Before my husband and I got married we talked about having children. I told him that I would prefer to stay at home with my child until they are least in school. He was fine with that then. Once we got married he suddenly started saying everything had to be 50/50. (however what he really meant was that I had to always have at least a 40 hour a week job) I have stopped working a couple of times during our marriage because I needed to take care of my parents. The entire time I wasn't working he made me feel horrible. He has this "thing" about being the only one working. I just found out that I am pregnant and we are both really excited. However the first thing he said to me was "your not going to stop working, are you?". I don't know what to do. I can't imagine not being at home full time with my first child! I'm so depressed because I feel my husband is being unreasonable. This isn't how I want my life to be.
2007-07-24 05:21:04 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you know instictively that a child needs its mother. Many mothers work and drop their kids off at day care when they would prefer to be with them every moment. Others can't wait to dump the kid and be with grown ups.
Children, especially new borns, need to nurturing of a mother for healthy emotional development. Sure, kids can grow up ok without it, but you want to give your child the best of yourself.
If I were your husband we wouldn't have this discussion, you would stay home; so I admit I don't really understand his priorities. However, I think you can work this out. You should just tell him that you will work while you're pregnant until you can't any longer but will be staying home with the baby after it is born. When you decide you're ok with it, get a job that doesn't interfere with your husbands and leave the baby with him. He works and you take care of baby, you work and he takes his turn. Dad time is important too. This way your baby will always be with one of you, the people who love him/her the most. If your husband doesn't like the idea of staying with the baby, just wait. When the baby is born, he may have a whole different outlook, but stick with what you already know is the best thing for your child.
Don't make any decision today, but plant that seed in your husband's head now. You'll talk more as the time gets closer, but start to plan for it now, financially and emotionally.
Good luck and congratulations!
2007-07-24 05:53:13 · answer #1 · answered by JustAskin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is being unreasonable but i suggest doing both, how about becoming a child minder it involves you being self employed and it means you can stay at home with your children and baby, because you will find if you go back to full time work you will have to pay double costs on child care and also you will miss out on the most important years of your childs life. There are other stay at home jobs available you just have to look around.
2007-07-24 12:27:17 · answer #2 · answered by Hayley w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband's suggestions make me think he is feeling insecure, financially. Perhaps you could make a budget on paper and show him that you can still pay the bills if you are home with your child. Make a list of pros and cons. Seeing it on paper may change his perspective. The most stressful time in a marriage is when you're raising your children. Tell him how unhappy you will be if your not at home, caring for your baby and that it means the world to you. It's very likely he is concerned financially, even though he is condescending and belittling to you. See it attacking it from that angle helps. Good luck.
2007-07-24 12:30:01 · answer #3 · answered by ThatGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Compromise.
I didn't work most of the time after I had my daughter even though my husband felt like yours, and it cost us our marriage. Even though he never had to lift a finger once he got home from work, he always resented me for not working.
So take a good look at your finances, and figure out how you can work at home or part-time evenings or some other compromise. How much money do you make and how can you make that money with still taking care of your child? Or at least make most of what you make now, if not all?
Find a compromise! Talk! Many discussions! Figure out how both of you can get most of what you want, although neither of you will get completely what you want.
2007-07-24 12:34:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to remind him of the promise he made before you got married and tell him how important it is for you to be as home with your child.
I allowed my ex-wife to stay home with all three of our children until they started school and I am so glad that we did. I see such a big difference in my kids compaired to children who both parents worked.
2007-07-24 12:26:51 · answer #5 · answered by gymrat0187 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
remind him of what he said before......tell him how expensive day care is......i dont know what you make but day care will run you at least $125 a wk....thats a big chunk of change. You guys may have to make some adjustments to stay within your budget or he may need to get another job....or...you might take a job in the evening if that is a possibility.
2007-07-24 12:42:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ever think that maybe you are the one who's being unreasonable? Don't get me wrong, I'm a mother too, and I'd love to stay at home with my son, but I've got responsibilities.
2007-07-24 12:31:06 · answer #7 · answered by ron-D 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do you have any idea how it feels to have an entire family dependent on your and your income to survive?
You value your feelings about being at house with your child, but you ignore his feelings.
I think you both need to plan out how your life with actually be like.
2007-07-24 12:41:38 · answer #8 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
YOU need to sit down and talk yo your husband about how you feel.Let him know you want to be at home with you first child.He only know what you tell him
2007-07-24 12:27:50 · answer #9 · answered by arlisacollington 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋