He looks upon the world uncertain
Drawn behind his bedroom curtain
He plans to venture out today
If those demons stay away
He gets visions in his head
He gets them while he lies in bed
He mumbles out his daily plea
Someone out there, please help me
In his mind he’s all-alone
He's been that way, since he has grown
No one really seams to care
Or that feeling, none will share
They say he don’t think the same
It gets him down, it gives him shame
It's not becasue he is lazy
Loneliness, does drive him crazy
I think the moral of this rhyme
Is he needs help, and he needs time
Just tell him that he has a friend
No matter what, and to the end
2007-07-24 00:38:41 · 10 answers · asked by gary_b04901 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
WOW!!!
A fantastic work of art!!!!!
2007-07-24 01:02:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This poem is very -well really really good. I speaks to the reader in a way that I cannot describe. I like it! Sorry it isn't more advice I can give, but I really like this how it is, even if it is in a ridged form, it gives the poem a controlled, against the hopelessness that feels like it is just beneath the surface. This poem also makes me wonder about the inspiration. I love it! Keep on writing!!!!!
2007-07-24 08:38:11 · answer #2 · answered by tanjha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, here's one thing I would say
About the poem you shared today
The pairs of rhymes in couplet form
Are seldom hot but often warm
Iambic did you start some lines
But not always, just sometimes
Yet the lines are fun to read
And canter like a noble steed
All lines seem to have four feet
Sometimes even rhymes are neat
But if Dr Suess you'd copy
Try again and not so choppy
commenserate comments carefully crafted:)
2007-07-28 00:29:13 · answer #3 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a really good poem, expresses his feelings really well and the adjectives you use help create a menatal picture. Good job and keep writing.
2007-07-24 07:51:34 · answer #4 · answered by NeeNa N 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah not bad it does sound like he needs help
but i would say a bottle of bourbon and let loose as in have a bit of fun
2007-07-24 07:46:52 · answer #5 · answered by Bungy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a very deep poem. And very good.
2007-07-25 01:00:47 · answer #6 · answered by ♥ Angels fan ♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like ur poem
2007-07-24 09:40:12 · answer #7 · answered by Mz. SEXYGIRL 32 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well,the poem is really good...u write very well !!
2007-07-24 10:07:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
good ur waxing lyrical and its looking good
2007-07-24 07:42:59 · answer #9 · answered by ladyluck 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"The Agoraphoebic"
Loved it.
2007-07-24 11:05:29 · answer #10 · answered by Mike Smith UK 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋