Please tell me if you like this poem. I'm not sure, please help!?

Question

If you think trouble is a cat in a tree
And the worst pain of all is the sting of a bee
If you think a problem is a broken nail
If an ordeal is a letter lost in the mail
If tradgedy is you missed the bus
If an unruly rooms causes out-of-hand fuss
If a rip-off is buying overpriced shoes
Then this is going to be way more than news.

Getting sick can be more than a cough
A switch can mean more than to turn on or off
Starving may not be quite what you think
A cold glass of water may not be a drink
Sometimes our messes get a bit out of hand
And grow into issues beyond our command
What a child calls a crush may rise above
And change from, "I like you" to a thing called, "love"
Not everything is what it may seem
Be prepared for surprises when you wake from your dream


*I wrote this for my mom's close friend- she has non-hopkins lymphoma*

Just so you know, I'm 11.

Answer 1

I hate the poetry category. It is full of annoying cheese and people who think they are great when they really are not!

This though, IS FANTASTIC!

Nice job, and sorry to hear about your mom's friend xxoo

Answer 2

I think it is a good poem, not just because you're 11, but it's a good poem for anyone of any age.

Here are a few suggestions to make it even better:

"tragedy", not "tradgedy"

"If an unruly rooms causes out-of-hand fuss" needs to be rewritten...you can say "if an unruly room causes..." or you can say "if unruly rooms cause...". "an" means "one", so you can't use "an" and "rooms" in the same line like that. Also, "rooms cause" or a "room causes", again, it has to do with grammar rules.

"Then this is going to be way more than news." has too many beats...try, "then this is going to be even worse news" or "then this is going to be more than news" or "then you'll probably find this more than just news"

try changing "'I like you' to a thing called, 'love'" to "'I like you' to something called 'love'", ...because "a thing" doesn't carry the beat the way "something" does...even though it has the same number of beats...it has to do with how we speak...say it one way, then the other and you'll hear what I mean.

All in all it is a very wonderful poem, something you should be proud of and something I'm sure your mom's friend will appreciate with all her heart.

And, dear poet, don't stop writing...you will be a fine poet one day.

Answer 3

Excellent poem. I like the contrasting ideas in the first stanza and the second. The way you poetically expound the concept of "not everything is what it seems" is beautiful. I'm sure your mom's sick best friend would find hope that her condition maybe a nightmare that would soon be over. The surprise your are referring to when one wakes up from his dream. Good work.

Answer 4

Omg.That is a REALLY good poem.Its true and it makes a realy good point.Wow.....that is almost scary.Its the good kind of scary though.Wow.You should think about posting that on a website or sumptin'.

Answer 5

That was very good. You are a very talented little girl . keep writing poems and posting them. and dont talk to strangers on the internet. but u are very talented.

Answer 6

That was really good, and while I don't tend to comment on age (since you brought it up) at 11 it's extraordinary.

Really well done.

Answer 7

That's actually one of the best poems I've ever read on here. Well done!

Answer 8

It's good, but not for someone that who ill. You need something more up lifting. Be cheerful!!!!!

Answer 9

I think it's great. Very kind of you to write that for her.

Answer 10

good...really nice.on what do u need help wen the poem already soooo good !!