Single Mom meeting Moroccan Man for first time...HELP!!?

Question

I'm going to Morocco to meet a guy I've been talking to online for awhile. Also taking my toddler daughter. I am unsure of the customs (i.e. dressing, communicating, etc) so that I don't offend him or his family. I have also heard stories about relationships gone bad, things to watch for would be very helpful!! Also, what's the best way to keep in contact with family back in the US?? Thanks for any pointers!!

Thanks for the answers so far....some are very helpful!! I will be talking to his sister online tomorrow morning, so hopefully that will give me a better idea of who he is and his family. If anyone has any pointers on questions to ask her or to avoid that would be great...I'm really excited to be able to talk to her...I think it will help a lot!!

Answer 1

Wow, I'm pretty sure Sarah T gave the only sane answer (I didn't read beyond hers). Here's my two cents:

I'm married to a Moroccan, but I met him in Morocco. Honestly, I am personally extremely wary of online dating in all forms, but since you're already going, I'll take it from that point.

First, in terms of dress and customs, it all depends on how strict (religiously) his family is. Honestly, I would first determine what's important to you - I assume you've already considered the question of religion and conversion to Islam (you do NOT have to convert to get married in Morocco, legally speaking, assuming you are currently Christian or Jewish). That said, his family may want you to, or he may. You should seriously think about that and make a decision for yourself.

As for dress and customs, you should also consider your comfort zone, and make sure you set limits quickly - Moroccan families are incredibly kind and hospitable, but it can be overbearing for westerners, in my opinion (meaning, my family often wants more of my time than I'm willing to give). So if you're not comfortable with something, you should kindly let his family know. For dress, you should start off with long sleeves and long pants (don't cover your head unless you want to, many Moroccan women don't), and then see how comfortable you feel. Bring some short sleeves for around the house of course.

Other customs to think about - many Moroccans only eat with their right hand (Islamic custom) but if you're lefty, it's no big deal, just explain. Be respectful of prayer times (little things like turning down the TV if someone's praying), etc.

Hmm, what else? Best way to keep in contact is e-mail and chat. High speed internet costs about the same as it does in the US, and if they don't have it already and you're willing to pay for it, it's easy to set up without contract.

A little advice about food as well (especially for your child's sake) - be really careful at first - slowly adjust yourself to tap water, don't eat unpasteurized dairy, be careful about ice at cafes, things like that. I got sick a lot my first three months here.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I agree with Sarah and Nomadic and although I did meet my husband through a muslim matrimonial site before meeting him in person I would be very careful as well (I WAS!!!). I'm Muslim and wanted to get married but just converted and was moving around A LOT (I wasn't even living in the US the whole time) so it was one of the ways I went about looking for somebody (I didn't think it would actually be the way I found my husband lol). Before I did it I knew many other people who had done it as well...as of right now I know at least 20+ ppl who have done this but they were mostly people looking for marriage from a religious perspective too...not dating and then marriage....This is especially true of Muslims I know since depending on where you live you can have a hard time meeting Muslims for marriage. I also have Moroccan in-laws that met their spouses (before the internet caught on) through pen-pals --so this isn't a new idea for them nor many other Moroccans I have met. Some marriages work and some don't but you should be very careful especially if you don't know the culture at all.

I had lived abroad and knew many Moroccans which helped tremendously but there are still differences for which you need a great deal of patience to overcome.
I have in-laws married to other Americans through the net and in-laws married to other Moroccans they met online too so it can work.

Does he have any family here? I met his family here after I met him and lived with them for a while before we did the paperwork.

Some books to think about: Culture Shock! Morocco (This should be the first book you read!!!)
The Rough Guide to Morocco and
Couscous and Other Good Food From Morocco --this is the bible of Moroccan cooking and you can even learn a lot about culture from reading this book.

Also, if you do go through with this I suggest you get him some books on American culture -especially if he has never left his country. Many Moroccans (and others for that matter) think they know a lot about America from movies and the like --but they really don't! lol

Best of luck!

Answer 3

Sarah T and Nomadic have given you the best advice. I have talked to these women several times and they are very knowledgeable about Moroccan customs as they are both americans married to Moroccans and living in Morocco. I am also traveling to Morocco in October to marry my fiance whom I met online. Although it is true that some Moroccan men are looking for american women so they can come to the US, not all of them are like that. I have had a 9 month online relationship with my fiance using a webcam and mic and talking for hours a day. We have also talked on the phone many, many times. I already know in my heart that this man loves me with all his heart and no one could ever convince me otherwise. Women sometimes just know these things. Before meeting my fiance I had met other men online who were scammers and it didn't take long to figure it out. As both Sarah T and Nomadic said, modesty is the important thing. You can wear a hijab if you want to, but it is not necessary and I don't think most people would think bad of you because they will probably know you are american. As far as I understand it, the hijab is worn as a sign of modesty and of the Islamic faith, not merely to show respect for your bf. The choice should be yours. Mine has asked me to wear it and I love him enough to do this for him. I am so excited about going to Morocco to finally meet him face to face and I am sure you are too. I hope you have a wonderful time. If you are going to be there during Oct - Jan. let me know and we would be happy to meet you for coffee or something. You can email me through here and I'll give you my personal email address. Having an american to talk to while in a foreign country might make you less homesick.

Answer 4

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Women don’t want to feel as though they are completely responsible for your happiness and that is what it feels like when the other person has no outside interests. Men who are overeager or jump when the woman says jump are the ones who are more likely to end up in the friend zone. This doesn’t mean that you should play the game of not calling for a few days; it means that you should set healthy boundaries until you both naturally find a spot for the other in your lives.

Answer 5

well I am planning to go to morocco next summer with my boyfriend who is Moroccan. I have asked the same question to my boyfriend so this is what I know so far. You and your daughter you need to get long skirts, to you ankles for you and a plain length for your daughter. You can wear short sleeves but make sure that the collar goes to your neck line if you are going to wear a low cut shirt have like a tank top under it. I found alot of these skirts at roses and I even took my boyfriend with me to get his approval on the length of things. And your and your daughters hair needs to be pulled up with something wrapped around it so that you hair does not show. That is how you are in public. My boyfriend say that is how a respectful women is there. if you don't the public will think that you are loose. I know that sounds hard but that is how my boyfriend told me how they will think. You can leave your hair down if you are at the house or if he asks you not to. sandals are fine. You can call home and they have internet access so you can email them back here. if you have any more question that you like to ask me I can ask my boyfriend for you maybe you have a question that I have not ask yet. good luck and make sure you take lots and picture and when you get back PLEASE PLEASE tell me how it was. Go to www.youtube.com and type in morocco in the subject line and you will find alot of things. I spent 2 hours looking at all the site there in morocco. I am even more excited to go now. But just a word of advise if you are taking you and your baby to a different country to someone that you have talked to but have never meet in person so if you trust that he will not hurt you and your daughter then that is ok but always trust your gut and if you feel like something is wrong then find away out. I would say have an escapes plan and money and if need so extra passports for you and the baby and find out away to escape if things go bad. But my boyfriend say that Moroccans are friendly and there are some Americans there so based on there his city is look and see whether or not there are other Americans there so you can ask for help. you can email me a [e-mail] if you have any question please don't hesitate to email me.

Answer 6

I could almost sign under everything Sara T told you. I just would like to add a bit since a child is involved. First everyone should beware of online relationships. Now, I understand you fell in love with this man, and he could really be the most wonderful man, your true prince charming. But even you have to admit that you are taking a chance and risk, or you wouldn't be here. So why take your child with you? Can't you leave her safely here with someone? If all works fine, you take her along next time. Do yourself and your child this favor, she deserves it.

Answer 7

I am an American and I live in Morocco. I am also married to a Moroccan for 6 years.

First off Morocco is NOT listed on the State Departments list of places to avoid for vacation.
Second kidnappings and terrorism are NOT high here. Both of these things are more likely in the U.S.A. than here.

Thomas C is smoking crack. His being in the U.S. Army and not being able to travel here is completely unrelated to civilians travel. My brother in law is a master sergeant in the U.S. Army and I am well aware of them needing a request to travel abroad. At this time for members of the military it is not advised for them to travel to Muslim nations because a lot of Muslims have hard feelings towards the U.S. foreign policy and members of the military are seen as an extension of that policy. Morocco is on good terms with the U.S. and has been since the independence of the U.S. Morocco was the first country to acknowledge the U.S. independence from Britian.

Third, going to New York, Atlanta, Chicago, or Hickville USA to meet some man you only know on the internet is dangerous. Going abroad is the same, it has LITTLE to do with the country (obviously some countires are at war right now and would be considered high risk).

If you choose to come here anyhow (and I am not saying to do this or not) dress modestly. You don't have to observe hijab, it is not law here. Stay away from short pants, skirts. Avoid tight shirts or very revealing ones. A lot of this has to do with what city you will be in too. Large cities like Rabat, Marrakech, Casablanca you can get away with more western clothes. If you are going into smaller towns or villages you definitely want to stay super modest.

As far as staying in contact with you family. You can call from a teleboutique though it isn't cheap. There are internet cafe's all over the place you can use skype. Make sure the man gives you his cellular phone number and give it to your family.

Relationships going bad. I am going to be honest with you. I find it very strange to meet a man online (whether he is in U.S., Morocco or wherever). To add the cultural difference is very difficult (trust me I know). The thing that strikes me as odd is that this man will introduce you to his family and you have a child. This is not as readily acceptable here as in U.S. The fact that you have a child can be a big no-no to his family to accept you as a mate for their son. Being willing to meet a man like this can also be a no-no and something that may make them think negative of you. Of course not all people are that way but I am going to say the majority here would fall into that category. Many people here have a certain stereotype of western women and it can be hard to combat that.
Are you Muslim? Obviously this is a pretty big issue. I do know non Muslim women married to Moroccans and it seems that they often have problems with their in-laws. I am not saying to convert (as you should only do this from your heart) but be aware that this may be an issue.

On the flip side I know more western women married to Moroccans who have succesful relationships than not. I only know of two that went sour and those were no different than any other marriage going sour.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

First of all you are the lady, you shouldnt be chasing after the man he should be coming to see you, Second the beauty of online relationships is you can pretend to be anyone you want. Therefore, I would be careful especially since you are flying across the world. Im in the US Army and meet girls over here in germany all the time. So go well, we meet hang out at a club have great conversation and end the night together, others we meet and it becomes akward, they are quite and shy. Just depends. Also I really would be careful Im pretty sure there is a travel advisory out for moracco by the state department, if I requested leave to go to moracco with the army it would b denied. Terrorism and kidnappings are high

Answer 10

well ..its a hard situation . i was born on that part of the world .

1-you will never know what you gonna get .online relationships are full of risk . i was engaged to a woman from canada bfore "we met online" . but the reality was another story.!!
2-people from that region are often seeking a US woman to marry in the sake of a GREEN CARD . eventhough say deny it .so be aware of that .

3-Be aware of the cultural differences you will gonna deal with . that will be more important than the dress code.

4-eventhough your gutts might tell you differantley but you have to give your mind a chance too . think it over . it might be a very good idea to postpone the trip for a while .

Good luck ..)