She was her "best friend"....And I'm not sure I want to cross that line?

Question

Many of you here already know that I lost my wife to an illness some time ago now. Her best friend for most of her life was there for me and my two young sons after she passed away. She was married and I "always" respected that. Six months ago she filed for divorce and we talk sometimes on the phone to check up on each other. It has always been on a friendly basis. Sunday evening this changed. She and two of her friends invited me out for drinks. Well, after a great night of drinks and laughs I get a call at home around midnight. She tells me that her and my wife spoke often about me, after a few minutes I learned they talked "alot." Intimate details of life, sex, vacations...she knew things that blew me away. Then I got hit with the "bombshell" ...She told me that in the back of her mind she had always loved me, and then started with wanting to make love. She is a great person, pretty,warm,fun. But should I even cross this line? Yes..I need human touch! I'm not wanting commitment

Answer 1

I don't think you should. She is your wife's bf, and even if she knows alot of your private details of your s*x life, no, not a good idea. Besides, she called you after a night of lots of drinking, right? She was drunk - alcohol does that to people, lose inhibitions, one night stands, horny, you get the picture. Think it was the alcohol in her?

Sounds like she would want a commitment which you're not ready to give, b/c she's had these feelings for you for quite some time now. NO dont' do it... I'm sure you get plenty of action. Not with her though... read your question over... I feel your doubts in your words. Hope this helps!

Answer 2

If your just using her for sex then no, but if you want to go slow and give it time to see if there is more than just physical desire, then sure. She was your wife's best friend for a reason, because your wife felt she was a loving, sweet, honest person. Why would you NOT want to have a relationship with her, she knows and loves your kids and obviously they love her, shes been by your side through everything. Its not like "cheating" with your wifes bestfriends. But I bet if you could talk to your wife now shed tell you that you deserve to be happy and that your children deserve to have a mother now that she has passed. Besides, your wife b/f will respect that you still hold your wife dear and you two can share memorie together and I doubt shed ever be jealous (there are women out there who are jealous of a deceased spouse.) And you dont have to worry about the uncomfortable explanation of what happened to your wife. Dont worry bout what others will say it wouldnt matter if you waited 50 years and dated a total stranger theyd find something to say. I say good luck and have fun.

Answer 3

I think if you have ask if you should you probably are comfortable with it and if you did you would more then likely feel that you betrayed your wife in some way in which it kinda is more or less. there is a lot of people out there that can give you your touch and have also been down the road you are at right now. i would leave a friewndship as a friendship because once you as you say cross that line no matter what even if you don't hook up or not it will change everything..
good luck!!

Answer 4

Everything sounded great till the end of your posting. You want no committment from the onyl other woman who loves the hell out of you?
Oh, I know, it's hard, but do NOT mess with this woman.
I've been in a situation totally liek this, and nothing liek this, and death was indeed involved.
Anyway, it's always worse when you lose that friend.
You lose the fire.
It becomse about fighting, about what you do that getrs on each other's nerves, about why you won't commit, and why she's on your case about it.
On the other hand, I worked with a man who became my assistant for a year, and we had that flame that never died.
He was screwing the other girl, behind his wife's back, and I didn't officially know.
It actaulyl hurt me to find out, not as much because of me, but because I hoped that when I refused him,he'd be a good husband to his wife.
But, whatever, we always had that chemistry, and no guilt, no fights.
Keep the chemistry.
Don't cross the line.
Good luck, and I hope you find that companionship!

Answer 5

Sex can either make or break a friendship..... if you value this lady as your friend then it is probably best left at that... friendship. You said don't want commitment and it already sounds like she is wanting more by saying she loved you. Most women don't arbitrarily throw those three little words out there if there is of some kind of emotional connection they feel and really is a little fling for maybe one or two nights worth a friendship of a life time??? I think we both know the answer to that question..... or at least I hope you do! :-)

Answer 6

She said she LOVES you. That is commitment. She wants forever. If you aren't ready to give that to her, than don't go there. Respect her for being who she was to you and your wife.

Having once been a woman that was seperated for 6 months, I can tell you that she feels she wants a relationship and feels love for someone she thinks will cherish her. She has a lot of emotional changes to go through in the next year or two.

You just need to decide if you want to be a temporary fixture in her life or there for the long haul. If you pursue it, it WILL end up temporary, by your choosing or hers. If you remain friends, you don't know what might happen a year or two or ten from now.

Did I answer your question? No. I just gave you food for thought, I hope. {{huggs}}

Answer 7

Don't go there, Not cool. Friends and relatives are "OFF" limits.
She isn't trustworthy, so very obvious by her lack of respect for your wife, by divulging private conversations. Seen women like this before, always want what they can't have. Had your wife not passed on, this "BF" would have interfered in your marriage. She is bad news.
Move on and look for the contact you so desire somewhere else.

Answer 8

If you have to ask others whether you should, then that tells me you shouldn't. There's doubt somewhere. Stay just friends and see if something delvelopes over time.

Answer 9

I say go for it. I have experience in it -- my best friend died 2.8 years go. Your wife loved you and she loved her friend. She would want you happy.

Answer 10

Go for it.

The two of you are single, and mature enough to think this out.

What is the harm in giving it a shot?