I have a friend who has told me that he is curious about his sexuality. He's told me that he's attracted to me, and I'll admit that I'm fairly attracted to him. The problem is this:
No one else knows about his bisexuality. When we are with other friends, he overdoes his flirting with women and almost ignores me. I realize that he's just unsure of himself at the moment, and he doesn't want others to know yet. But at the same time...
Well, he's told me that he's hungry for attention, and he's told me about some crazy things he's done just to get people to like him. So, I'm stuck with that doubt... Is he really interested and just uncomfortable with that right now? Or is he just doing what he feels he has to do in order to get me to like him and give him attention?... ... ...
2007-07-23 21:59:48 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
That's one of my concerns, Sweet. I feel like it's wrong to doubt him. I mean, if he really is just uncomfortable with who he is, he's trusted me enough to tell me. Is it really my position, then, to say, "I don't think you're being real with me. Bye." ???
2007-07-23 23:24:51 · update #1
Talk about Deja Vu. Save yourself the heartache, and move on seriously. I had this friend who when we got to know one another found he was "toying" with the idea of being gay, or bi he wasn't sure. We did have intimate relations with eachother, but it never lead to anything more. Instead he just kept playing these hot and cold games with my emotions, and it ended up ruining our friendship. I felt rejected, and he resented ever having experieced anything with me. Needless to say everyone deserves to be with someone who knows who they are, and are confident with themselves. Wishy washy people are only going to end up cheapening the experience, and no one wants to be manipulated.
2007-07-23 23:27:25 · answer #1 · answered by foxy 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
When not around others, just the 2 of you, doses he act diffrent like he is just not sure of how to make the first move? Talk more alone about how you both feel, even if it may take a while to get it all out the way you want to. If you both decide to take things to the next step, in private of course, don't rush things. He may just want someone he is comfortable with to try something new with or he may be wanting more and not know it yet..
Don't ignore him and don't be too offended when he is flirting, he is just trying to figure out who he really is. As a friend you should be there for him no matter what the end result truns out to be.
2007-07-24 13:47:34 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It almost sounds like he's pulling the classic move of 'I don't want you but I want you to want me'. Could I be wrong? Of course.
I think it's awesome that he's trusted you with his curiosity. That says a lot about his respect for you as a friend and potential lover. What worries me is the potential for emotion coming into the relationship.
If you're into him and the two of you end up hooking up, are you the type that will develop feelings for him? I'm prone to falling hard and fast when the conditions are right, that's why I ask. See, if you were to end up having feelings for him and he keeps you a secret, that will only cause a rift later on.
I don't know you, E. I don't know what you look like, what your annoying habits are or what you like to do in your free time. But there's something about you that has always made me smile. You send out a good vibe, even over the Internet. That makes me want for you even more - not to be a secret. You, as we all do, deserve to have someone who's proud to have us on their arm. If you do end up hooking up with him, you can expect the possibility that he'll continue to virtually ignore you when you're out in public and that can be hurtful. I've been there and it sucked.
On the other hand, if you're just looking for a sweet hookup with a hot guy - go for it! :)
2007-07-24 08:38:12 · answer #3 · answered by Beth 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the guy above me who says it's a bad idea. It's almost always a bad idea to become secretly sexually involved with a friend. FWB doesn't really work either.
My advice is to just explain to him how you're feeling and tell him that it's a bad idea.
I would think the same thing you do, that he just wants the attention. I had a time in my life when I was "curious about my sexuality" but I realize now that I just wanted the extra attention and orgasms.
2007-07-24 07:13:29 · answer #4 · answered by Cinnibuns 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He sounds confused, at best.
It makes sense that you would wonder, he is sending a lot of mixed signals. If he admits to craving attention so much that he would do almost anything to get it, this might just be another attempt.
I would take a slow and cautious approach to this guy. He sounds like he needs to work out a lot and do you really want to be something someone has to work out?
Find a nice boy who will be there for you 100%
2007-07-24 06:30:30 · answer #5 · answered by Glenn P 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'd find someone else to date. First of all, he's unsure of his sexuality. Secondly, he's flirting with women in front of you and if he likes you, he should not be flirting with other people under your nose....it's disrespectful. And trying to hide your sexuality is no excuse to be disrespectful to you after he told you he's attracted to you. Finally, someone that flirty and in need of attention is going to drive you crazy. If you guys go to parties or bars, he will be flirting with everyone. And his mega-need for attention will drain you emotionally after awhile. A relationship has to be equal, one side can't get all the attention. What about when the day comes that he had an affair with someone, because he craved attention?
If you're going to get involved with someone, find someone who will care about you and love you and whom you can love and care about in return. Good luck and God bless you.
2007-07-24 05:52:57 · answer #6 · answered by Michael B - Prop. 8 Repealed! 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You are also a curious person and you know what curious people do: they experiment or do research to satisfy their curiosity. Do you care enough about this person to become a "guinea pig," a research object? I doubt this very much. Friendship (and you say he is a friend) entails trust and loyalty. This so-called "friend" shows neither, in my opinion. If I were in your situation, not only would I shy away from this person when it came to a deeper relationship, I would probably stop seeing him as a friend.
2007-07-24 06:24:27 · answer #7 · answered by Elaine P...is for Poetry 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He is having trouble with his sexuality and he tries to ignore it when in a group of friends and cover up for it. Since it is you he is attracted to, he ignores you in fear of being caught. Go ahead and experiment. You may be able to help him a lot
2007-07-24 09:52:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep your distance. This is a no win situation, and you will get nothing out of a relationship with this person. Let him experiment with someone else.
2007-07-24 05:03:15 · answer #9 · answered by tacmedwarrior 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think he is unsure of himself...He is new and doesnt probally know who he is and needs a hand just take him aside and show him that attention
2007-07-24 06:22:33 · answer #10 · answered by KarmicFacilitator2000 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋