he is checking. Maybe you didn't actually sleep with the guy, but if you have been chatting with, talking to, or visiting with another guy, that is cheating as well. It is called an Emotional Affair, and is now thought to be worse than a sexual affair.
It will take time to earn his trust, but if you continue to try to hide things, or prevent him from checking, it will be all over, and he will have the advantage in court, based on your history.
Do whatever you need to do to earn his trust, and do not be chatting with other men!
2007-07-24 14:50:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Liars just think that the words "I'm sorry" fix everything. You don't get it. You lied and were convincing so what makes your apology true? You could still be a liar. You BROKE his trust to EARN it back you have to submit and after a while he will search to confirm what you say is true. OVER TIME the damage you have done will mend, but you need to realize that his actions are your punishments for your actions.
"I'm sorry" is just a load of crap from a know liar.
2007-07-24 15:26:52 · answer #7 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both created this by lying to each other. You both made the bed now have to lay in it. Why don't you tell him you both lied, SHOW him your e-mail, phone records and tell him to never doubt you again and that if you get the wondering urge, you will inform him and explain WHY. But to get this behind you DROP everything in his lap and say LOOK!, SEARCH! I have nothing to hide!!! Then will you be able to move from there.
2007-07-24 14:57:31 · answer #8 · answered by Gardner? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
damn for that type ov spying it sounds like u have cheated !!! sumthing is alot deeper here than u will say. For him to b want all ov this its sumthin else hes not asking for the bank statements he is ask for the cell records and pass words to the accounts come on man . once trust is gone for a man it is gone cuz it is out the window with him he cant swallow that pride or his ego for that matter. and his ego feeds off this so when its put n his face temptation is a MF and hes gonna do it. so either he has done it and he is so wired up thinking that ur doing it to or either it is sumthing going on that ur not saying saying
2007-07-24 14:55:44 · answer #9 · answered by sean a 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you made your bed and now sleep in in for a while - eventually you'll build up the trust. In the meantime why don't you offer to review all phone and email records with him so you're part of the process.
2007-07-24 15:01:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋