Is it wrong to leave a relationship with out telling the other person and just leaving a "dear john" letter? Even though you are scared of the person and how he will react to the news?? The relationship has made you miserable for a very long time now? You have a 3 yr old to think about. The situation is not a healthy one for you or your child? Is it wrong to pack and leave without saying goodbye?
2007-07-24 05:50:16 · 26 answers · asked by Just me 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I know it is rude and selfish but I have never been so scared of a person in my life. He is very manipulative and will say and do anything to get his way. He has been controlling my life and my sons for 3 yrs now.
2007-07-24 05:56:35 · update #1
The child involved is not his. His abuse is mental not physical which is just as bad!!!
2007-07-24 05:58:12 · update #2
Well, forget right and wrong. Let's talk about effective.
Is this person beating you?
Is this a person whom the courts will likely not let see your child?
If the answer is no, then you have to consider how this person will handle the future when it comes to pick-ups and drop-offs and both being at the hospital if GOD FORBID your child should break a bone or something.
How would you be likely to handle your soon-to-be ex if he just walked out and then wanted to see the kid?
How would you handle it better or differently if he came to you and said,
"Listen, I hate doing this, and I'm scared to do this, but I have to leave.
Please understand, I want to be our child's father and one day, no matter how hurt you are now, we have to get along for our kid's sake."
If the shoe was on the other foot, how would you take it?
2007-07-24 05:55:41 · answer #1 · answered by starryeyed 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pack up and get ready to go--and when it comes to talk, do it with a healthy frame of mind--no anger--no needless B/S--just start off with it is YOUR life and you are free to make your own decisions-- There are millions of bad, dangerous , or unhealthy relationships---often never resolved or gotten away from. They all get worse because of a basic lack of communications. You have a child involved here--so you are making a decision for 2--instead of yourself. The excuse of support and money??? Still no reason to stay in a bad relationship. YOU can do better. People that don't do better are NOT trying. They are dependent types that want the easy way out. You are not the first to be with a child and have to get out of what you have. It is all in the attitude. NO explanation is not going to work--the guy will hunt you down and call a million times--until he does get an answer--so give the answer once--nice and clear--that you are leaving and there is nothing he can do about it. A letter?? NO--stand tall, choose your words--deliver them when you are moved or well on your way to being done with the move. Never a letter--it won't be understood as you want it to be. I wish you and your child a lot of luck and a better life.
2007-07-24 13:02:06 · answer #2 · answered by fire_inur_eyes 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel like you (and esp your child) could possibly be in physical danger, then you should NOT tell him in person. It might be better to do it on the phone than to leave a letter. But if you think you are not strong enough to let go, like he could manipulate you into staying, then I'd say leave the letter.
ALSO... if you are in an abusive relationship, then you also need a "safe plan" i.e. you need to go somewhere where he will NEVER find you. In other words, don't go to your mom's house, or your best friend's. If you call a domestic abuse hotline, they can help you with this. In abusive relationships, it is when the woman leaves when she is most at risk for physical harm, unfortunately.
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Ok, after reading your follow-ups, it sounds like you really are in an abusive situation, please go here: http://www.ndvh.org/ for a 1-800 number where you can get some real advice from people who understand situations like yours. Those of us who haven't been in your shoes might not give the best advice, even though our intentions are good.
2007-07-24 12:53:24 · answer #3 · answered by sleepy_grrl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you have to think of the legal ways too. If the child is to this man you are leaving than you need to see a lawyer. He or she can help you with this. If the child is not his then hell yeah girl just get up and go. No women deserves this kind of pain that some men love to put us through. Be strong. Why write a " Dear John " Letter? Just leave he will get the hint. If you really are sick of him, I would burn a CD with Nickelback's song Should've Listened. That will save the trouble of writing a letter. I know this may sound mean but it will show that you can stand up for yourself. These are things that I would do if I seriously disliked my boyfriend. These things might not be the best thing to do in your case, but I am that kind of person. Good Luck. No women needs to feel bad in any relationship. Stand up for yourself.
2007-07-24 12:59:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think wrong is the "wrong" word. Its not wrong if your safety is in danger. But dont think the situation will get better if you run off with someones child. Your best bet have a police officer make sure you can say your done and pack n peace. Maybe even file a restraining order or an official complaint. Keep things on file about the person you are scared of. That is a good way to keep honest people honest if you know what I mean.
2007-07-24 12:55:47 · answer #5 · answered by holykrikey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you taking the child with you? I hope so or your going to be leaving that kid in a very delicate and dangerous situation. Seek help with local support groups they do exist and are very serious and helping women such as yourself.
Now the letter deal it depends was he physically abusive or emotionally abusive. In that case you don't need to leave a letter just leave. Was he just depressed and could he not help it? A letter would be nice other wise he'll prob kill himself (sry to put it bluntly).
Remember to seek the professional help though because he can easily hire a private eye or private security agency to track you down and then you'd really be in for it.
With that said I need your help now with a question of my own. Click my profile and go to it will ya its about girls calling guys back.
2007-07-24 12:57:19 · answer #6 · answered by Advice4U 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont worry about writing him a letter, your safety and your childs are more important than how he feels, leaving him a letter may make things worse, but most of the time it doesnt matter since he wont have any regard for it in the first place, leave and dont look back and make the kind of life you want for yourself, good luck...
2007-07-28 02:27:18 · answer #7 · answered by MidnightSkies 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you or the child are in danger of physical harm then you should just leave with or without the letter. It is smart of you to realize the relationship is not a good one and to move on. Good luck!
2007-07-24 12:58:10 · answer #8 · answered by K H 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a little messed up but you have to protect your child they should be your main concern..if you have to pack your things and get the hell out then you do so because the relationship is wrong for you i just hope you do it asap before you change your mind...dont stay in a bad realtionsp and b miserable its not healthy plus dont you wnat your child to be happy?
2007-07-24 12:53:52 · answer #9 · answered by Jus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nothing wrong w/ writing a letter...he's lucky he's even getting a letter, lol...I am sure he could figure out why you are leaving if you don't even leave a note...but, if you wish to write a note, nothing wrong w/ that at all! Get everything off of your chest! Also, if you think he will stalk you, let your future neighbors know this...so they can look out for you =)
2007-07-24 13:00:53 · answer #10 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋