How do you stop yourself from wanting a baby?

Question

OK, I had a pregnancy scare and it turned out negative. I was happy about that, but now I find myself wishing it was positive. I'm still young and really make only enough money to take care of what I have now. My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 and half years and just bought a house. How do I get rid of this feeling? We have already planned that in a couple of years we would try, but I can't help but feel I want it now even though I can't not take care of a child financially. What can I do?

I already have 2 big dogs and a cat. And I have many friends that have kids, true, I don't take care of their kids for a long time, but I love being around them.

I'll be 23 in a week and he is already 23.

Answer 1

Sometimes, it's harder to deal with it being negative than being pregnant and not wanting a baby. Don't rush it, wait until you are mentally, physically, and financially ready for a child. If you wait, you'll be able to provide a better life for your child--after all, that's what's most important, isn't it?

Answer 2

The problem with waiting until you are financially ready is, you can go your whole life waiting for your family to be financially ready, and never have children.

You need to come up with an expence list, and see what you can cut out, and put away (high interest in a good place).
There is also different types of financial stability, depeding on what your needs/wants are etc. If you can afford food, gas, rent and have a little left over at the end of the month (even 20 bucks) I'm sure you can make it work by buckling down. Think, you would normally go out on Friday night to a movie, with popcorn that is $40 roughly...that is $40 SAVED when you are home with a baby and cannot go out.

Sure, children cost alot of money. But how you choose to raise them also plays a big role here. Breastfeeding is much much cheaper then bottle feeding. Cloth diapers save thousands of dollars and the environment. You can carry your baby instead of buying an expensive stroller. You can co-sleep instead of choosing to have a crib. Buy used toys, second hand clothing, etc etc. All this things are very practical and alot of people don't think about it! Look up attachment parenting for the why's behind co-sleeping, baby wearing, breastfeeding etc. Amazing stuff.

It costs roughly $1600 amercian per year to put a child in diapers (not including wipes, creams etc) , where as cloth is a $300-400 investment for life (including if you have more children, AND you can sell them when you are done for cheap).

Children only wear clothing for a short time as they grow so fast, so alot of the second hand clothing is like new. Ebay is a great place to look also. Check out sales and if you find a great deal, buy it now and put it away (even if it is for a 2 years old, or even older!).

Create a toy exchange will all your friends with children, swap 1 toy per week. This is social time for all the children and mothers, and saves money on buying new toys, and gives the children a chance to learn about sharing. Also helps them from getting tired of their own toys.

Be creative. Be smart. If you aren't too young (you didn't say...I mean if you are 16 please wait, but if you are a mature 20 year old go for it).

Good luck. Work out some numbers, figure out parenting styles, pull out the bills and make some cuts, and have a BIG talk with your partner...and go to bed!

Answer 3

I would get myself a "baby fix." Basically, I would just spend all day with someone and their child. I loved playing with them, and for some reason, it would tide me over until the next baby fix. It can really work if you are around children who are not really well behaved. Being a good parent takes lots of time and responsibilities, just watch how tired the mom is. My toddler sleeps through the night, but I still feel tired. She has so much energy.

The fun thing is, you get to play with them and when you are done, they go home with their mommy.

Answer 4

Have any friends with children? Go spend time with them. Really watch her life and how everything she does has to revolve around the child/children. You forfeit a lot of freedom when you decide to have kids. And when you think about having a baby... just think about it rationally. I know you can because you say it already, you don't have enough money to support another life at the moment. Be patient. You'll want to give your child everything they need and more. Good luck to you!

Answer 5

I used to feel the same, but then i think of the stretch marks, and having to spend every night in for the next 16+ years. When you hear children screaming in the street, that definately puts you off. Remember, the grass isnt always greener on the other side. You wouldnt be able to hand the child back when it gets too much. good luck x

Answer 6

Here are some suggestions:
1. babysit someone else's child. Dealing with the reality of a child was enough to deter me until I was ready
2. Remind yourself of the financial responsibility: medical bills, baby supplies, daycare, school, car, college, etc
3. Remind yourself of what will change: no more spontaneous outings, less "Olive Garden", more "Chucky Cheese", being awake at midnight...not because you're having fun with friends, but because the baby had an explosive case of the stomach flu
4. etc etc etc

:)

Answer 7

Sorry you have been bitten by the baby bug happens to many and the time is never right.
Rarely do babies come when we have everything perfect.
Talk to your patner, see what he says.

I have 4 children and was absolutly 100% sure i didnt want another and guess what I would like another. Not sure how i got bitten but i did.

And if your partner really wants to wait for a couple of years compromise on 1 year and make some cut backs so you can afford it, belive me babies are worth it if you are ready for them emotionally.

Best wishes
Kim

Answer 8

do you have any friends or family with a little one? If so why don't you ask if you could go there and play with the baby or help out. The mother would love to have some time off her feet for a few minutes

Answer 9

try watchng other peoples babies, hang around children I mean i have 2 and #3 on the way and i have friends who want kids but cant afford it so i let them babysit after a day of my children driving them crazy they usually change their mind...kids are very sweet and cute when you can give them back, but when they are yours to keep they will drive you CRAZY!!! i love my kids but a break would surely be nice, i work at home doing web design and they are with me 24/7...speak of the devil i have a 6 month old climbing up my leg now, and a 3 year old trying to stab the tv with a pen got to go!

Answer 10

It's just the instinct of a woman to want a child. I have found myself actually becoming jealous of girls my age that are pregnant (21). My boyfriend and I have gotten a kitten to take care of until we decide that we can have a baby. (and it's spoiled ROTTEN.)

I know exactly what you are going through. It's hard, but it's just part of being a woman.