I feel guilty for being pregnant and fear I will loose my bond with my 3 year old. Is this a common thing?
2007-07-24 04:25:03 · 21 answers · asked by rednkgirl19802 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I think it's probably very common. I'm feeling the same way. My son will be 17 mos. when the new baby arrives and I'm very worried he will feel neglected ~ he's definately a mommas boy right now! My sister-in-law said she felt the same way when she had her 2nd and her oldest was 3½.
Good Luck!
2007-07-24 04:33:10 · answer #1 · answered by Proud Mommy 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Yes, at least for me it was. I was extremely close to my 4 yr old and when I found out I was pregnant again, I actually had feelings of betrayal, if that makes sense. I felt like I couldnt possibly love someone as much as I loved him, but you know what...when that baby comes it all flows away...all the doubt and the feelings of fear about loosing your bond with your other child. It just comes naturally, honestly, I love my second one with all my heart, just as much as my first and I have not in any way lost my bond with my first. You should take a day out of the week to spend special alone "mommy" time with just your first one while your second is little. This will keep your special bond intact and make your first feel just as special as the new baby. Congrats and good luck!
2007-07-24 11:31:54 · answer #2 · answered by sweetgirl 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes it is. You question if you will actually love the new baby as much and you feel like your letting the other baby down. I had a hard time even after birth with this. My 2nd baby was sick for a while and he was a screamer from the start. My poor older son was kind of pushed into the backround. But he is so great and we have such a great relationship he didnt feel threatened at all. He loved his baby brother and was extremely protetive of him. He would tell me not to be upset and to just be happy. I learned alot from my oldest child. He is the reason I made it through these last few very difficult months. My youngest is still a screamer and he is stubborn, but we just muddle through and my oldest and me are closer because of it. The baby gets better everyday and him and his brother are very much in love with each other... If you really feel terrible after the birth still dont be afraid to tell your doctor it could be a slight depression. Good luck with your blessings and you will be in my prayers!!
2007-07-24 11:33:06 · answer #3 · answered by melissaw77 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My best friend just gave birth 14 weeks ago and has a three year old. She worries about it constantly. But she and her husband have kind of made a pact. At least while she was off work, she tended to the baby and he tended to the toddler. However, a few times, she'd leave the baby with her husband, or her parents, and take the toddler out for special "Mommy & Me" time. It seems to have worked well, and we're talking about a very rambunxious, strong-willed toddler! She has also made sure the toddler gets to see her grandparents by herself as well. Making sure some time is devoted to your toddler without the baby will ensure that you still love you like you always did!
2007-07-24 11:29:20 · answer #4 · answered by ♥ JustAChick ♥ 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I want another baby and I have a 3 year old also. I have the same guilty conscience but I think you will learn to balance the two and have them create their own bond. You just have to learn to give them equal amounts of attention. That's what I'm going to try.
2007-07-24 11:27:59 · answer #5 · answered by notchobabymama 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
mom guilt for any reason can be very strong... how far is the new pregnancy??? may just be your body adjusting to hormone levels again... you will never lose the bond with your first child. not until they become teenagers anyway.... just relax and involve the 3yr old with baby things... let him help decide where to put the babys toybox and arrange the toys... take it one day at a time... if u get stressed the babies will tooo...mom of 3... 13 yr old twin girls and 2 yr girl... 3 mo old puppy girl too. my poor hubby!!!!!!! I also suffered from pre- and post-partum depression.... tell your doc if your having any mommy blues... all willl be ok... just wait antil they are teenagers fighting over the phone, book, cmputer, boys, toys, lipstick, jeans, etc....
2007-07-24 11:31:57 · answer #6 · answered by im a goonie 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes I think it is a common thing. But know you won't lose your bond with your 3 year old. as long as you still treat him/her the same and let the 3 year old know now he gets to help mommy with his/her brother/sister and can show mommy how he's a bog girl/boy. Just make ways so your 3 year old know he/she still has a place in your life and heart..
Good Luck with your kids they are a blessing
2007-07-24 11:30:20 · answer #7 · answered by mamas_love2u 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I felt so tremendously guilty about losing the special bond between my then five year old! I felt like I would never have time for just her anymore and spent two days before giving birth holding her and sobbing. (she still remembers me doing that). BUT, I wouldn't trade having my son. I've done some shifting and I've had to get more creative to get one on one time with her--it has not been easy as I work full time as well. BUT, that time is all the more special to us, as it's mommy/daughter time. When my son gets older, we'll have mommy/son time too...
2007-07-24 11:29:05 · answer #8 · answered by Jen-Jen 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
O fCourse your going to feel like tht..all parents do when they have other children but don't worry!
If you want to spend time with both of them just let the 3 year old interact with you and the baby by helping. For Example:
*If you are changing the babies diaper, you can ask the 3-year old to get you the new diaper or the baby wipes.
*If your taking the baby a bath,let the 3-year old scrub it a little with the towelly under your supervision though lol. =]
You kow, JUst let her interact wiht you and the baby ..Itwill be fun for her,the baby will get to know the 3-year old more, and you can have both of them...
trust me <33
2007-07-24 11:31:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I've been feeling the same way. I'm pregnant with #2 and I'm so scared that I won't have as much time for my son after she's born. So, I'm guessing it's a pretty common feeling.
I'm also super scared that I won't love this one as much as my son. I mean, I just can't understand how I can love anyone else as much. But hopefully it'll all work out when she comes.
2007-07-24 11:32:02 · answer #10 · answered by krs_schill 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋