So whats the next step?

Question

We have bee together for 3 years he is 25 and i just turned 20 i am 6 months pregnant i was currently a dancer until i learned of my preganacy i had been paying all bills and expenses, then. No wi have got a recep job wrkin 40 hrs and we have gotten a smaller place something he could afford with his check.. He is slacking on all bills and has reall y no intrest in this baby until he arrives he says. I recieve food stamps thank god. i make 7.00 an hr and would be hard for me to pay for my own place especially when i have the baby i will be unemployed shortly.. i love him but signs are pointing to he may not want to grow up yet or ever i wnat the best for my baby and myself how many chances doi giv e and how long to i wait until it's not too late...please help anyone who has been in this before im young but not dumb....

Answer 1

Sorry that you are in this situation. Hindsight is 20 20. He is working that's a plus. I would give him chances to get involved with the baby as long as he wasn't being abusive or running around. See if there is a way (if he won't grow up) to legally enforce his financial support of his child. Adoption should be considered by both of you as well..

Answer 2

First of all, youa re a young couple facing the challenges of bringing another life into the world & no matter how you look at it - it is hard & finances will be the most difficult as children are NOT cheap.

OK - your making 7/hr & have food stamps. You CAN do this on your own as all social services organizations will assist you in obtaining child support should your fella decide to leave. I don't think this is the case though as he may just be having troubles with budgeting & preparing himself for the impending struggles you both are about to face.

You both need to sit down and create a budget and stick to it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Start with laying out all the things that HAVE to be paid on a regular (monthly) basis & add it up. These items are shared responsibilities. Each of you no matter who makes more or less must contribute 50% towards this from your take home pay - not 50% of your pay. What is left to each of you after your paying the "MUSTS" is your own - his & yours - strictly!
Now out of each persons pay that is left - each of you must contribute your 50% towards the care of your child in the same manner - add up what diapers will cost each week, formula, etc., etc. - here's where you can & should get additional help from social services - there's programs called WIC in my area (Woman Infants & Childrens) - this will not affect how much food stamps you receive and it will give you formula, cheese, milk, cereal, juice, etc until your child is @5 years old i think.

Once your payroll is divided up & each of you have paid your 50% of all expenses - IF & that's a big IF i'm afraid - then you have something to either put into a savings or spend a bit on yourself or the baby or whatever you choose - you've worked hard and so a bit of a reat every now & then is so very important - since all the MUSTS are taken care of you can do what you like.

Next get yourself into school or a training program that has a high rate of job placement. Learning a trade (other then taking off your clothes - not being mean at all - please do not take this wrong) - but learning a trade can be so very valueable - even hairstylists or waitresses get tips & that is cash in hand - very convenient as you don't have to include this in your budget & is "extra $". Remember education is priceless!

If in the event that the Father of your child decides to leave - YOU CAN DO THIS ON YOUR OWN! Remember - that's 1 less mouth to feed & less laundry soap you use, etc., etc. & child support CAN be collected!

I hope this helps - been there & done it - DO NOT get discouraged. Rather glow with the pride of a capable, confident young mother with the world ahead of her.

Answer 3

Sweetie, the fact hat you are having to even ask is a serious red flag. He's just not interested in the baby until it actually gets here?????What in the heck is that? If he's not busting his butt now then darling he's not gonna. You're in for a baby's daddy situation. Hopefully, not one so bad that it requires the help of a talk show paternity test. The best thing you can do for you and your baby is just figure on having to do it on your own. That way his slacking isn't going to keep you guessing all the time. If by some miracle he does grow up and take charge of his life and that of the one you created together then god bless, but it seriously sounds like he's not into playing house and is likely to head for the hills and run from his responsibility to his child. Giving someone a chance is one thing, but not protecting yourself and your baby is simply irresponsible on your part. I hope I am wrong but wanting to wait til the baby gets here means to me that he hasn't got any real investment in the relationship and is a already gone.

Answer 4

I think since you are 6 months pregnant and this would be a very difficult time for you to do anything drastic since you will soon have to leave your job, you should try to stay the course for now until after you have the baby. If you have any way of asking his and your family to help you, that would be my choice right now. There is still a small chance that once this baby is born, Mr. Immature will actually realize what a huge thing it is to be a Dad. Believe it or not, there ARE times that placing that infant in a guy's arms changes everything. I saw that with my own son. You have nothing to lose by hanging in there for now as long as he is not abusive mentally or physically (although I DO recognize that he IS being somewhat mentally abusive by not stepping up to the plate). Now's the time to 'rally the troops' and reach out to friends and family for help and support--but do it with gratitude, remember your choice of a mate was not theirs so they are not required to step in here. Keep your head about you; I was married to a loser when I had my son; I was a strong mother for him and he is now a man totally dedicated to being the father to his son that his father never was. Good luck and God be with you.

Answer 5

sounds like he loved living off of you. Now that the tables have turned, and you are having to rely on him to work and pay his fair share, he resents it. You both may need some time apart, for him to figure his self out. It would be a shame to bring a child into this world without the love and support of a father. Whether or not he will change after the baby is born....no one knows so only time will tell. What you have to realize is that you cannot fix him....he will have to come around on his own....if you push him or nag him about it...then you are just pushing him further away from you and the baby. You have a short amount of time b4 the baby is born. You need to take this time to make a plan, on what to do with your future, what you want to be so that your child will be proud of his mom....and what you need to do to achieve this goal. Your #1 goal is that child, and providing the best life you can for him/her. Best of luck to you and your baby, what ever happens you both will be fine.

Answer 6

If it is an option, you might want to consider moving in with family or sharing a place with a good friend. Your boyfriend doesn't appear to have much concern for you or your child. He might change his mind after he sees that you are ready and willing to leave him if he doesn't shape up and start taking care of his responsibilities. But if he doesn't, just stay strong for yourself and your baby. I suggest that you look into going back to school. It will be difficult working, going to school and raising a child. But it is not impossible and it will provide both of you with a brighter, more financially stable future.:) I wish you the best of luck and congrats on your baby.:)

Answer 7

You have got to get rid of this being that calls himself a man he does not deserve you I have not been in this situation before but have a friend that was in a simular situation. It does not get better if he can't take responsiblity for his actions he never will he is a grown man and should act accordingly. You can stay with and get hurt in about 2-3 years or you can take action and leave right now and get over him and move on with your life you said that you are still young and true happiness will find you sooner than you might think

Answer 8

Do what is best for you and your baby - would moving in with your parents be an option? Then you can save money for your own place at a later date. I think you need to take a break from this guy, I think you will be better off without him. Good luck.

Answer 9

Then how did you end up in this situation??? You don't feel it's dumb to end up pregnant and unable to support yourself or your child? To end up pregnant with someone you won't even be with when the baby arrives? H E L L O!! You better wake up honey!! You are going to have to get better at making choices for yourself now that you will have a child to raise or you will end up putting both of you through hell!!!

Answer 10

You said, "im young but not dumb."

Because aparently you are. You are knocked up by a man you have no permanent commitment with (marriage) and are bringing a baby into this world that you cannot afford. By your own words you cannot even afford to care for yourself by yourself, let alone another human being.

You have chosen a man that by your own admission is not good father material and now you are wondering why he has no interest in your pregnancy.

You decided to have unprotected sex with this man, knowing what the outcome may be, with no planning, no way to support this situation and now you want to whine to us about what your next step should be?

Give the baby up for adoption to parents who have brains and the ability to raise it out of poverty and despair.