Why does society, friends & family make me feel like I need to have a baby to be a woman?

Question

After I got married I am always getting asked so when are you having a baby? Don’t you want kids? How many kids do you want? Well truth is I don’t know if I want/can have kids yet or ever because…
1. I am not ready for them financially or emotionally
2. If I do decide to have them one day I want to be the best parent I can be mentally

So far as doctors know I am infertile.(miracles can happen) So when people ask me these questions it is kind of a sore spot. I mean how do I respond and when I do say. I’m not ready, I’m not sure if I want kids or I can’t have children I get these horrified looks. And to tell you the truth I think it is okay for a woman not to have a child it does not make her any less of a woman. I just wish people would stop treating me like I am less of a woman because I can not have a child, and that I might not choose to have one either. Your thoughts on how I should respond to these people…

Megs "
I think you have a problem there bc I don't feel like in order to be a woman I have to have babies."

Did you read my entire question before you wrote your answer??? My issue is I feel that people view me as incomplete because I don't want children and I can not have them, yet I view women with my same issues as "normal women"...

Bonny: I had questions on children before I found out I could not have any. It has made things a bit easier. My husband and I siad if we did desid to have kids we would try fertility option then adoption. He still hopes we would just stick to our cat and maybe just get a dog...LOL (He is more afraid of being a parent than I am....and I mean that in a good way) That was a good question. :)

Amazingly Intelligent: Your name suits you! Your response “I'm waiting for the stork. I've tried calling in the tracking number twice, but the line is always busy” nearly had me fall off my chair I loved it!!!!

Answer 1

My guess is that you come from a traditional type family, like the girl in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", where it's normal for family and friends to ask personal questions like this one. My folks are the same; they are sad because I'm not married (you're a step ahead of me ;-))). There are many advantages to being part of a group where children are important for the future. In this type environment children usually take care of the elders, which can be a nice thing in one's old age. But, don't fret.

You can't upset yourself for things that you have no control over. It really doesn't help (I know from experience). It's just not time for you to have a baby yet. You may find out you're pregnant tomorrow. Mother Nature is funny that way. Don't let the doctors scare you either. If it's meant for you to have a child, you will. Miracles do happen every day.

As for the nosy people, tell them whatever you are comfortable with. I generally opt for the truth. Tell them you cannot conceive right now. I think they should leave you alone. As far as you being less of a woman, that's really an old mentality. As long as your husband is supportive I don't think you'll have any issues.

A lot of young couples have the babies first and think about the fact after they've arrived. Then, when financial problems arise, there are fights between husband and wife and the kids grow up miserable. Your thought process shows you are mature enough to know that you are not ready emotionally and financially, which makes you 100% woman (and not a little girl).

Answer 2

I think you more a woman than those who have children without any means to support them. You are obviously a woman or people wouldn't be asking you when you are going to get pregnant! It sounds like you and your spouse are happy with your lifestyle. Why allow someone else's rude and personal questions offend you? Here are some responses you can use:

I find that question too personal. Let's change the subject.

I would tell you, but you don't have a high enough security clearance.

When I get pregnant, you'll be the first to know after God, my husband, my ob/gyn, and my banker, OK?

No thank you, I don't wish to discuss my personal life.

As soon as you teach me how to knit some booties.

Look how you turned out! I just can't risk it!

I'm waiting for the stork. I've tried calling in the tracking number twice, but the line is always busy.

When are YOU going to have another baby? Can I have it?

Try those.
Or you can just open your eyes wide and stare blankly for a few moments. Then shake your head and say, "Sorry. Were you asking an intensely personal question that is none of your business? I always black out for a moment when that happens."

Enjoy your life, honey. Don't let rude and nosey people get you down.

Answer 3

I sometimes feel that way. They are not used to someone with a different attitude or different experience. But I find once you tell them they are more sensitive to you. the individuals who had no problem creating and giving birth think everyone is like them. Its up to us to educate them that not everyone is like them. Then watch a year or two later they'll tell you they have a co-worker or a friend going through the same thing. But when you hear the detail its not the same thing but you politely nod, and you'll think at least they were trying to empathize with you instead of putting on the pressure to have kids.

Answer 4

The kid didn't "become" gay. People don't like "different", but kids are much more aggressive about expressing that dislike. Ask any 3rd grade teacher who has been reaching for a long time. They can spot gay kids before the kids know what gay means. You may or may not be gay. You might just be sexually liberated. I've always viewed gay to be what sex you wish to love, not have sex with. Some guys have sex with anyone, but they can only "love" a woman. Sex and love should not be confused.

Answer 5

Ignore that pressure. You are not less because you do not reproduce. There too much irresponsible sexual behavior with the product of a new life resulting. Satisfying biological potential is not anyone's responsibility. Marriage was originally created for ownership and inheritance. Not to long ago, in this nation, women were considered property of their husband. Women were required to be monogamous. This was to guarantee the bloodline of the male. I chose not to reproduce. My contribution to the benefit of our planet is just as valuable as a new life. Behavior that will benefit ALL of us is the primary responsibility of ALL of us.

Answer 6

There are fertility spells and fertility doctors. Search
for them on google. Also, dont listen to people. Be
who you want, tell them u want your freedom, i dont
want children and what's your prolem? Be a real
women and answer them back. Make the decision
that makes u happy, not to fit in with everyone or to
make the society happy. U r your best friend, that's
the most important relationship anyone can have.
Good Luck!

Answer 7

You think maybe your lack of desire for children stems from the possibility that you may not be able to have any? It's OK to want kids but not be able to have them just as it's OK to be able to have them but not want them. If you don't want them and can't have them anyway, seems you got lucky, I guess.

I wouldn't worry about it. I don't think people look at people any less because they are unable to physically have children. Not every person was meant to have kids. Trust me. Half of the people WITH kids probably shouldn't have been the parents.

Answer 8

well respond to them with the truth . say something like Oh well I cannot have kids and do not want to adopt if it really is any of your business . and no you are not less of a woman if you cant or wont have kids . some ppl have mental problems and cannot understand that . definately their problem not yours . god bless you .

Answer 9

I don't want children and I feel no pressure to do so. My family and friends have accepted my decision. Perhaps you are feeling some inner guilt that you are projecting onto other people. If you are settled with your choices, then don't worry about what others think.

Answer 10

Well to heck with society but to friends and family why dont you just tell them the truth. If they have any sensitivity they will back off for you. If not, if they dont back off then get rude about it. It's not thier business.