In love with someone who's married?

Question

I just met the most amazing guy. From the first second I saw him, I had this weird (yet good) feeling inside. We talked for a while, then it hit me. Something told me that he was going to be in my life...we just starred at each other, and it was like everyone around me disappeared, and afterwards I immediately felt like I was on top of the world. Don't ask how I know, but somehow deep inside I know that one day he will be in my life. I have never fallen this hard for anyone, and it's really bad, since he is married. I would NEVER in a million years do anything to break up anyone's marriage, and I would NEVER act on anything. (I could never live with myself if I did that.) But, I know these feelings are bad...and I don't know what to do. We still talk, and hang out, and I don't want to lose him as a friend...but yet, I don't know what to do. I can't tell any of my friends about this, because they would just judge me and think badly of me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Answer 1

First of all, there is no such thing as love at first sight. There might be chemistry, or romance, but true love and commitment comes from time, dedication, work, and sacrifice. You should not under any circumstances talk to him about this. It would not be fair to him or his wife. I think the feelings will pass with time, I know they will. Good luck.

Answer 2

Love isn't governed by society, laws based on religion are. You're not wrong to feel them nor wrong for acting upon them. It's more more to ignore or deny the feelings. Few people get married out of love anymore. And no one can break up a marriage. You can be cited as the blame but not the cause. So if he's in love he wouldn't stray. Beware though, messing with a married man can be full of drama and if he's not honest. You can permit him to have his cake and eat it too, which would give him a reason not to do anything. why should he if he can be married and have a mistress(s). also, you may not be the only other woman. There's a lot to deal with, and it's worse if he's not honest. I've been there, married with women in love with me. Honesty allowed them to go through it with no hard feelings and a positive beginning.

Answer 3

Some people on here with their responses can be harsh and I for one am not trying to be. I am a married woman and very much in love with my hubby. If I found out he had any type of relationship of the magnitude that you described with this guy it would break my heart and I'd be very p/o. Listen all good things come to those who wait. He is taken now. Let him decide his own fate without you being in the way to cloud his vision. Messing with a married man is equivalent to skating on thin ice. The fact that you feel like you can't talk to your friends about your relationship and your feelings says that you know it is wrong. So just leave it alone. Getting involved with a married man who has no intention on leaving his wife is only going to hurt you in the end. Didn't you watch sex and the city? The whole Mr. BIGG thing? Anyway take care and make the best decision with your mind not your heart when dealing with married people.

Answer 4

Let me ask you this. Have you ever been married? If not, you cannot possibly know what that bond and connection between a married couple feels like. No matter what feelings you're experiencing for this guy, they simply do not compare to the deep love his wife has for him. You're saying you talk and hang out, does his wife know this? Have you ever considered ASKING if she knew? I know the answer already -no, you haven't because you are perfectly aware that your motives are not pure. Let's not kid ourselves. If this was really just a friendship, you'd have asked to meet her already. You are going to lose him as a friend because you've already crossed the line and it's time to cut it off. A "friend" to my husband is someone who wouldn't be sneaking around behind my back and hanging out/talking to him without my knowledge. If you have nothing to hide, why hasn't his wife been informed yet? There's nothing wrong with having deep feelings for someone. However, there IS something wrong with acting on them when you clearly know you shouldn't.

Answer 5

You need to keep looking to find another guy with similar traits. One who is single. There are other guys out there who could make you feel the same way. You now know the KIND of guy you need, that's all. If I were you, I'd avoid this marriage man as much as possible. It's painful to be around him when you know he's married. You don't want to be the woman that breaks up his marriage. Just avoid him and don't hang out with him. You know you must just forget him as a friend. But don't forget the kind of guy he is. There's another one like him. Keep looking.

Answer 6

I admire your candor. You really don't need any help in figuring out what to do since you've already admitted to knowing that this relationship is wrong and that you do not wish to break-up anyone's marriage.


Now, let's see if we can evaluate the rest of your predicament.
You're wanting to remain close to him because you're hoping that he'll leave his spouse. Or that she'll leave him. Or that she would just suddenly drop dead. Etc., etc., etc.,. But what you've failed to mention is whether or not these feelings you share for him are mutually reciprocated.

And, say, somewhere down the road the two of you did manage to hook up (become an item), what's to say that you won't be the faithful wife waiting at home while he's out meeting another you (a woman in the similiar situation that you;re in right now)?


It seems to me that the persons or things which are most forbidden to us are the very persons and things we desire the
most. We're attracted to self-destructiveness. We're compelled to sabotage our own lives by putting ourselves into so many conundrums which could very easily have been avoided (such as sleeping with a man BEFORE finding out whether or not he's available or already taken).


Not meaning to preach, but, these are the consequences of rushing into things head first. Haste produces heartaches. I
could advise you to steer clear of this guy but something tells me that you're in too deep (as in way over your head) and will
probably stop at nothing to see him now. Best I can say is:
remember who you are and the values you uphold. What's more important to you, flesh or sanity? You will heal. You shall
find someone who makes the world disappear again, who isn't already attached to someone else. Be more patient and celebrate you existence. Love, peace and happiness.

Answer 7

He is married so therefore ALREADY TAKEN. Plus he's a complete dog for what he is doing. Go ahead and be with him and just when you think you're happy he'll be doing the same thing with someone else.

Answer 8

it sounds like you are talking about me..I met the most amazing man at work, and after 6 yrs we are so close and I feel like someday we will be together also. Like I found my soul mate too late. No one understands me when i talk about him..they only want to judge me. But that is because they don't know him. He is kind and smart and good and is in a bad marriage. I don't know what to do either. I guess all we can do is cherish every moment we have together and just wait and see what the future may hold. And my marriage isn't that bad, but I feel things when we are together, feelings I have never felt for any man. Why is life so difficult sometimes..

Answer 9

Quit talking to him. You're just putting yourself in a bad spot. You don't want to break up their marriage? Then get away from it. If I read something like this knowing it was about my husband, I'd be furious. Not with him, cause he'd never cheat, but with you because you'd even consider a married man an option. I am NOT saying that this makes you a terrible person. I'm saying this DOES indicate that you'd be willing to make a terrible mistake. There's a difference, but both leave a lot of people hurt, angry and wondering what the heck happened. Just don't even go there.

Answer 10

I would'nt be spending too much time with him, not just because hes married but if your falling for him your too busy to meet someone available, and too I believe that sometimes females can sense things and if his wife does this it may cause you and him problems. I understand totally, I been there myself lots of people have so ignore the ones who give you a hard time. One of the reasons you probably feels this way is because you see how wonderful he is too his family and that always makes a person more attractive. I honestly would try to forget about those feelings (it will be hard I know) however, you never know if its meant to be it will happen one day, just dont be the reason someones heart gets broke, they may one day decide that its over but for now, leave it up to them, dont give any reasons. Just be strong and pray you will be sent a saint that is available. There are lots of good men out there that don't get dates because they are GOOD men. Give one a chance, you never know who you might meet. Good luck

Answer 11

You say that now, but who knows later. It seems that you are trying to convince yourself that you won't do it. I think your asking for trouble. I bet you're not the first one either. You maybe just friends now, but if he really just wants to be friends, he'll understand why you need to pull away from that relationship. If he's there tying up your heart strings, you could very well miss the true love of your life that comes along.